My Precious Thoughts...

Andrew last day...

2011-06-21T08:34:00.000+08:00

It's sad...one by one of my kaki is leaving my current company. I miss my buddies...I miss my tani kaki... Anyway we had a drink after work today. Juz next door. They were all gossiping. I was late but I still get to drink. Altho it was juz a short moment, that was a memory of us spending time together. We drank, we talked, we laughed, we made jokes...It was fun. Well, I'll miss Andrew. Good luck to him and may God bless him...

2 more days...counting down to sing k and tani again...wif my drinking kaki. Hope that day will b a fun day as well. Speaking of tani...I miss my boyie buddie. Another year perhaps? Bleh....going to rest. Oyasumi ....

Mobile blogging...

2011-06-14T04:59:00.000+08:00

On and off I'm gonna try mobile bloggin. Short and simple entries. i type faster with computers  Anyway, I'm pretty bz nowadays due to project. Need to do revision sumore but I'm sure its all worth it. Ah...need to do some work. Will update later if I haf d mood ~

Mobile blogging...

2011-06-14T04:55:00.000+08:00

Sick......

2011-04-19T23:27:00.002+08:00

I am sick....*shrugs* Been coughing for more than a week and yesterday my eye finally cant take it. Some fragile blood vessels decided to burst and leave a red patch on my left eye. I can still go to work happily today and some of them told me not to go to work tomorrow. I'm not sure how bad it is, whether I should strain my eyes onot, so I decided to take MC tomorrow. I even got a green light from my boss. Well, I haven't see Dr Lim yet cuz today got night market. Will be going there tomorrow. Cross my fingers....hope nothing bad comes from it. Anyway, yesterday night I had my night out with SC...only the two of us. We went to Friendscino for dinner and to chill. Allan was performing there so we went there to support him *cheers* We used to visit him on Tuesday at Artista in TCM but he'll be having 3 days performance there. I juz luv his singing and SC luv his singing too. Preston was the one who recommend him to me. All the best to Allan for his gig and all his performances.... Well, I guess I better take some good rest before my eye fails on me....Going to do some revision and will be heading for my bed.... *Adieu*

MIA and back once again....

2011-04-18T00:45:00.004+08:00

I have no idea what's going on with me and my blog. Never have the urge to continue for God knows what reason....It has been almost 1 year...in a blink of an eye, I am another year older *shrugs* I hate getting older but that's reality and that's how people grow. My life has been going up and down but thank God that I am blessed with a wonderful daughter and my sometimes wonderful hubby *winks* I think I should start back blogging but it all depends on my mood and my time. I may not have the time to drop an entry but I know for sure that it's juz an excuse... Life is complicated...Human nature is contradicting....I was going thru my previous entries and I got this...I love you and I hate you *smiles* How contradicting is that. Well, as long as I have my family members by my side, I am a happy person. Not many people that I love but those that I love are those who stayed with me all this while....family members, relatives, my best buddies....I love all of them. Life is short so enjoy it while you can *cheers* I'm crapping so I'm going to bed now....Monday blues again *shrugs*

Great night !!!

2010-05-08T10:28:00.002+08:00

Been missing lots of entries...wasnt free at all...probably were juz lazy as usual *giggles* Anyway, Thursday 6 May 2010 was a great day for me. Workplace tho...had my lunch with Preston, had my night out with Preston as well, had a great talk with my MD. Everything seemed great. Results of the talk, I had my raise, there were bonus, and I'll be taking my exam...I guess *winks* Preston is leaving anyway. It would be such a loss for me. He is the best buddy I have in the office. I will not know who will be my next buddy but I still have to go on with life. From time to time, I'll definitely ask him out to chill as what we did that night. He invited me to join him at TCM for a drink while listening to live songs. He likes the singer, a Philipino tho and to my surprise, I like his songs and his style as well. Different style from Preston. I guess each individual is different *winks* Anyway, he was supposed to be with some frenz but ended up only 2 of us. We had only 3 pints as we shared the last pint. I learned alot from that night and to be honest, I actually enjoyed it much. We hung out from around 10 pm till 12.30 am. Reached home at about 1 am and slept at about 2 am. Was freaking tired when I went to the office the next day. By the way, as we were leaving that place that night, we went to the washroom. Of course, he went to the guys and I went to the ladies. *shrugs* Anyway, he was telling me about this adverts screen which was in the ladies as well as the mens. I thought it was juz an advert screen but no...he actually showed it to me by going into the ladies *shrugs* He was so lame tho...when I stand close the screen, it became a mirror. That was a surprise *giggles* But what surprises me more is him going into the ladies. That was hilarious. I like to hang out with him for this kinda activity rather than going to clubs or whatsoever. I find it relaxing to listen to those songs especially when recommended by Preston. He is one of them after all. Cheers to him and all the best to him... I will definitely miss him...after all, we had been collegues for 2 years *winks*

Deep thoughts...

2010-04-07T23:04:00.003+08:00

Life sure is fragile...alot of things came into my mind this few days. First of all, deepest condolences to brother-in-law's family for losing someone important to them. That was my first service that I went. It was on Friday night, I went there around 11 pm. It was really heartbreaking. Then I realized one thing, my tears can really shed easily when it comes to someone that I knew. It was such a pain to see how hard the family members were trying to cope up with the sudden lost. I paid my last respect to him. The only thing I am afraid is that this happen to one of my family members and no, I do not want that to happen. I know that this is life, people will go away one day, it's juz a matter of time. Sometimes it does scare me whenever I think of death. What happen to a person when he died? Heaven or hell? Does that really exist? Reincarnation? Reborn? Even so, do they still remember who they were? Life is short, although we get to live until 80 years old. In a blink of an eye, I already spent my life for 26 years. So what of 60 years down the road? Life is so valuable that nothing can replace it but yet, why some people would juz want to commit suicide and take away their precious life? Contradicting...that is human nature. Instead of thinking what would happen when I die, why not think of what I can do before I die? But still... Anyway, I went drinking with SC on Monday night. Although I was supposed to be at home but too bad, my car couldnt start when I wanted to leave the office. SC came to fetch me and I was told to leave my car there *shrugs* Instead of going home, we went to Library along with some other friends. We all had fun. Drank beer, played games, joke around, lame around. I longed for that for quite some time *giggles* Well, Ray brought his girlfren along. Pretty onot, SC said ok. Beauty is something that I lack of...but what SC said was I could look pretty if I juz know how to be pretty *winks* Dun waste my time. Makeups and all those pretty thingy, troublesome. I like to be plain and simple and I want other people to like me for who I am and not for being pretty. I will only make myself look nice on occasions, probably wedding dinner or watsoever... Last Saturday night, I had dinner with my brother since SC went for a wedding dinner. Reason? My dad was complaining about him and I dont like that at all. He is still my dad and I dont want him to get troubled becuz of my brother's thing. Well, one thing for sure, my brother listens to me so I could juz talk to him bout it and I did. I'm not sure whether he will listen or not but I'll definitely look at his back. I do not want him to fail and I do not want him and my dad to get upset. Independant or not, he is still my little brother and I love him the most among the others so I do not want anything to happen to him...May God bless him.... Tiring...been busy with work and next week, I'll be busy with housework...Oh well...going to rest in a bit so adieu*

Office Day Out...

2010-03-31T23:51:00.002+08:00

This whole week I wun be in the office. Well, maybe only in the evening and only today I'm in the office. Monday and Tuesday, I was in a Microsoft workshop and Thursday and Friday, I'll be in Microsoft training. My supervisor who is supposed to be with me, will not be around. He's in Singapore now so I'll be on my own. Good or bad I wonder....Good I suppose. Anyway, I should be buying some books tomorrow at MPH after the talk. Probably will be going back to office also since its juz nearby. Bleh...was really tired last few days. Lack of sleep I guess. Well, cant think of anything to write now...Getting late so I better get some sleep before I start dozing off tomorrow. Adios*

Confusion...

2010-03-26T11:09:00.000+08:00

I love you and yet I hate you.... Confusing....

Quote...

2010-03-23T09:00:00.002+08:00

I love you...not to love for others to see... Somehow rather I like this quote...not really a quote though. Heard this from a chinese song. It is the chorus...wo ai ni bu shi kei ren kan *winks* My pinyin is bad too...*shrugs* That is true though but not everyone think that way. Some people juz love or want to get in a relationship juz to show to their friends. Well, I love you, that's the truth, and not to show to other people...not to tell other people...not to notify other people....I juz love you for who you are, what you are, how you are. That is a simple principle for me....

Preston Birthday...

2010-03-21T23:12:00.003+08:00

First of all, Happy belated birthday to Preston...We actually had a mini birthday celebration for him during our company activity. My MD couldnt make it so too bad for him then. Dinner was on company but cake was on me. Figured that it might be too much for company to handle *shrugs* I didnt even tell SC that. Oh well...at least he enjoyed his time there. I got him a marble cheese cake from Secret Recipe anyway. Brownies too fattening *grins* Bowling and dinner over at Paddington House of Pancake. Wanted to try that for some time and finally got a chance to do that thanks to Danny *giggles* Took some pictures...although I wasnt the only photographer there. Of all pictures, I like one the most. At least I look nice in it *winks* This is the pic that I like the most. Not becuz of the photographer since the photographer is SC *shrugs* I juz like the way it is. At least I dont look fat in this pic *giggles* Anyway, grats to Preston and hope he enjoyed that night. Well, nothing much this few days. Was pretty tired with work and life. I actually had an argument with SC yesterday. Finally after so long that I finally exploded. That moment I find myself suffocating. It was so hard for me to stand it. If it werent for BB to be sleeping, I would have went out with her. Oh well...luck was on his side I guess. After things turn sour, he came back home and I actually ignored him. I was speechless and I juz kept quiet the whole time. Then, we had a great dinner *giggles* He gave me a promise but whether or not he'll keep to that promise...I will never know... I wasnt in a good mood this few days anyway. Tired with everything...work especially. I am really tired of rushing things out and get all the unneccessary stress. After I get the bonus, I will consider of looking for job elsewhere. I used to be defensive of that but now, I think I really need that. I am really tired....may God bless the company *shrugs* SC even support me on this. Thanks for being understanding... Sunday is supposed to be a family day but I spent my dinner with my family apart from SC. Dad called me to have dinner since my beloved lil bro is bringing his girlfren along *giggles* The whole purpose is to see his girlfren in person. Well, as long as he dun neglect his studies, then I'm fine with him having a relationship. Besides, he is not a small boy anymore. Form 5 already....how small is that? So...they'll have my blessings as long as he shows me a good results in his SPM. BB is starting school again tomorrow. Time for her crying time again. She has been acting very stubborn and very choosy...and it is really getting on my nerves. I was actually very angry due to that and yup...it affected my mood...Duh...she needs to learn not to be choosy the hard way since noone else is teaching her that. All she had is pampers and more pampers so I'll be the bad one...*shrugs* Really hates how it gets me tired everytime... Speechless as always....Adios*

Busy busy busy...

2010-03-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

MIA again...Well, I was busy in the first place. Busy with work, busy with BB's pre-nursery, busy with my own life. I'm pretty tired as well. Didn't have much sleep lately. Been quite heaty, having sore throat, throat pain...yada yada...Not to mention, cough. Bleh...all comes in one. Always had been like that...Spent alot of my time, or rather my free time outside then at home resting. My grandma's birthday, family outing at Disney on Ice with BB and SC, dinner at relative's place. Nothing much to share lately. Tired and all...Well, work matters...my company is shortlisted for a MOH project in Singapore and altho shortlisted, we will be getting it so on and off, one of us will be going to Singapore. Good or bad news? I have no idea at all...The last time I've been to Singapore was ages ago. I cant even recall it. I remembered seeing pictures in my album. I think I was only about 10 years old? I have quite a number of friends down in Singapore as well but I guess I'm going to lose contact with them...*grins* I'm practically losing contact with all my friends. Getting late...I better shower and then get some sleep...need my beauty sleep badly...Chioz*

New beginning...

2010-03-04T23:16:00.002+08:00

So far so good I suppose...work was ok...my task is on time...I even finished what my MD wanted me to do for the Singapore demo. He is actually in the progress of getting a government project in Singapore which Dr Siaw wanted it badly. If we were to get the project, I will be the one who will be going on and off down to Singapore. I'm not sure whether it is a good news or a bad news. Oh well...will see how it goes. Anyway, my bro came to look for me yesterday night and passed me some pressies my sister got back from her Hong Kong trip. Hope she had fun there. I got 2 shirts and a pack of marshmallows...yum yum...finally my mom got it right this time. Previously she bought mochi for me instead of marshmallows *shrugs* BB got a cap and a T-shirt as well. Sis even gave BB an ang pau for her belated birthday... Speaking of birthday...mine is coming *giggles* 4 more months still but hey...time pass real fast. I wonder how will I celebrate it this year...Last year what I did was to have dinner with my family. SC brought me to Tenji on my birthday...he knows perfectly well what I like and what I dont like. Pressie? Can't remember much since he bought so many pressies for me throughout the year *shrugs* Whatever it is...I'm lucky to have him as my partner. For us, everyday is like Valentines Day...pressies throughout the year and surprises as well. That is one of the things that I like about him... Hmm...I wonder will Terence be back in Malaysia on my birthday or not...then we can go for drinking !!! He'll be going off to France next week if I'm not mistaken. Well, bon voyage and please take good care of urself...God bless...My birthday wish is very simple..in fact, it had been the same all this while...I juz want to be happy with what I have right now and hope that everyone close to me will be very much healthy. Something like that...this year...I hope that I could celebrate it with my family together with SC...celebrate with Terence....and also with my kor, KW...I juz love to have them around to pamper me *giggles* Speaking of KW...I'll be meeting up with him soon cuz he actually bought pressie for BB for her birthday *shrugs* I still didnt get a chance to meet up with him yet...Soon I guess... Well, I better get some sleep...getting a little tired....*Chioz peeps...

Brand New Me...

2010-03-02T22:59:00.002+08:00

Finally I'm starting to get the picture...after months of running away, denying the fact. I am back to who I used to be, probably even better? *winks* Juz started this week but I am happy with who I am now. Everyday life is very precious to me so I might as well get over it and live my life to the fullest. Why do I want to dwell the past and let it climb over my head? I am the one in control of my life...not the other way around so live with it... I'm still shocked with Kevin's death...everytime when I think back at it...I really cant believe that he's gone...forever...what if I am the one instead? What will happen? Whenever I think of death...I'm really scared. Does it feels like you are taking a long long nap? What will happen after someone dies? Reincarnate? Live in Heaven? I will not know...neither do I want to know. I am afraid even to think about it. Time passed really fast. In a blink of an eye, I am already 26 years old. I had lived for 26 years and I'm still fooling around. That is why...both life and time are very precious and can never be replaced. Whatever it is, juz cherish with what you have right now and be blessed with it. You will definitely regret it when it is gone. Anyway, Dr Siaw is going through a hard time in Singapore now. I heard the news from my MD. Although I juz talked to him over the phone this 2 days but he sounded ok to me. Well, I was told that his car was knocked by a motorcycle and the motorcyclist is currently in ICU having a critical condition. I can only pray that he will recover so that Dr Siaw will be relieved. I was told that if death is involved in an accident, regardless of who was the one in the wrong, the person standing will get the penalty. Dont worry Dr Siaw...you have saved so many lives so I'm sure that God will look after you and bless you. I'm really tired this few days...ever since the trip to Penang, I had been very exhausted. Not that I sleep late but on and off, BB wasnt feeling well. Even now she is having fever. This morning her fever went up to 39 degress...high fever. May God bless him. On the other hand, I am having stomach discomfort now. Plus I didnt get enough sleep...need to focus on my work...my workload getting piled up. Never ending task...*shrugs* I wonder what will happen if I decided to leave the company? *think think* Well, it is not the time yet. Still have long more way to go until I am capable of doing work on my own. Cross my fingers then... I miss drinking...I wan to go for drinking...Dum dum Terence rather go fishing than go drinking with me. He said he wans to stay sober for his project...Fishing Project? *grins* I guess when he said 6 months he really means 6 months...sigh...I am even cutting down on ciggy...brand new me...no risking my life, no doing dangerous things...live my live happily and be a happy go lucky girl as before...Well, need to do some stuff and go sleep...eyes are closing badly *shrugs* *Peace out...

Outstation Trip...

2010-02-28T23:21:00.003+08:00

Many days of missing entries...I was too tired and too heaty to even take my time to drop an entry here. Besides, I have my own things to do and found some things to do on my free time instead of spending my time in front of the computer doing nuts. Anyway, my desktop is finally out from the hospital...It juz undergo surgery and need time to recover. Need to reformat though so I bought myself an external harddisk of 1 TG. Big enough for all my files to be stored there instead of the computer. In case if the computer knock out again, I juz need to reformat it *giggles* Well, 3 days 2 nights in Penang was tiring. That was my first time driving down to Penang though. Nothing much, juz visiting and swimming...Weather was awful there. Too hot for me. But when we reached KL, the weather here was worst due to the heat wave. The feeling was like when I was doing my confinement. Super hot...SC rather spend time outside than at home. Bleh...I juz need to bear with it. I wonder how was Michael's wedding dinner. I didnt make it there though. But I did give a red packet to him...Preston helped me to pass it to him. There were lots of reasons why I didnt go for it...anyway that is the past already. Wish him and his wife an everlasting relationship...same goes for Preston and Liz. On the other hand, wish for me and SC to have an everlasting relationship as well *giggles* Last month was a bad month for me. Simon, my grandpa, Kevin....I still cant get them out of my mind. I will miss them dearly...especially grandpa and Kevin. Speaking of which, I juz realized that I didnt know my grandpa or my grandma's name. Never came to my mind since recently. I wonder...my mom posted lots of pictures of my grandpa during his olden times. None of the picture was with me though *shrugs* I saw one picture with my sister and that's all. Bleh...As I said, I will miss them dearly...grandpa was old so I'm still ok with it but Kevin...he's only one year older than me. That was too much for me to handle. His memories still lingers in my mind... Well, I guess I will be ok...along with every other little things. I am who I am and I will be who I want to be and not who others want me to be so I will be good. Past is the past so I will not dwell in the past. Get on with my life and accept the changes. That wasnt an easy thing to do but I guess I am over it. It has been going on too long and I am sure I'll get fed up of it. Why would I want to let it get into my life and twist things around? I decided...after so long to let it go...once and for all...Brand new person tomorrow...hopefully *shrugs* Pray for me that I'll finish my work tomorrow and get on with my life. By the way, my collegue, rather ex-collegue, Jacky left the company already so I'll be on my own for breakfast again. For the past month, I had been having breakie with him almost every morning since he always reached early. Oh well....I'm going to bed now... *Adios...

Shocking News...

2010-02-24T23:57:00.002+08:00

I never expect anything like this to happen...I was browsing thru my facebook when I came across a status update by my fren...'May you rest in peace my dear fren'. I commented on his status...'God bless...someone I know?' Immediately after that, I received a private message from another fren...from the same gang...and I heard a shocking news...one of them passed away due to accident...I was really shocked...That person is someone whom I hang around with last time during secondary school, along with the others...all in the same gang...one of them in the gang actually had a crush on me and that is how they got to know me... In loving memory of Kevin Pang.... I was never close to you...but ever since the first time that we talked to each other, you were already my fren. During the old times, you were like the good guy in the gang. Someone whom are always calm and steady. I still remember last time during secondary school, your class is juz opposite my class, together with Lai and KC. You guys used to disturb me cause of KC. That was how we became fren and I did hang around with your gang. I also remember the time when things werent good in school for me, you guys were there to protect me, to look after me. I remembered how much fun we had during those time...Thanks for taking care of me during those time and thanks for being my fren as well. You will be remembered and will be missed...I am sorry that I didnt pay my last respect to you as I do not know how to face it. Please forgive me on that.... It must be hard to the gang cuz it is hard for me as well even when I am not really close to them. I do not know how to face it. It is juz unbelievable. I do not know what to think, what to say...Deepest condolences to his family members and to the gang. Speechless... Life is so valuable. You can be having fun all this time and the next thing you know, in juz that split second, something has taken away your life...unexpectedly and unpredictably. I'm beginning to be scared...Scared that one of those who are close to me will go away as well...How will I handle it? How will I take it? Please Father lord...please do not take them away from me...I know very well that You only take them away for a reason but it will be too much for me to take it. I do not want to experience it....Father Lord...I pray for all of them...pray that they will stay alive.... 3 deaths in 3 weeks...how am I taking it? I have no idea...This is the first time...I'm breaking apart...Juz when I thought I'm recovering...things happened. When things happen, I tend to keep it to myself. SC will ask me not to think so much. Terence...I didnt tell him cuz I didnt want to disturb him. He is busy with fishing as well as his project so he didnt even want to go for drinking. He wants to stay sober...KW...didnt tell him as well. I'm sure he is tired and busy with work and relationship...Who else can I share with? I'm lost...shattered... Shattered is juz the right word now...

Ringi o Missing...

2010-02-23T00:45:00.002+08:00

Somehow I kinda miss my so-called ex ring *giggles* Well, the ring is a gift from a special fren but something turns up and I gave back the ring. I am suppose to take it back when I am ready but until now I have no intention to take it back at all. I will not want to take it back anyway. But then...I miss it *shrugs* How come I have to be so contradicting all the times? Ringi o ringi...I wonder how are you doing? I wonder where are you? *grins* Thought back of lots of things today. Office had been quite different for the past few weeks...in fact, a month ago. I used to have someone close to me but for some reasons, I decided to keep my distance. I knew perfectly the situation but I guess I'm juz being greedy. I do miss having that person as someone close to me but that was the past. Present...no...future...I do not know. I am a runner...I am running away from the fact...I knew this all along but I juz cant help it but to run instead of accepting the fact. Contradicting as always...Time will heal me... It is not easy at all to forget someone close...in fact, the more you want to forget that person, the more you tend to think of that person. Speechless as always... I miss SC....I miss Terence....I miss my kor KW....

End of Holiday...

2010-02-21T22:37:00.002+08:00

1 week passed and that's the end of my lovely holidays. *shrugs* Although it is only 1 week but lots of things happened in this 1 week. My beloved grandpa went far away from us...my mom was here for a while but I didnt get to see her...Valentine's Day...Chinese New Year...BB's birthday...outing with SC...family dinner with Dad...overall I had a great time. I do have my ups and downs tho...My brother called me on BB's birthday wishing her a happy birthday and I did asked him on my grandpa's matters. He was told that grandpa passed away with a smile in his face...He was happy at the very last moment. Thank God for that. I respect him a lot...at least that is a good news for me...I am able to face myself in this situation better. BB is not feeling well this few days...rather since yesterday. She's having some problem in her stomach and she had been vomiting on foods since yesterday. May God bless him...SC will be bringing her to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully everything will be ok. I juz pray for her to be healthy again. Oh ya...we went swimming today...me, BB, SC, and one of his fren at Palm Spring. It was rather cold tho the pool water there. BB played in the swimming pool with her new Pooh float that I bought for her. She is happy. The only thing is that she didnt want to wear her swimming suit *shrugs* Off she goes into the pool with her proper attire *shrugs* At least she had fun and we were all together. Something happened yesterday...SC was out at his frenz open house gambling and all till late at night when he suddenly called me saying that his fren will be staying over at Palm Spring and he'll be there with him too. I was really angry and at the same time dissapointed with him. I remembered telling this to myself...SC can go out at night, drinking and have fun and all as long as he comes back home at night...All this while, it had been like that...as long as he comes back home...I will be ok. But yesterday, for the first time, he told me he'll be staying over there. I didnt know what to think...altho the fren is a guy but still...I cant accept it. It was about 3 am that time. I told him...whatever it is...I want him to be back at home and I slammed down the phone...as usual *giggles* Well, he did came back home...at about 4 am. Lots of things was on my mind yesterday that I couldnt sleep at all. I put my trust in him that he is not cheating on me and I believe that he will not but sometimes, I juz tend to think too much and I'm quite a sensitive person as well. I never like that part of me but that is me...I have to accept it. I dont think I can change it so I have to accept it. That is my quote for life. Things that happened to me in the past...were never easy to forget...in fact, I cant seem to forget it at all. Even if it happened many years ago...it still runs in my mind from time to time. My mind is still in a mess now, in fact, I am still in a mess now. Well, I have noone to blame but myself. Bleh...juz have to get a hang of myself until I am fully settled down...I wonder when will it be...Will I be able to settle down at all? *shrugs*

BB's Birthday Eve...

2010-02-18T22:15:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be BB's 2 years old birthday...Happy birthday BB in advance. *giggles* Me and SC will be bringin her out tomorrow to play as much as she wants. She loves going to Kids Gym so we'll be there with her in the morning till afternoon. Cheers to SC for accompanyin us. I thought that he didnt want to go in the first place but he said BB's birthday...must go...so sweet of him. Juz hope that BB will enjoy her day tomorrow... Mom is back to KL but she went up to Genting already. I called sis this morning since I received missed call from her but she said she'll call me back cuz she's busy. Well, I waited till night time but no call from her yet. When I finally call her back, mom is already in Genting and their flight tomorrow is early in the mornin. WTH? There goes my chance of seeing her. *grins* SC's mom was sort of grumbling saying that I'm her daughter and yet I didnt visit her or something like that. Sigh...I didnt want to explain...I juz kept quiet. Finish my dinner fast and get out from the dining table. I juz hate it when people said that. Have I not become a good daughter? Even my mom has not treated me like her daughter but I did make an effort to visit her and all...what can I do when she's not free? What is it with the what kind of daughter is this...I hate it so much...I hate how my mom treats me....I hate how she didnt call me while she called my sis and my bro...I hate how she left me on my own....I hate it....but she is still my mom...whatever that she did or she does, she is still my mom...my one and only mom and I love her for being my mom...

Confused...

2010-02-17T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm confused...I dont know what to think, what to do. Everything I do felt wrong...everything I think felt not right...Am I supposed to be here still while the rest of my family members are at Penang? What am I doing here and not there? Arent I supposed to be there paying my respect? I do not know...Deep inside me, the feeling is heating me up...Contradicting as always...I want to be there but at the same time, I dont want to be there. Which is right...which is wrong? This would be my third family member that passed away. First two would be my grandparents on my dad side. I wasnt even anywhere near them as I was still very little and all I could remember is that when my grandpa passed away, my dad showed me my name written in the newspaper and I had to pin on a piece of white cloth over at the sleeve of my shirt. When my grandma passed away, cant remember much, I juz remembered seeing her picture sent over by my aunt. This time would be my grandpa from my mom's side. I am old enough now and I know perfectly well what is going on but I still dont know how to handle it, how to respond to it. Why is that so? It is juz that everything happened too fast...One after another and I even didnt have any time to heal perfectly...I am still recovering from whatever happened in the past and now things juz keep adding on. I am really scared...scared of losing people close to me especially SC. I can only pray for their safety and hope that God will watch over him and people who are close to me. Grandpa, although I am not by your side, although I did not see you for the last time, I want you to know that I'm glad that you are my grandpa. I appreciate everything that you did to me, even though I am only one of your many grandchildren. I am sure that God take you away from all of us for a reason and I am sure that you will watch over all of us from there. I love you grandpa...please rest in peace and we will take good care of ourselves...do not worry over any of us... *Peace out...

Rest in Peace...

2010-02-15T19:34:00.002+08:00

Shocking news...I was not expecting this but it happened...and that is the fact that I cannot change...Today is the second day of CNY and it is also a day to remember....it is the day that my grandfather passed away...may he rest in peace. All my family members are going down to Penang tomorrow except for me. I'm not even sure whether I am doing the wrong thing or not. My mom told my sis and my brother to go but she didnt call me. For what reason, I do not know...probably she juz couldnt get me on my handphone. I heard the news from my brother anyway... Regardless of that...although I am not close to my grandpa...but he is still my grandpa...my one and only one and with him gone, I'm sure I will miss him alot. God has taken him back to His hand and will take good care of him from now on. He will not suffer anymore. May he look up upon each and everyone of us from Heaven. I will miss him so much....please...rest in peace... I really dont know how should I respond when I got the news...no tears were shed...not until now...life is so fragile...how I wish there would be someone to share my sadness...I didnt tell anyone except for SC and apparently he told his parents. Anyway, I dont like to talk bout it though so I juz pretend that nothing happen...deep down I'm lost...not knowing how to react...

Sleepless night...

2010-02-15T09:45:00.002+08:00

This few days I couldnt sleep at all and I wasnt as tired as I expected. I had been sleeping very late at night...probably bout 3 am and wake up early in the morning bout 9 am. Today is only the second day of CNY...not even sure whether time is passing by fast or slow. *shrugs* Anyway, I was out almost the whole day yesterday and was only back home for a rest in the afternoon, that was the time for BB's nap time. I was busy crocheting anyway. I still got lots of yarns left so I am making myself a coat. Doing that, I'm not even sure whether I have enough yarns onot...*shrugs* Cross my fingers then... Yesterday morning was out for visiting and night time was out for dinner with my dad, sis and bro. We had our dinner at King Crab. Dinner was great...not the food but the ambiance and the interaction between my family members. Lots of photography session though since my sister brought her huge camera. I brought my camera as well but I didnt use it at all. BB was busy playing with the others, although Ashley didnt want to play with her. She juz tag along. My brother got a girlfren and even showed her picture to me. Well, pleasant girl and she even go to the house to teach my stepsis and giving her tuition. At least she is willing to teach. SC was busy drinking since my dad's fren was there and he is a foreigner, rather a white, and he drinks as well. That will keep him entertained while I interact with my family members. Kiddos were all playing iPhone at the end of the day. Children nowadays...*shrugs* Even BB was playing with my iPhone. Oh well...that would keep her entertained as well. Overall, great dinner. But this year my dad didnt give me any ang pau *shrugs* Oh well...at least the ang pau that she gave BB is a big one *giggles* Dad is going to Langkawi today, he should reached there already and my brother is alone at home as he wanted. May God bless him and let him be safe. Will call him from time to time since he's not a kiddo anymore. 17 years old and counting...

Happy CNY and Happy Valentines Day...

2010-02-14T01:57:00.002+08:00

This year Chinese New Year is on Valentine's Day. Well, Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Valentines Day too !!! *giggles* For me, Chinese New Year is more to a family thing while Valentines Day...everyday is Valentines Day for me so nothing special bout that. Being together with SC is the best Valentines pressie I ever had...although he is not with me right now *shrugs* He will be back soon...I hope. Anyway, nothing much to say juz those two wishes to everyone. Nitez*

Computer Died...

2010-02-13T00:05:00.002+08:00

Damn...my desktop computer juz died on me. I'd tried to revive it as my best knowledge but I failed to do so. Need to send it to the hospital tomorrow, juz before the festive seasons. *shrugs* Luckly I still have my lappy to use. Wifi wasnt really stable for now so I still have extra port for LAN cable *giggles* At least I do not have to unplug any one of the other computers. I juz luv to have my lappy around me. This few days I had been bringing my lappy to work. Although I do not need it there but I juz luv its presence. *winks* Anyway, today was a fun day. Working day but we spent half day outside. We went for charity places in the morning. I actually requested to stay in the office since I got alot of work to do but my MD insisted that I follow him *grins* No choice then...Well, we went to Spastic school as well as old folks home. It was really an experience. Visiting those places will open up our eyes to value our lives even more as we are much more fortunate and blessed that those childrens and old folks that we visited. We actually give ang pau to those old folks and they were very happy. Good deed brings good karma. That is what I believe. Yada yada....half day wasted outside but those were one good hell of an experience. I even brought my camera which almost died on me as well. Battery was low but luckly it managed to stay alive until the end of the day. I posted some pictures in my Facebook though. I juz luv one of the pic that I took today. It was with Preston though. It was blur though cuz my hand shook. Darn...I didnt switch on the anti shake *shrugs* Oh well...I still like that picture. I even took picture of Jacky and Fazli playing PS3 from the back...slacking!!! Duh...that was after office hours anyway. Nothing much bout today...I'm actually crocheting a valentines present...still trying to do that but hope it will be nice...*Adios...

Life is unfair...

2010-02-11T23:22:00.002+08:00

Life can be very unfair at times...I was at the special children's home, visiting them for office charity. We do that every month and I took part in mostly all of it. Anyway, it was such a scene to see so many of the special children, lying in the house, unable to move, all range from different ages. Theirs body parts were deformed, speeches were unclear, growth were affected. Some were even at the age of 17 years old but the size of a 7 years old. Their parents, or rather used to be parents, left them on their own knowing their condition, left some of them at the side of the road, in the basket, on their own. How cruel can they be? Every humans are special and every life are important. They may be deformed, but they are still human, they are still your child. How could the parents juz leave them like that? After going thru all the hard labour, juz abandoned them like they never had them before...This is life, the real world that we are living in. That is why, we should be blessed and be thankful enough to be who we are right now. I do not pity them...in fact, I'm happy for them to be able to stand strong until now. They might be going thru a hard time, much more than I am...but at least they are still breathing...they are still alive. Today is the first time I visited special children's home and I'm glad that I did. It was a good experience. I tried to talk and play with some of them, actually juz one of them since she is so cheerful and happy when we came. Sat down next to her, playing with her...She was happy...laughing and smiling, wanted to be loved and pampered juz like everyone else. When we were about to leave, her expression changed. Sorry to leave but we have to leave. I told her that I 'sayang' her *winks* She nodded and said bye to me. Although they are special, but they did their best to live on, and their caretaker did their best to take care of each and everyone of them. May God bless everyone of them. They might have a difficult path ahead of them but dont worry...I'm sure God has everything planned for them. Please stay strong....I'm proud of each and everyone of them... Speaking of life, death is another story. I juz got a message from SC's fren, saying that one of his fren, someone whom I knew as well, juz passed away due to cancer. He is at the same age of SC. He is still young and he juz had a kid not long ago. Less than a year. God decided to take his life away. May you rest in peace. Life is so valuable but yet some people could juz take it away, hurting other people, commiting suicide, or even attempt suicide...Dont they know life is so valuable? Someone who is very much alive wants to die while someone who is at the edge of dying would give away anything to stay alive. Anyhow, this is human...this is the real life. Everyone tends to take things for granted, even for life. I'm afraid of death to be honest. Sometimes, it would juz come to me, what happen when someone dies? What will happen when I die? Izit feel like I'm sleeping, having dreams and all...the only difference is that I will never wake up again? It was really scary everytime when I thought of that and I ended up crying and value my life even more. Human will die at a time but what will happen when human die? Do they reborn again and start everything again? Do they stay alive in Heaven looking down at the real world? I do not know...I will never know...That is why I am afraid...afraid of life and death... Life is never fair. We juz have to live with it and do our part to even it up. I am thankful and blessed with who I am, with my parents for bringing me into this world...giving me a chance to experience the up and down of life, and I will swear in the name of God that I will appreciate this life given to me and will live life to the fullest. That will be the best that I can do as a human...*Peace out..

WTH!!!

2010-02-09T21:29:00.002+08:00

Two words say it all....Pissing off...to the max. I was freaking pissed off that I was in tears yesterday night on my way back home. No more happy go lucky me in the office...I'll definitely show my pissed off face to work from now onwards...

Monday blues...

2010-02-09T00:45:00.002+08:00

Somehow rather I'm having Monday blues today...towards the end of the day anyway. I didnt drive my car to work today. My collegue, Jacky came over to fetch me since I'll be meeting up with SC for dinner. Yada yada...nothing much today. I was pretty tired since I slept pretty late yesterday. Couldnt sleep for some reason and again...I had a dream...a dream that I would not want to share. *grins* I hardly dream and this two nights I had been dreaming and I could only remember bits of it. Rather keep it to myself. Anyway...SC is out drinking with his brother and KF, I think. I actually wanted to join him but he didnt wan so I left and went back home. But at least I enjoyed my dinner tonight. I was pretty late since I didnt drive and I followed KF's car. Well, almost everyone were there when we reached the restaurant and my MD's table were full. I guess luck was on my side today *winks* When I went out to pick up call from Adrian and then I came back in with SC, I was told to sit on the same table as my MD. Cheers to whoever... Dinner was great I suppose. Joked around...had fun...but I was having a lil headache due to work. Stress I suppose? I juz wish I could juz fall asleep that time...or maybe drink? *grins* Anyway, I drove SC car back home while SC followed KF's car and meet up with his brother. I left my bottle in KF's car anyway *shrugs* Can't think now...need to rest... Oh ya...I went to 1 Utama yesterday for shopping *giggles* I actually had allowance to buy clothes *winks* Allowance from a particular person. Cheers to him...not any of my family members though...Well, at least I bought a lot of clothes for New Year. I still remember I went shopping to buy clothes during last year end and now, I was doing my shopping again with SC. Happy happy...for the time being *shrugs* But one thing for sure...SC pampers me alot today and I really like it. I'm childish...I know...I never get bored of being pampered cuz that is my nature...love being pampered. Suddenly I misses Terence...he got his own way to pamper me as well...I guess I'll give him a call tomorrow juz to talk to him. I didnt want to disturb him much since he is having his last term and it would be an important term for him to grad. Anyway...wish him all the best *winks* Tired...will be going for a jog tomorrow morning before going off to work...I hope *giggles* Adios peeps*

Short dream...

2010-02-06T08:57:00.002+08:00

I had a dream juz a while back before I woke up...I cant remember what kind of dream was it or what was the story of the dream but one thing for sure...I dreamt of him...someone that I'm trying my best to let go. There he was, in my dream...in a room somewhere. I was walking past his room and the door was half open. When I glanced into the room, there he was, sleeping with his lappy next to him. I guess he fell asleep while using his lappy as he always did...Can't remember what happened after that...Weird eh? Short but means alot to me...at least that is what I think... *Peace out...

Contradictions...

2010-02-06T00:22:00.002+08:00

I find myself quite contradicting at times...in fact, most of the time I am. Contradicting in a sense that I tend to speak out and think differently. I hate it much but I dont think I have a choice not to be contradicting. To me, if being that way make the other party happy, why not? At least it will leave a good impression rather than a bad one. Certain things, I would be happy to juz say no but saying that will not help much. It is not easy at all to bear with all this messy feelings. I know perfectly well where I stand and where I should remain. I love SC alot, I love BB alot, I love my family alot, I love my certain close frenz alot. Most of the times, I have to keep up with everyone's selfishness. Am I tired with it? I guess no...they are the one that keep me alive, keep me breathing... They are my puzzle pieces...without any of them, I am not complete. Sometimes I really wonder, where will I be...who will I become...what will I be doing...if my life is without all of them...Juz wondering and of course I do not wish for it to come true. I will be shattered. Friends come and go...not many stays with me. Well, at least I know that I'm not easy to click. Only a handful of my so-called frenz can handle my selfishness and thanks to them...I'm still breathing. You called that true frenz? I suppose so...Betrayal of frenship, betrayal of relationship...those are part and parcel of life. It is juz how we handle it when it does happen. It may not be easy but hey...life is never easy. I am truly blessed with what I have now and that is something that I will never regret in my whole life. SC may throw his tantrum at me sometimes but most of the times, he will be there juz for me. He is the one that truly cares for me...when I was sick, when I was hospitalized, when I was in labour, when I have nightmare...he is always by my side whenever I wake up. But at times, I really hate myself for messing my life up. I do have this principle of not having to regret anything that I did and yes, I still keep up with that. Everything I did up to now, I never regret it in my whole life. Happiness and sadness, it will remain as my precious memories without any regrets. I do not hate anyone...I learn not to hate anyone because hate can never solve matters. Hate will make things worse. I learned it the hard way after having to experience my family conditions. Juz be blessed with everything that you have now...that is what I believe in.

Genting Trip...

2010-02-04T23:51:00.003+08:00

It had been a long weekend for me and overall, I had a wonderful and tiring day spent with my little family. This little request that was approved by my MD is actually about this trip. This trip to Genting, with juz me, SC and BB, was meant for our honeymoon along with BB. That was the second time BB had been up in Genting but that was the first time she played those indoor games. She was having so much fun anyway. In fact, that was the first time I actually played all the indoor games with all the family rides. We were there for 3 days 2 nights, staying in Theme Park Hotel. It was close to outdoor theme park but quite a distance from indoor theme park. Oh well...at least the room was much better than First World Hotel's room. First day, we were there in the afternoon after our lunch. SC paid for BB and me to play the indoor games. We bumped into Camie though. Small world...we also bumped into our neighbour...really small world. Anyway, SC didnt want to join us in playing those rides. First day was ok but towards the night time, I was suddenly suffocating. Something wasn't right about me. I was having difficulties in breathing, I was having dizziness. SC told me to get some sleep and I did...after a hard time. I didnt have a good sleep anyway... Second day, my condition wasn't any better. We woke up for breakfast but I couldnt eat anything at all. I was having nausea, felt like vomiting, having dizziness...it was really bad. I requested to stay in the room for the time being until I am much better. I took some rest while BB was playing on her own in the room and SC went out to the casino. It was till afternoon time that SC came back and we went out for lunch. My appetite havent recover yet but I can still walk normally. My nausea wasnt that bad but still there. This time, SC joined us for the indoor games. It was really fun...well not the thrilling fun but fun in the sense that we were all together at that time...Towards the late afternoon, while playing one of the game, BB fell asleep. It was quite shocking but I guess she was really tired. We went back to the room after that. Journey back to the room was tiring since I have to carry BB back. SC carried her but was exhausted after a while. Anyway, we stayed in the room for quite some time cuz I wasnt feeling well anyway. SC went out again to the casino. I was practically suffocating so I ended up calling some of my frenz juz to talk...at least I wun think much about it. I guess luck wasnt on my side. Everyone was busy....doing their own things so I ended up forcing myself to rest until dinner time. SC came back and we went out for dinner and to continue the games till night time. Third day, we checked out and went back home.... During my stay at Genting, I did talked to my MD a little. He was asking how was everything, making sure I did enjoy my time there, telling me to enjoy my time there. Thanks to him for being concern and I did have fun there. At the same time, I was planning on the CNY dinner that I need to get everyone's confirmation for the dinner. I didnt call everyone, I juz send messages to everyone. I only called a handful of people. Anyway, dinner was confirmed at Bangsar Seafood Restaurant...juz hope that it will be a great dinner cuz that will be the last time I'm gonna organize for company activity. I was happy today at work...at the same time quite stressed. Happy cuz my MD said I look prettier...*giggles* Whether it is only juz for fun...I take it as a compliment. Whether it is true or not...at least that brights up my day today. Cheers to him...Anyway, I have one more week to complete my task on hand and 3 migrations are queueing up *shrugs* All have to be done before CNY. I guess I need to bring some back home to do else I am not going to finish it. Really frustrated at times... Supposed to write on my feelings but I got fed up with my wireless connection and it is getting late anyway so I'll write more tomorrow. Stay with me? *giggles* Chioz peeps...

Happy Marriage...

2010-02-01T00:40:00.002+08:00

Congratulations to the newly wed, Preston and Liz. I juz came back from their lovely wedding dinner ceremony. I didnt eat much but in fact, I drank quite a lot. Well, not to say alot anyway, not even tipsy but I was happy...happy for them, happy for me. I was there early anyway. I thought of going to the restaurant to confirm the CNY dinner though. I guess I was there too early. I saw Camie and Rose there though. Yada yada...Apparently my seating is with my MD and not with Camie. *shrugs* Sitting with Camie and the others would be even more fun than my seating. At least we get to drink and get crazy there. I was sitting next to SC and next to me was empty. Danny and KF supposed to be sitting there so I had to get some dishes for them as instructed by my MD. Oh well...I knew they would be late and I even sent a message to KF asking him to come faster. Nothing much bout that. My seating was to eat and from time to time I would go to Camie's table to join along with Gene and Frank for drinking session. There were 3 other guys at their table who likes drinking as well. Clicked and we tagged along so we ended up drinking together *Cheers to everyone...I drank beer, I drank liquor. Not good for my tongue but who cares...At least it doesn't hurt so much anymore. When Preston came to our table, we were so noisy that Preston distant himself away from us. That was funny though but at least I was having fun there. SC went for second round at his frenz place with his brother and I ended up at home. I was pretty tired anyway. By the way, I'm hungry as well..probably I'll get some noodles for myself. Didn't eat much there anyway but ended up drank quite a lot. *shrugs* Anyway...I wish that this newly wed couple would have an everlasting moments together and congrats to them for taking one step higher in their life. It may not be an easy road but as long as they love each other, they could overcome every challenge of life. At least that is what I believe in. I wouldnt say that my marriage is a perfect one but at least both of us tried to make it that way. I am blessed with what I have and will not take things for granted. Learned the hard way though. Going to make some noodles and going to sleep...*Chioz..

Revealed...

2010-01-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

As promised, well, Thursday night I came home early, immediately after work but due to the traffic, I reached home probably bout 7.30 pm. Only grandma was at home. My parents in law went out already so only 3 of us including BB had dinner together. Juz a normal daily routine until quite late at night. SC was out that night, he went to Sunway to buy some stuff and went to Coco Banana as well for some drinking. The last time I talked to him on the phone was when I was at work, in the evening. Anyway, I was playing with my lappy when the parents came back, that time was quite late already..almost midnight. Mom came into the room and started grumbling about SC. I knew where he was but I juz told her that he went to Sunway to buy some stuff then I never call him already. She was still grumbling there. I could see that she was angry. When she left the room, I got tired so I went to take some rest. SC came back probably 1 hour later, that time was already about 1.30 am. I was still awake that time but as usual, I pretended I was sleeping because I knew that something will happened and I was right. Mom came into the room and started scolding SC. I was 'sleeping' and so was BB so they talked outside the room. The door wasnt close so of course I could hear everything and I was still awake that time. She was scolding him for going out every night like that, asking what was wrong and all...mentioning about me and BB are his responsibility and all...It was a bad scolding...I felt bad for him but at the same time, I was relieved. When all the scolding ended, he came back into the room and trying to wake me up but I remained 'sleeping'. He told me to wake him up earlier tomorrow for work. Well, I couldnt sleep the whole night and I knew that he couldnt sleep as well. He was very different that night. Hugging me to sleep, holding on to me while sleeping, telling me time after time that he loves me, kissing me on my forehead....that was something that I really miss...that was how he always pampers me. I do not want him to pamper me by giving me gifts or giving me materials...the only thing I want from him is all this small things that he does...gestures, pampering...kisses, huggies, words, all those are my form of materials that I need and those cant be bought or obtained by money. Those are priceless... After that, he suddenly became a little different. He came to look for me for lunch the next day...huggies and holding hands...kisses as well...I really miss having all of those. Thanks to the scolding I suppose....Anyway, I went to Sunway Pyramid today to buy a new tongue barbell and I bought one with pattern. Shorter and bigger barbell? And it costs me 40 bucks. *grins* The shop that I bought was filled with it. Quite alot to choose from also. Well, shorter is better and I can talk better and eat better now. Preston wedding dinner is tomorrow...Will be looking forward to that and congrats to him for being bonded. He is now one step higher in life. Cheers to him... *shrugs* Need to do the catalogue for SC. *Peace out...

Last Day of the Week...

2010-01-29T23:35:00.002+08:00

Finally...after staying late in the office, I finally finish updating my things...Although not all problems solved but that was the best I could do. At least today, office was pretty quiet. My supervisor was on leave and my MD was in a good mood. I was busy doing my work and at the same time, organizing for CNY dinner. Anyway, it'll be on 8th Feb, Monday since Michael said he'll be coming down on that day if I were to have the dinner on that day. Cheers to him then...Monday it is and it will be at the same place Preston gonna have his wedding dinner. The menu is not confirmed yet so I'll be going to meet the one whom I spoke to to arrange for the menu on Sunday. My MD didnt want shark fin *shrugs* Oh well...at least we will be having CNY dinner with everyone around. Juz hope everyone could go. Cheers for putting effort in organizing it *giggles* Nothing much happened today though...juz a quiet day and a busy day for me cuz I need to finish up everything today and next week, I'll be busy with other things, migrations and credit note refund. Dr Siaw even called me today to ask on my progress *shrugs* Anyway...I'm not really in the mood to blog now. Really tired...something did happened but I dun think I wanna talk bout it now. Will update tomorrow I guess since SC will be going out for some company annual dinner and I'll be at home. Ya...good time to reveal what had happened. SC will be having holiday tomorrow so we'll be going to Sunway tomorrow since I want to change my tongue barbell. He'll accompany me for that since he wanted to get his car serviced anyway. Well, he's at home now so I better spend some time with him. Something happened yesterday that is why he is behaving well today and even stayed at home. I'm not sure whether I should be happy or not though...but I'm glad and happy at the same time that he's spending time with me and pampering me even more nowadays... I'll reveal more tomorrow...*Adios...

Stupid work...

2010-01-29T00:50:00.002+08:00

I was so frustrated today...I had my own work to do and for the past 2 days, I was supposed to finish it but ended up helping my MD and Jacky to do the CD compilation. Finally, when the CD is completed, I thought I have my own time to finish up my stuff but no...more things ahead of me. Singapore side reported that some freezing issues that I thought was fixed, was still persisting. I am really lost on why it happen that way. Can't even debug on the problem cuz it doesnt happen all the time, only once in a blue moon and it is really very random. Gosh...this is really frustrating...Other than that I still need to finish up my work on hand, updating the O&G to the latest version before next week and tomorrow will be the last day. Worst still...my supervisor didn't come to work today and he was supposed to come up with a program to fix some client issue and ended up, I am the one who supposed to do it. What the heck? My head cant store so many things...I can't do so many work...then some stupid collegue of mine who is handling the installation bugged me with more work, on migration for client...That client is Danny's client and ya...he told me it wasn't really urgent so that is why I didnt work on it yet. Cuz of that, I so-called had an argument with Danny. Can't imagine how 'hot' I was that time. I was practically on fire. Why muz so many things come up when I'm at the point of rushing my own work. I get really fed up over all this. Anyway, I still got one more day to finish up my O&G side as well as all the others bugs reported by Singapore. As for the migration, I'll do it next week, along with KF's migration that juz came in today *grins* Then I'll continue with my Credit note module which was supposed to be done end of this month. WTH...seriously the company need more programmer...I can't handle everything on my own...Really wanted to shout today... Going to sleep...can't think. Oh ya...for the first time, I tried to take out my tongue barbell. I can easily take it out and slip it back in. So I was thinking of changing the barbell on Saturday. I guess I'll be going shopping with SC on Saturday for the barbell. Really getting annoyed of being laughed and talked like a retard. *Peace out...

Busy day...

2010-01-27T22:51:00.002+08:00

Today is another busy day at work. At least I had much fun at work. My plan was to go to office early since my MD will be reaching early today but I guess I was a lil late, but still much earlier than usual. Supposed to reached at 7.30 am but ended up reaching at 8 am *giggles* I was quite surprised this morning when I received SMS from my MD asking me where am I ? That was the first time though. I replied while stuck in the moving traffic, saying that I'm still stuck but almost reach office already. His reply was....breakfast on you. I ended up laughing at his reply. When I reached office, I saw him at Media so after I parked my car at my usual spot, I walked over to Media juz to found out that he drove to the office already. So I had to walk back to the office but half way, he stopped me and told me to go back to Media. He'll accompany me for breakfast. That was nice of him but I didnt have my breakfast though. Juz a drink to chill my precious tongue *shrugs* That was the first time I have breakfast with only him alone. He mentioned that as well. We talked about certain stuff, from business to family. As usual, he will still ask me on my condition, how am I doing with SC and BB...Thanks for being concern. I considered myself lucky despite having a broken family background. I do not get love and care from my family members before but I was lucky that I can get them from frenz around me who are close to me now. Not many of them but the numbers were enough to shower me with endless and limitless love and care. I am blessed with having them by my side. SC and his family, Terence, KW, some of my collegues, even my MD. Juz a handful of them but enough for me to stay alive and keep walking...Either way, I still have my family members by my side as well, healthy and breathing and that is all I wish for. I may not be like any other girl as I know what I lack, where I stand, how I was brought up. Independant at certain time, strong on the outside but weak on the inside, happy go lucky girl, happy with every small little thing...yada yada...not praising myself though. Adrian mentioned that I'm very fragile on the inside...I agree with him. By the way, I lost myself yesterday. SC had been out again most of the nights, in fact, quite often nowadays, fishing and drinking...up to yesterday, I lost myself. We ended up quarelling and I ended up in tears...Tears is something that is good for me now. As long as I get to cry my heart out, I will be fine and I did juz that. I was alone...in tears, suffocating from everything...I really needed that as I held up really hard up till now. I'm not sure how long I was in tears...SC did came to me and apologize to me...pampering me, soothen me back but I was still in tears...even when the time I went to sleep...I fell asleep in tears...I cant help it but I couldnt stop the tears from flowing down. That was my weakness...The only one that saw me cry before is of course SC...other than that will be Terence and my MD. Not that I purposely did it in front of them, but that time...it was juz too much for me to hold it up. Anyway, back to what happened today...After breakfast with my MD, we went back to the office and I helped him to get the CD done. Jacky wasn't in the office yet. He decided to change his usual breakfast place for today so he was a lil late. I helped him in normalizing the volumn and recompile the whole thing again. The CD need to be out by 12 pm and after all the hassle..all the ups and downs...the CD was out on time. I can continue back my task but Jacky still look for me from time to time for some help in his task. Gosh...juz like the blind leading the blind. That was my first time doing it as well. I guess after this first time...I will expect a second time. Well, at least my MD was in a good mood the whole day today...he even bought Pizza for all of us. I was having a lil trouble eating but I did have a slice of it. Cheers to him... SC came to look for me for lunch today. I was supposed to have lunch with Jacky anyway. Sorry for ffking him in the end but I would rather have lunch with SC. We had lunch at The Wok...the same place where Alex brought me for lunch with the others last week. He treated me with extra care and pampering today. That is good news for me. At least I know that my tears were not for nothing. Well, that was my day. I left the office quite late today but not as late as yesterday. My MD said I came early today so I should be back early. *shrugs* No such principle. I still got work to do anyway. Things started to change. My MD started to get his temper back so I left the office. Didn't want to stay there any longer since the whole office was practically quiet. *grins* Will continue my work tomorrow. Few more days...I'll be looking forward to my request from my MD. Thanks again for granting me that request. Also, Preston's wedding dinner is drawing near..Will be looking forward to that also...CNY company dinner...still in planning process...didnt really have the time to ask but I'll prepare that by this week. Hopefully everything will be ok. Preston will be on leave tomorrow...wedding leave. Danny and KF will be outstation tomorrow as well. Hope they have a safe journey there and all the best to both of them. I did send them SMS on that but no reply *grins* Forget bout it...Kuching...my hometown...juz miss that place. Will be going back there soon..that's for sure. That is the place that I grew up...that is the place that I spent my childhood time..I miss it so much... Tired...going to sleep now *Chioz peepz..

Working Late...

2010-01-26T23:28:00.002+08:00

Today is one of the days that I stayed late in the office. I stayed in the office until about 8.30 pm. Me, my MD and Hanif were the one left. In fact, tomorrow I'll be going to office early also to help clear things up. I was told that my MD will be going to office early so juz hope that he keeps his words. Anyway, I was really busy at work today, not doing my things though...I was assigned to help Jacky, our new marketing guy with the CD compilation. My supervisor was supposed to be helping but he didn't turn up today so I was the one ended up helping. I didn't know anything bout that also so it will be like the blind leading the blind. I still remember how confused I was in the morning when I helped Jacky. Well, at least we got things under control but there were still somethings not right so I'll get it right tomorrow early in the morning. Cross my fingers then. Anyway, my MD drove me to my car juz now after work since my car was in front and we came out through the back door. He was worried that someone will kidnap me so he offered to drive me to my car. We had a little talk while in the car anyway. He was asking how is everything for me. He told me something that struck me by the way. He said he knew me so long, I rarely stayed in the office till this late so something must be wrong. Well, thanks for being concern but everything is ok. Juz that SC was out for drinking and I figured that my presence in the office is needed so I stayed. I was happy that he is concerned over all this. I guess he is juz as observant as others that I knew. I really appreciate it and blessed that I have someone like him to care about me. I juz feel lucky...that's all. So..I'm really very tired now. Will be signing off and getting some early rest and be prepared for tomorrow. I will have a busy day again tomorrow *shrugs* *Adios*

Life is full of wonder...

2010-01-25T22:10:00.002+08:00

That's it...I'm seriously juz being plain stupid. Like I said, no more next time. That will be my last time being close to someone...either way, I still have people close to me and appreciate me the way I am and I am happy that way. I have SC as my partner for life...I have Terence as my best boyfren for life...I have KW as my best brother for life...that is enough for me. At least they do not hurt me, instead they took care of me and care for me much. At least I play an important role to them and I am someone who is important to them...They are juz all I needed in this life... Sometimes I wonder...what if one day I ended up in a hospital...probably due to attacks, or maybe accident? Who will be there by my side when I wake up? Well, at least I know that those people that come to me are those that care for me. What happen when I ended up dying? Who will mourn for me? I really dunno...I really want to know...I really want to know how much I mean to them... I'm really lost...I really dont know what to do...KW said I'm strong...Terence as well...but I wonder...am I really that strong? Where am I heading? Why do I need to be strong? It hurts so much to be strong but deep down it is like a cut in me. I guess that is one of the reason why I want to have my tongue piercing. I have a habit...bad habit of mine. Whenever I'm hurt, I tend to do stupid things that is painful so that I could feel that pain more than the pain in my heart. Terence knew this very well because I went through that with him before. I guess habits will always remain as habits... I dont wan to think anymore...I dont want to remember anymore...Enough is enough. I'm tired of everything...tired of my weakness...tired of my so-called being strong...tired of myself being plain stupid. I need a break...Words were right...I take things for granted...And I always have this principle that I never regret the things that I did and yes...I never regret everything...I juz accept it if it goes wrong and learned from it. Time will heal...as what KW said...he is also worried over me. Thanks kor...for being concern about me. Juz be by my side more and it will make me feel much better... My life went back to how it was before. Not so much of phone calls, not so much of messages, not so much of online messages...should I be glad that everything is over? I guess I should be...those were juz memories...plain stupid memories...

Happy 3rd Anniversary...

2010-01-25T00:01:00.003+08:00

Today, or rather 24th January, is my wedding anniversary. I am really fortunate and blessed that this relationship is already bonded for 3 years and we first started in 10th December 1998, 2 days after SC's birthday. 11 years of relationship at this age is not easy at all. I still remember the time when he asked me to be his partner in a prom, if I'm not mistaken it was SMSU's prom or somewhere nearby, can't really remember. The prom was held at Sheraton Hotel. That was my first prom ever...I was still a kid back then but one thing for sure, I was having fun. That was the time when he asked me to be his girlfren and I became his stead after that. It was weird how we both get along so well since he's the notti type and I'm the goodie type. All my frenz were always wondering what tied us together. Probably its Ying and Yang. Anyway, thank God for blessing me in this relationship and made me who I am now. This 11 years had been a wonderful and blessing years that I had in my whole life. Well, we didn't celebrate that much though since it is also his dad's bdae. We went out for dinner together and SC planned to have a family outing, juz the three of us soon. Will update more on that. Today is also Ashley's birthday...my sister's daughter. She had her party over at McD at Centerpoint and we were invited. BB had so much fun there. She had her nuggets and fries...even played slide with the others. At least she was having fun... Although today is one of our special occasion but we didnt really celebrate it much. We both know within ourselves how much we love each other, how much we care for each other and that is enough, at least for me. I dont request for much, pressie or honeymoon, or whatever luxury thingy but I juz hope that there would be many years coming ahead of us and we could be together during those coming years. That will be enough for me... *Yawn...peace out..

Hair Make Over...

2010-01-23T21:13:00.002+08:00

I spent my whole day at Bianco today with Alex, my hair stylist. Appointment was at 11 am but he came only at 11.30 am saying that I was early. Appointment was supposed to be at 12 pm. *shrugs* I have no idea...SC was the one who passed the message to me. Anyway, whole day getting my hair make over. Didn't have any lunch as I planned to eat with either Terence, Adrian or my bro, KW. I didnt expect it to end so late...ended up eating dinner with KW *shrugs* KW came over to my house to fetch me and BB out for dinner nearby. At least he took the trouble to come all the way here to fetch us. Thanks a lot to him, I had my dinner and was filled. I'll be going out again with SC for dinner to accompany him. Juz need to get BB to sleep first. Nothing much for today...I was happy since I pampered myself by spending my whole afternoon with my hair stylist. Cost me a bunch anyway. I hardly style my hair so I dont bother about the price. Well, I need to get back to Alex on Monday after work to continue with hair treatment and he'll give me extra hair wash cuz I cant wash my hair till Monday night *shrugs* Oh well...at least I am happy on my own today without thinking of unnecessary stuff...*Adios

Pampering Time...

2010-01-23T10:44:00.001+08:00

Time to pamper myself....Having appointment with Alex, my hair stylist at 11 am for a hair make over. Cross my fingers then...Juz love pampering myself with that. I wonder who will accompany me for lunch? Guess I juz have to make phone calls....*shrugs* SC is working full day today so I'm on my own. Cheers for making my own plan else I'll rot at home....*Adios..

Laughter...

2010-01-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

I am a laughing stock to everyone nowadays...Everyone means my collegues and even my MD. *shrugs* Anyway, I had my tongue piercing 2 days back and because of that, I couldn't talk properly. Yesterday, Preston, KF and even my supervisor were laughing at me and kept imitating my speech. Today, I had lunch with them together with my MD since I have no lunch appointment today. My MD was practically screaming the whole day today and he was not in the mood. Well, at least during lunch time he is ok back. While we were on the way to our lunch destination, everyone were making fun of my speech, except my MD cuz he dont know yet and of course I couldn't let him know, at least that was what I thought. I remembered when Danny had his piercing, he wasn't really happy with it so I figured it would be the same for me. Anyway, thanks to my piercing, I couldnt have my meal, not even porridge. I was kinda worry over my lunch though. When everyone were making fun of me, my MD was curious on the reason behind it but my signal was strong enough that everyone kept quiet from him *shrugs* Lunch was at Kota Damansara, a Penang food restaurant. Ordered ala carte so I had no choice but to eat *grins* To my surprise, I can eat today...even rice. Thank God for that. At least I didn't raise any doubts from my MD. I ate egg with prawn today as well *shrugs* One of the few things that I cannot eat... That was my lunch. Journey back to the office, we were practically laughing all the way. Making jokes as usual, gossiping about life...it was really lame. When we went back to the office, my MD wasn't so heaty anymore. He was actually asking me a question and when I answered him, he asked me whether I have sweet in my mouth or not. *shrugs* I juz laughed and even my supervisor was laughing. I didnt answer him but he somehow got the answer and even forced me to show it to him. Yup...I did showed it to him and he was making fun of me. He even asked me whether it is pain or not. *giggles* Anyway, I made my move to talk to him in private. I requested for something and after a talk with him, he approved it. Cheers to him...I really needed that. Even during the talk, he was laughing at my speech, asking me to talk to him in English. *grins* At least my day today is filled with laughter. Thanks to everyone that bright up my day today...I think I'll get a hang of having this tongue piercing. I'm handling it quite well also. Cheers to myself? *giggles* Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the things that I requested from my MD. At least it would take my mind off and clear my mind off as well...

Frustation...

2010-01-21T20:01:00.002+08:00

First day after I did my piercing....not that it is pain..I juz get irritated at how I couldn't eat properly..not even porridge. Can only eat some dishes...with a pair of chopsticks and stuff it into the corner of my mouth. That's pathetic...At least I get to eat something *shrugs* Anyway...I need some rest...I'm not feeling good for some reason. Probably it is due to the tongue...*grins* Oh well...need some rest first. Anyway I'm glad that things went pretty well for me today. It might feel awkward but I guess I'm really ok with it already. I think I get used to it already. It hurts me from time to time but I can live with it so bring it on. I have frenz beside me all along to support me whenever I fall and thanks to them..I'm still living as who I am now. I am not so good after all...*Peace out..

New Experience...

2010-01-20T21:13:00.002+08:00

Finally...after all the hassle and calling and sourcing...got whatever I want thanks to Adrian. Well, have to thank him for accompanying me all the way down to 1 Utama to get it. Dinner was on me and that was my last solid dinner that I'll be having for the time being. I still dont feel the pain yet probably I will feel it tomorrow but oh well..What's done is done. Juz have to drink more cold water if pain *shrugs* Cheers to me for being brave? *giggles* I called so many people today...Was busy sourcing rather than doing my work. Called my tattooist...nope..he dont do piercing...Called Inked, the place where Terence got his tattoo, their piercer is out of town. Called Borneo Ink in Hartamas...their piercer is also out of town...they gave me their piercer's handphone number for me to contact juz in case he would changed his mind to come down but to no avail. He'll only come down next month..Too long for me. Cheers to them anyway...Borneo Ink gave me a good and friendly impression when I called them...The guy who answered the call was very friendly..He even made joke with me said that he'll pierce for me *shrugs* The piercer guy, Walter...friendly as well. Probably I'll look for him if I want another piercing...Oh well...got mine..finally. Thousand thanks to Adrian for temaning me. Pain and pleasure....*Peace out...

Memories...

2010-01-19T21:29:00.017+08:00

I took out my stash of cards and letters from old timers...Those were all very memorable...Took pictures of those cards...Might as well share it...See what kind of cards I received last time... This is a birthday card from my best gal frenz from Samad during Form 6...I have 3 gal frenz but only 2 were written in this card... This is also a birthday card from my gal classmates from Samad during Form 6...They were from Subang anyway... This is my Valentine's Card from SC. First and only card from him. He got ugly handwriting that time anyway... I love this card a lot. It's a birthday card all the way from Canada...from an online fren of mine whom I knew from Mud game. I still remember his nickname in the game is Sheridan and he's one of the immortal in that server. Also, he's alot of years older than me...That time he was 30+ I think...*winks* Online crush? *giggles* This is the complete set of birthday cards from my best gal frenz, 3 of them. They do have lots of things to write in the card *winks* This is a birthday card from my brother...I think it's ages ago since his handwriting is super ugly and his message is he wish I could give him present... *shrugs* Birthday card from one of my best frenz in DU. She left us to go overseas when we were in Form 3. We kept in touch with letters and this is one of her letters aka card *winks* This is a goodbye card along with other small gifts from Girls Brigade team back in Kuching when I decided to come to KL... Goodbye card from some good frenz of mine back in Kuching...We were prefect together as well as Girls Brigade.. Goodbye card from another 2 good frenz aka prefect team from Kuching... Goodbye card from Girls Brigade Team...Can't even recall who are they since they are my senior... Goodbye card my prefect seniors...they are guys anyway...I like Brian's signature *giggles* Lastly...these are all my letters and my cards that I received during my old times...I still keep all of them...Juz miss those time...I remembered when I left Kuching, I received lots of letters and cards from them...telling me how they missed me..how frenz react without me around..how some guys cried *shrugs* Those were my sweet little memories...

Interesting thing to do...

2010-01-19T20:44:00.002+08:00

I am gonna do something stupid tomorrow. Well, I guess I have somebody to accompany for being plain stupid. Will update more tomorrow when I did it *winks* Anyway, I'll be going to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Adrian tomorrow. Well, it will be either there or somewhere nearby...depends. He will update me later on the place. Juz hope that I'll get it done tomorrow *giggles* I would like to thank SC for supporting me without any objection. I was quite shock anyway cuz that wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I got Adrian to join me tomorrow juz to see how stupid I am *Cheers to him...Oh ya..I even told Terence that. He wished me luck *shrugs* Well, cross my fingers *Peace out...

Damn it...

2010-01-18T20:23:00.001+08:00

Damn it...I hate this...I hate this so much...Get over it !!! Anyway, I juz had my first meal of the day...Almost died of hunger *shrugs*

New Year Company Dinner...

2010-01-17T23:47:00.002+08:00

Another tiring day today...Juz came back from company dinner at Bangsar Shopping Center. We had our dinner at Monte's, a 5 course dinner set anyway. Preston was supposed to join us but he couldnt make it on time. Anyway, I was supposed to bring BB along but SC told me not to as she'll be quite messy. So we actually left her at home, and went to our destination. We were there early so we walked around. I was happy today. SC finally approved me to get a piercing on my ear top. But then I dunno where to pierce *shrugs* Will source for a place and get him to go there with me. He promised me that anyway. Another thing that he promised is for me to get my hair make over. He's being sweet to me today though... Anyway the dinner was ok, I guess. I spend alot of time talking to SC and to Nicole. Somehow I got really close to her. I like talking to her. At least I find her friendly. She sat opposite me so we talked quite alot during our meal. I didnt take any ciggy today cuz SC is around. The fact is that I would only take it during drinking session or probably when I got lots of things to think about. I guess last few days I really have alot of things to think about. Been smoking quite alot especially yesterday during the congress. I called up Preston when we were about to finish our dinner. He couldnt make it so we were supposed to go for a drink in Library, Curve. He still needs to go down to Wangsa Maju before meeting up with us. It would be too late for us so we skipped that. Next time then...besides, I'm tired myself. Supposed to be in my bed taking my beauty sleep but it will take a while I suppose. I'm currently in a middle of conversation with KW, my dearly petbro. I figured that I really need to talk to him...I really need to share with someone close to me on my so-called problems...I cant keep it to myself anymore...I'll explode...He is the best person to talk to. I told whatever I could...and I'm glad that he would stay up till this late juz to talk to me despite the fact that he needs to wake up early tomorrow. I'm still lost as usual...

Tiring day although off duty...

2010-01-16T22:38:00.003+08:00

I'm supposed to be spending time with my family today but I chose to be with my collegues today. But as I said, I do not have to be there early before 7 am. I can go there anytime and go back anytime. Anyway, I went out with SC early morning to our doctor to get our blood test. I finally get to go for my blood test. I had been delaying it for quite some time. SC took his first then my turn. As expected, our doctor, Dr Lim tried to get my best blood veins. Tried on both my arms but ended up taking the first one. Yup...it was pretty small. If I recall correctly, he was the one who told me that my blood veins are small and becuz of that, I never dare to go for blood donation. It hurts a little though that is why I leave the plaster on until afternoon. After that, SC dropped me at home and I drove to look for my sister. Need to borrow some office attire for her. Seriously, I couldn't fit into her size. She wears S and I wear L ? *grins* That is our difference. After trying on so many clothes, finally found one that kinda fit my size but still a little tight *shrugs* SC told me to buy one for myself next time. With my office attire, I went to Sunway Convention Center to meet up with the others. I reached the congress about 10.45 am. It wasn't hard to find our booth at all since it is the first one after the entrance. Everyone was busy. Gene and Frank were there so I had my time to talk to them first. My MD came to me after he's done with his work. He was surprised of my attire, said that I never wear like that in the office. Thanks for reminding me. I like it to be casual and I had been wearing casual all the way during office hour and noone says anything? I hang around there the whole time, talking to everyone, but not doing anything. Helped a little but very minimum. I dun even know what am I supposed to do there. Lunch time...me and Gene went to look for the place where tea was served. Found the place but there were 'guards' there since that place is only for VIPs. Gene went through the first 'guard' since she stopped me instead. Not long after that he joined me...There were 7 more 'guards' so he made a U-turn and joined me *giggles* We went back to our booth, and KF wanted to have lunch so I requested to buy for him. Well, not only for him, need to buy for everyone, which counted 11. I had Frank to join me since I cant be carrying 11 boxes around. So me and Frank walked around very hard to finally found a place that sells rice, PappaRich. We bought 6 nasi lemak and 5 fried rice. Went back to the congress and had everyone eat their lunch. We short of one pack anyway so Gene went to buy 3 more packs juz for extra in case anyone is hungry... After lunch, Alex asked me whether I want to walk around or not. I joined him to walk around the whole place. He did some explaining, take some pictures...doesnt seems like he is my MD that time. He showed me our competitor, which is a new company. Of course I didnt approach them...When we went back to the booth, I juz hang around. My MD went back not long after that. I was about to leave as well so at first he said he'll walk me to the car. Thanks though but I still want to hang around *winks* That time was 3 pm and I hang around until 4 pm. Apparently during that time, I talked to Nicole, our new sales team from Penang. It was nice talking to her though. Somehow rather, we got close pretty easily and spent alot of time talking. We were both complaining about our sore feet. *shrugs* We were both wearing heels but mine is higher and hers is covered in front. Anyway, she's younger than me 2 years old...reminding me of someone else... But who cares of that...Well, she is very friendly and I realized that I could talk to her easily. After that, I got bored of staying there...Really bored...I requested to leave. Noone stop me though cuz I'm not supposed to be in the first place. *shrugs* On the other hand, it was fun...and also I wasnt feeling quite well but I still hold on to it. I'm strong? *giggles* That was how I spent my time in the congress. When I came home, BB was there so I had her to stay in the room with me while I take some rest. Unfortunately, when I wake up, the whole room was in the mess. Her diapers were all cleared from her drawer to the bed, placed next to me *grins* Bottles, books, toys, everything were on the bed. I wonder how I took my rest without realizing that. I had to wake up and cleared it before SC comes back and started screaming. He came back juz on time, with a gift for me...a Coach bag...a pretty one in fact. Thanks alot...That is my New Year pressie *winks* It could be my bdae pressie as well...I really didnt want him to spend so much money on me...the bag is not cheap ok? Anyway, I was really happy. I gave him a big hug...He always surprise me with gifts. Good news I suppose...I am really blessed to have him as my hubby. We went out for dinner at A&W in State, together with BB. After dinner, we came back home and he went out again while I put BB to sleep. Saturday night...let him go out then. He is going over to Kit's place for game of poker anyway. They were trying to find 'kaki' to play with them. Even asked me to call Terence out. *shrugs* Terence dont gamble...so skipped him. They were still trying to find people to join them. *giggles* Hope he enjoys his poker night. I'll be going bed early I suppose...or not. Depending on my mood. My head is still spinning anyway *grins* By the way...I'll be going for my hair makeover next week...SC will be working whole day and my initial plan is to go shopping. I guess I changed my mind...I would rather spend my precious time pampering myself at the saloon. Cross my fingers then... Oh...one last thing...I kinda made up my mind...I had been thinking over and over again...It's about the spiral ring. Although I like it but I guess I juz have to let it go. So, I decided that I'm not going to take it back. Probably it is a good thing to do. I am really lost...I dont even know who to believe now...don't even know what is right and what is wrong...dont even know where I stand...No point of thinking over all those. You are on your own from now. I have stepped out... That's it...Really tired...going to take my bath and cool my stupid head down...I really hope I'm drinking with Terence right now. Gosh...that was addictive...*Peace out..

Great Lunch...

2010-01-15T21:44:00.003+08:00

I had a great day today...At work, during lunch, after work...My dearly brother of mine, KW, came to look for me for lunch. He brought his girlfren along. Gosh...really young, really innocent. Kor...dont play play with her...but I know you wont, so be blessed with her by your side *winks* I directed him to my office and when he reached, before I could get into his car, he came down from his car and gave me a great hug...Somehow rather I realized that I was really being pampered by people around me nowadays. Probably they have a hunch that I was feeling down. Good news eh? Somore I love being pampered. I can never resist from pampering by them. Childish? Probably but that is what keeps me going and living. Put it this way then...although I had my family with me previously but I was left out from them to the extend that I can safely go back to hometown without worrying about me being attacked, hurt or whatsoever...Weird right? I learned to be independent when I was alone staying with my aunt's family...till the time when I can finally go back home and see my family members but too shock to realized how broken it was without me realizing it. It is a good thing that I learned to be independent. Despite all that, I'm still seeking for love, for pampering...I guess that is what make me who I am now..someone who loves pampering, and I am blessed with people who pamper me and being close to me. Thanks for holding up to my selfishness *winks* Anyway, lunch was at Casa Tropicana. I like the environment there and the food there was ok as well. We spent the whole time talking about all times, how we used to spend our time together last time, how we would walk back from school back to my house and he hangs around until he decided to go back home. I really cant recall any of those. I have bad memories to the extend that I cant remember anything from my childhood. Sometimes I couldnt even remember what happened last week. It's juz me. Well, it was great. Lunch was on him. I was on the phone with my supervisor that time when he paid the bill. He is 16 days younger than me but he is my elder brother that I hold dearly...Even when I reached office, he sent me off by getting down of the car and gave me a great hug again...I miss those time... I guess it is a small world after all...Terence and KW both know Danny *shrugs* We did talked a little about him though. Nothing much but KW somehow realized something was wrong. Although he didnt questioned me but he sort of like hint about it and he somehow guessed it. *grins* Why must all my close frenz be so observant...Or am I really that bad at hiding and keeping things to myself? I didnt tell him much anyway...Didn't want to mention about it anymore... That was my lunch. Thanks for spending the time with me during lunch. Work...I was doing my usual stuff and same goes to everyone. There is a congress tomorrow at Sunway Convention Center so the marketing and the sales team were kinda busy. I was juz slacking around. I made my decision anyway, or rather changed my mind. At first I was thinking that I will make my decision based on an answer but decided not to...I got my answer though but... *shrugs* Anyway, I'll be joining them for congress tomorrow. But not full time. Even some of the support team will be there full time. I wasnt suppose to go anyway but I requested to go and my MD let me go. I can even go there anytime I want and go back anytime I want. Make it simple, I juz go there to slack around *giggles* I could lend a hand or two...KF, my sales team manager, wanted me to go to help him anyway. At least I could try to back this new sales staff from Penang. Cross my fingers then... Tomorrow will be congress so many people will be there, dentists, nurses, students. Attire is definitely not casual *grins* I dont have much office attire although I am always in the office. My attire for office are all quite casual...I actually called my sis and asked for it though...I doubt that she has any attire that can fit me *shrugs* Will see how. I'll be dropping by her place in the morning before going to the congress. Juz hope that there is at least one that suits me *winks* Everyone were busy packing things for the congress and even had a meeting for it. My MD told me I dont need to join them for the meeting *grins* but I joined them right at 6 pm. After work *giggles* Discussions, packings, getting ready for tomorrow. I tried to lend a hand wherever I could. Another thing that was planned that time was New Year dinner. It was supposed to be tomorrow but my MD decided to have it on Sunday night after the congress at Bangsar Shopping Center. I actually requested to bring SC and BB along. Cheers to him...He lets me bring them along. There are others who will be bringing partner though but only confirmed staff dont need to pay for partner. Others need to pay 50%. Beats me...I am confirmed after all and all this while, my MD always wanted me to bring SC along. Perfect couple as he said *giggles* With the green light, I get confirmation from everyone and send confirmation to everyone. I was working close to my MD and KF regarding this. MD because he's the MD and he pays...KF because he's in charge of the congress and the team. Anyway...hope that this would be a great dinner. The place will be in Monte's anyway. Never been there, not even to Bangsar Shopping Center *shrugs* Something surprised me juz now. I juz remembered that our wedding band is engraved with our names. I almost forget it. I even took a picture of it. Felt so sweet... Nice? That is my wedding band. Speaking of ring, I still miss the spiral ring...but I'm not ready to take it back yet. Not when I am recovering...Well, I am really confused with his words sometimes. Wants to wear it but ended up not wearing it, at least not as a neckie since I wore it as neckie before. At least it is not visible to me so I guess it is nowhere close as what he said? *grins* Maybe it is a good idea not to let me see it for now. Probably I will recover faster? Damn....Sometimes I really wish that my old spiral ring would juz pop out somewhere...*shrugs* Going to bed...I suppose...Chioz*

Night out...

2010-01-14T20:57:00.003+08:00

Second entry for the day. *shrugs* Was in a hurry for my dinner a while back. Anyway, this entry will be about yesterday. My dinner and drinking session with Terence alone. Was really looking forward to it to the extend that I was keeping an eye on the time until it ticks at 6 pm. Preston was in the office that time and Terence was nowhere to be found. He tempted me to for a ciggy *shrugs* I went with him to the usual place where we sat down and chat. That was the time when I saw Terence's car stepped into my view. Got him to come down and sit beside me while I finish up my ciggy. They both intro to each other. Somehow rather I felt really happy surrounded by close frenz... After the ciggy, I went upstairs to pack my stuffs and off I go. It was really nice to see Terence that time since I was really feeling down that day. My last tears were never last though but I did held it real hard. That was the past anyway. We drove down to Curve and got to Italiennes for our dinner. He had a two course meal while I had a lasagna. Damn...it was freaking filling. I didnt finish my meal anyway. Then, we went next door to Laundry. Had 2 bucket of Heineken. Terence was worried that we couldn't finish it. *winks* Don't look down on me ok? I can drink *giggles* 10 bottles, I finished 4 and shared one last bottle with him. We talked about everything...SC, Danny, work, my supervisor, my MD, frenz, juz everything to the extend of talking bout shit and I mean really shit. It was so gross when he talked about it while we were having dinner. Trying to be funny. I could still stand it but I do have my limit. *grins* Lots of drinking, lots of ciggys, lots of laughter, lots of joy. It felt great and I was really happy. At least I wasn't feeling down anymore. I am really glad that he was there for me and he kept his promise. Time was short. We finished our drinks, went to the car and stayed there. Well...I was actually 'tipsying' while walking anyway. Furthermore I was wearing heels and the path to his car is through stairs. I was walking super slow, holding on the his hand, his shoulder...Once we reached basement level, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder and started walking to the car. I was never bothered with that. We sat in the car for some time since I was 'tipsying'. He wanted me to sober up so that I could drive back home. I was practically lying down on his shoulders the whole time, giving him a hug whenever I want, a peck whenever I want. He did peck my on my cheeks as well but he did something unexpected though. On the lips...I was shocked but at the same time, relieved. What's with that? He'll know that I'm sober if I push him away. That was what he told me. Trying to be funny again. That wasnt the only time though. Time to time without notice...I didnt push him back cuz I know that was only a friendly yet close kiss. I knew that he wants me to cheer up, because that time, I was telling him my feelings about SC, how I was really tired mentally, how I was holding up for Danny...I was lost and really tired...He understands me really well and thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful fren. Even before I left his car to my car, he kissed me not on my cheek, but on my lips. It was sweet of him.... Terence is someone who is really precious to me. Someone irreplacable, someone that I hold dearly in my heart, someone that knew me deep inside, someone that promised to be there for me whenever I am down, someone who always look out for me, someone who know exactly how to cure me from my swings...I love him...as someone close to me, in a different way that I love SC. He is a dear fren, a dear brother, a dear family, someone that SC trust...at least that is good news for me. I can go out with Terence without the needs to lie and I am really comfortable with him. Thank God again for this wonderful gift... Oh...and this little message is intended for someone close to me. You know who you are... I had alot of fun spending every of our time together...being close and all. I still like how you always manage to pampers me but that was the past. Things is changing now. I hope that you could still pamper me but I do not want it. I even asked you a favor to keep the ring until things is clear. I made a chain for it so that I could wear it on my neck but it would be better if you keep it. I'll take it back when I feel like it. Anyway, just want you to know that I'm not sure how many things that you are hiding from me...whether the words that you told me were lies or the truth, I cant think straight now. I cant reason with myself now. Whatever it is, that is the past...I gotta learn to stand up again...You'll always be a good fren to me...

Serious Talk...

2010-01-14T20:01:00.002+08:00

I heard a quite disturbing news today but at the same time, I heard a quite happy news as well. Those news are from my MD anyway. The disturbing one, since it is disturbing, I wouldn't want to share it. Well, even if it is true, it would be none of my business, at least not now anymore. Leaving that aside, I actually had a serious talk with my MD. I'd been wanting to talk to him ever since beginning of the year but never had a chance. He called me and my supervisor into his room and talked to us. After that, I actually requested to talk to him. My supervisor left us. I actually asked for my raise *giggles* Well...it doesnt turn out good as expected due to my work. Ups and downs. I knew it perfectly well. He wanted me to show him better performance then he'll discuss with Singapore side, not sure for what though. Anyway, I also shared with him certain things. Ups and downs due to my family problems. Part of it is about SC and the other part is about my grandfather in Penang. He wanted me to take some time off to visit him in Penang but I didnt want that. Not that I didnt want to visit him...even my mom is not back. He's saying that she's not back so? I cant visit him...Yeah..I wish I could...He dont recognise me. What is the use of seeing him? *shrugs* He may not recognise me but I still care for him. I shed my tears for him last year on his birthday celebration. Well, I dont need to go to Penang... Next is about SC. It is not about third party or whatsoever, I juz told him that I'm seriously very tired mentally. Work, family, daughter, responsibility...doing all those on my own. It is not easy at all. Besides, my work is really pilling up. All my work got dateline but it seems that I always go out of the dateline. Lots of things coming in between, interrupting my work. He told me to make a proper planning...that is what a scorecard is for. I have been trying to plan properly but never manage to do it. *shrugs* Anyway, he said he'll give me 1 week off next month...to make things up with SC, to rest a bit. Too stressed out. Thanks to him in advance. Really appreciate it. He told me another thing that finally make things clear to me. Why is that all this while I was the only one that he never scolded. I am like a sister to him. Will be there for me if I ever needed someone to talk. I'm really glad that he is my MD, and my fren at the same time. One of my councellor as well *giggles*

Songs...

2010-01-12T20:27:00.004+08:00

Oh my God...I almost got chocked by a fishball. *shrugs* Luckly I'm still alive...Anyway juz wanted to share this song that I had been hearing alot lately...I luv the song.. Anyway, tomorrow is Wednesday. Finally, the day of the week that I'm looking forward to. A night out with Terence for dinner and drinking. Cheers...he'll be picking me up after work tomorrow. Nothing much happened today. Danny and Preston weren't around so didn't manage to see them today. Well, I guess I was referring to one person only *winks* Anyway, I was actually asked on a favor and I myself is kinda interested in it. I already made my decision though but before that I would want to know a person's answer to my question. That would determine my plan on that day *giggles* Juz hope that I'm still being missed. Let's see how it goes... Actually, it was my plan today to actually blog bout 'Truth Revealed...", but I decided to skip that. It may not be a good thing to express it here anyway. Will write about that when I'm really ready for it. Anyway, I'm feeling much better. I guess time will heal me. I know I am wrong..I know I am the one that start all this, I know I hurt you alot, I'm truly sorry for it...I am really happy for you, happy for listening to my advise although I hate it so much, happy that you are walking on the right path, happy that you are happy so keep it up. No biggie...I will still be around if you need me, juz like how Terence is around when I need him. Cheers... Oh well...enjoy this favourite song of mine...

Happy day...

2010-01-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

Overall, I had a wonderful day today. Not on everything that happened today though but more happy than not happy and that counts. Many thanks to people that cheers me up. I'll go through one by one though... My mood was swinging yesterday so I was hoping that today will be a brand new day for me. When I was on my way to work, Terence messaged me early in the morning. It was way too early for him to be awake. When I asked him that, he told me that he'll shoot himself if he were to wake up this early for no reason *giggles* Apparently he has to fetch his girlfren to work. Aww..that's so sweet. Anyway, dinner and drinking session will be on. Wednesday he'll pick me up after work at my work place. Then he'll drive to wherever he decides. Surprise though..on where to eat. Let him decide since I'm not good at it. Cheers to Terence. That itself brighten my day today. Next will be Adrian, my younger petbro from online game, apparently is Terence's drinking kaki. *grins* He knows that I'm having a bad mood cuz I was throwing tantrum at him and he let himself be my punching bag. *shrugs* I was using my iPhone to get online to talk to him thru IM in the morning before going out for his brunch. Being my punching bag is good enough..Thanks lil bro.. SC is next. He finally got a dozen of ciggy for me...Well, not really for me. I used Preston's name to get it. I told Preston that and he laughed at me. I gave him some packs though. Danny took one also although he dun like menthol..*shrugs* I'm left with 5 packs...I was thinking of giving some to Terence though...will see how it goes. Anyway...I was making fun with Preston about this and we ended up smoking together after work, faraway from office, juz around the corner *giggles* Thanks Preston for accompanying me to sneak one ciggy. Then, I have my dearest elder petbro to talk to me online now. I'm still talking to him online. I am catching up with him. We spoke of lots of things. Apparently he knew Danny, they were on the same bus together last time. Small world...Well, talking to him make me feel really comfy. He used to be really close to my me and my family last time. We used to hang around together alot last time. We used to share things together. I juz realized that up to now, he knows exactly where I stay from 10 years ago till now. That was surprising. He is a chef in a Chinese restaurant. I wonder why all my close frenz are chef or good at cooking? Fate? Neh...Anyway, we'll meet up soon, either I go to his place at Puchong to try out his food, or he'll give me a surprise visit one day as he said. One thing sweet that he told me...He told me not to visit him during the weekends cuz he wun be free to talk to his sis, me. Am I still his sis, I asked him that. He answered...unless if I'm not born in July then I'm not his sis. What does born in July have to do with being his sis? Everyone who born in July is his sis? No...only this special girl that is born in 1 July is his sis. Aww...so sweet ya? That's my lovely bro...He also said that he did a right choice to know me. Well, he is the first one who told me that. I'm strong with myself...*grins* I hope I'm strong at times too...Probably it is juz for showing. I tend to hide things to myself. As long as others is happy, I'm ok with it. That is me...At least he really cheers me up. Thanks to everyone that did their part today. I'm happy with it. Even SC for having lunch with me. Love them all dearly...

New week...

2010-01-10T22:23:00.002+08:00

Another week juz went past, a new week is coming. This new week will be a new week for me. A new week for me to start again, a new week for me to let go certain things. I may not be strong, I may not like it, but I want to do it. Not for myself, but for others. Sounds weird eh? I'm not even sure what am I babbling about. *shrugs* Juz hope that this week will be a better week for me since this weekend was one of the worse weekend that I ever had in my life. I practically have to force myself to find some work to do else I'll be spending my time thinking too much. I was trying to finish up SC's catalogue, trying to fix my house stupid connection, trying to finish up my story book, trying to think of what to wear for Preston's wedding dinner. Lots of things that I did. I even tried to go for a jog but it rained so too bad... Anyway, I am actually looking forward to this coming week. Terence promised me to bring me for drinking and SC got me ciggy, although I used Preston's name to get it. Sorry Preston..I'll give you some? *winks* Terence said he'll plan and let me know tomorrow. Cheers to him. I finally get to drink, finally get to let go of my mind...I am someone that like drinking but since I am commited, I cant drink much. *shrugs* I used to be a drinker, used to be a clubber, but I wun drink to the extend that I'm knock out...to the very least I still know what I am doing. Of course, I always drink with SC but somehow I didnt like to drink with him. He always get drunks and do lame and stupid things that get me irritated. All the time !!! *shrugs* For now, I can drink with Terence, I can throw my tantrum at him, I can smoke in front of him, at least I know that he'll be there for me. He'll care for me when I'm down, he'll knock my head when I'm wrong, he'll scold me when I'm very wrong. Well, that is my good boyfren. Never get bored of him...I hold on to his promise dearly so please dont let me down...I'm not as strong as I used to be anymore...Even Adrian, my lame lil petbro, saying that although I look tough outside but deep inside, I am very fragile. I'm sure Terence knew that as well that is why he made that promise to me and I deeply appreciate it. Cheers to him and will be looking forward to the drinking session... For some reason I am actually thinking of my birthday...Thanks to Danny for reminding me that. He actually asked on the celebration...I guess nothing much. Every year SC will celebrate with me together with his family. Birthday pressie was never on time because I always use the excuse to skip it when SC bought things for me before my birthday, although it is juz shopping out of the blue. I didnt want him to waste money on buying pressies for me. Red packets from family members, sometimes pressie from my sister. Birthday dinner usually will be Japanese buffet since they knew that I love it. I'm not choosy anyway as long as I get to celebrate with everyone. I wonder will it be any difference this year? Even my collegues didnt do anything last year for me. Expected though... Well, since I got into contact back with Terence, will I be able to have drinking session with him? Will I be able to celebrate with my close collegues? Will I be able to celebrate with Danny? Who knows...In fact, maybe when the time comes, Terence graduated and go overseas, close collegues left the company, Danny forget about me? *shrugs* Noone knows what will happen in the future. I juz want a birthday wish...not really one though...But still can lump it up into one *winks* I juz want everyone close to me, my family members, Terence, Danny, my close frenz to be happy, to live a happy life. Not too much to ask for right? As for me, I juz want to remain a somebody within each of them. *grins* My birthday is 6 months ahead and I'm thinking of all these. Wake up dum dum !! *shrugs* At least it keeps me entertained for a moment there juz to visualize my special day. Oh ya...now that it's January, I get to go back to my saloon. Thanks to my stylist, Alex, after the treatment that he did for me few months back, he dun let me do anything to my hair until January. Finally, I'll be going back there and do a rebonding. My hair is too messy and I'm lazy to blow it every morning especially when BB is still sleeping. 2 more weeks will be SC's full day work on Saturday. I was actually thinking of going shopping but beats me, I think it will not work out. So I probably will look for Alex to do rebonding on my hair, juz in time for Preston's wedding dinner. Pamper myself in the saloon...Great way to spend my lonely day *winks* I'll be looking forward to that day as well... Too long entry for today...I'll leave the others for tomorrow. *shrugs* I'm back to my blogging every night habit already. Guess I'm back for good. I'm even learning to do the layout on my own. Juz need to get some images done first. Still looking for the right image to fit in my blog. Cross my fingers and adios*

Bored...

2010-01-10T00:21:00.002+08:00

Here am I on a Saturday night, not knowing what to do. Do all my weekends always like that? *shrugs* Well, Saturday supposed to be my outing day and I did went out today, even if it is on my own. SC came home after work and spent the whole afternoon taking a nap. We didnt even go out for lunch as he was supposed to meet up with his brother when I wasn't even prepared to go out yet. So I had him to have his lunch with his brother then pack some food for me. I didnt even finish the food that he packed. Guess I have not much appetite today. In the afternoon, when he was taking a nap, and BB was taking her nap as well, I actually wanted to take a walk in 1 Utama, juz to clear up my mind. I was actually taking my own sweet time and when I finally decided to make my move, SC woke up. He didnt want to accompany me out at first so I decided not to go out. I was about to take my nap when he came downstairs dressed. We went to 1 Utama together. I was happy...at least I get to go out with him. Still...my mood still swings..and I really hate that. *shrugs* We went back home in the evening and went back out again for our dinner together with his brother and CK (Kit). After dinner, I went home and put BB to sleep while the others went to CK's house for some game of poker. I remembered CK bought a set of poker game some time ago. Anyway, hope they enjoy their game. Cheers to the winners... Something that I wanted to share, I felt myself quite lonely at times. Lonely of companion. I actually realised it yesterday night when I was awake till 3 am. I used to have Terence talking to me online, Danny the same thing, on and off some other frenz as well but yesterday was unexpectedly quiet. I suppose Terence is still at Malacca, or he should be out with his frenz. Danny...not sure where he went, I never asked him. So my whole night yesterday was on my own. I was watching movies, playing some random games, trying to finish up the catalogue that SC assigned me to do, somehow my mind got distracted. As I said, I'm tired but not physically..mentally tired... I really need this drinking session with Terence. He promised me that he'll arrange one day next week for it. I am looking forward to it and even told SC about it. That will be our so-called last drinking session before he goes back to studying. That would be for another 6 months. Juz hope that he wun forget it. He will be the one to decide when and where so I juz follow him. Drinking is one thing, smoking is another thing. Apparently when I'm feeling down, I tend to smoke? I hope that's true. SC accidentally left an imported ciggy box with me. It is a slim one so I actually kept it for myself. I wasn't the only who finished it anyway. Terence, Danny and even Preston took part it in. Well, I had SC to buy more juz in case. Told him that Preston wanted it *winks* At least that ciggy is menthol and I like it *winks* I guess tonight will be another lonely night...*grins* Better get something to do before I lose my mind... *chioz..

Tired...

2010-01-08T14:32:00.002+08:00

I'm mentally tired...very tired in fact. Worrying about things that I am not supposed to...worrying about my own life style. It's time to let things go. It's time to move on. I have to learn to let it go. I hate that very much but it will be better. I'll lose something precious but as I believe, God will never take away something from you without giving you something better. Juz need to bear with it while going through the process...

Lost...

2010-01-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

Not sure what am I feeling right now? Lost? Confused? Happy? I guess I could say that I'm feeling bit of each. Lost probably becuz I'm not sure of where I stand right now. Confused cuz I'm not sure whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Happy becuz I have people who cares for me in every way. I consider myself a happy go lucky girl so I always go around with a smile on my face. Deep within me, I hide alot of unhappy feelings, worry that it would do harm to me or people around me. Although the unhappy feelings are not so overwhelming, I can still bear with it. Happy memories are still more enough to cover up the unhappy memories. I am still happy with who I am and what I am but deep within me, I sometimes wish there's a change in my life. SC is nice to me but not all the time. He may scream at me at times, scolding me for nuts, screaming like a crazy maniac with all the cursing and all, but then things will work out after that. Of course I would ignore all those but it is still hard to forget about it. But at times, he could be such a sweetheart, pampering me in his own way, caring for me in his own way. Not all the time but at least I'm not so bad after all. He always spend his days outside at night for a drink with his brother and his friends. Probably 3 times in a week. I dont get to follow him becuz of BB so I stayed at home most of the time when he is out. Even that, I didnt bother much, as long as he comes back in one piece, I will be fine with it. That is what I think. At least I felt happier to think this way then to struggle with him nagging him all the time and getting annoyed with it all the time. It may even make things worse...Well, there is also some time when I requested to go out on my own with my frenz even juz for a drink would be nice. As for Terence, although we lost contact from time to time, he is still my best boyfren. Whenever I'm down, he will definitely have his way to bright things up and cheer me up. He made a promise to me last time that he would always be there for me...and till now he still keep up with the promise. In fact, I dont even remember when he made the promise *shrugs* But then, that is nice of him to remember. He told me he would be there for me, lending me an ear and even his shoulders if I need. He would hug me everytime when I see him off, he would peck me on the cheek as well. That is how he pampers me with his own ways...He would listen to me scream about my unhappy things, laugh about my happy things, even gossips about life. He is my counsellor, my best boyfren, my brother, whatever I could think of. He is the only one that SC knows about and let me go out with him alone. He is the only one that I could hug and peck openly... Danny came into my life not long ago. He is my collegue, my good fren, and even my second boyfren *winks* Probably a little too many boyfren but I'm happy with it. When he first joined my company, I didnt talk much with him until the day when I had lunch with him along with other collegues...I find him different from others...it felt as if he was having a lot of life problems. I tried to talk things out with him becuz for some reason, I want him to be open to me. I guess I juz wanna cheer him up that time. That was why when the first time I talked to him, I asked him did he has any sensitive topic that cannot be made as conversation. As soon as he told me his answer, I knew that I had to make him open up to me. Juz my intuition that I would make things better. As time goes by, I got closer to him and he also open up bit by bit to me. I am happy for that but there's still certain things that he would want to keep it to himself. I perfectly understand that and I didnt force him. It would be inconsiderate to do that anyway. I myself have my own problem and I wouldnt want anyone to dig through it. Anyway, that was old story. Although I'm close to him in a way, I still need to keep my distance. He did pampered me alot in his own way as well but he is still someone who is lost, someone who needs to be lighten, someone who needs support. Unfortunately, I cant be the one to provide him the support that he needs, cant be the one who cheer him up. Yet, whenever I think of all this I tend to have swings. I guess that's why I became pretty swingy nowadays. Well, he is starting to get to know other people...in fact he is hanging around with this gal so I suppose everything would be ok. Juz want him to know that no matter what I feel, I will always support him in whatever decisions that he make. I juz want him to be happy so no need to bother bout me. It is his life anyway... Bleh...swingy and confused...SC, Terence and Danny somehow are my precious one and I really dont want to lose any of them in any way...Guess this is juz life. As how I remember a quote...it goes like this...God dont take away something without give you something else better. I always believe in that but those people are my precious one and noone can replace them... Anyway, main reason that I felt lost is becuz of my grandpa. My mom actually talked to me in MSN, telling me about her dad, who is my grandpa. He is admitted to the hospital and is seriously ill. He is having difficulties in breathing. He is in Penang anyway. I actually asked her why didnt she comes back to see him? She told me that she cant get any leave now due to work. Well, I understand that well enough but I still feel lost somehow. He might leave us anytime and he is crying everytime he sees anyone. According to my mom anyway. He is also my family and I will be sad without him around although I'm not any close to him. Last year I was back to Penang to celebrate his birthday together with all the relatives. He dont really remember us but he actually cried with joy that time. I was really not happy, I actually felt my tears were about to roll down but I held it up. I was really scared that time...now, things got worse. He is in the hospital and here we are, doing our own things not worrying bout him. Is that what we should do? Shouldnt we be visiting him and hope that he gets better? Seriously lost...Please God...bless him with all your might. If his time has comes, let him go peacefully, else juz let him be healthy once more....I really miss him...I miss everyone...I miss my mom...I miss my dad...Why does my life have to be this way...Why does my family have to be this way? I'm not that strong...I'm really not that strong...I may not look like I care but I do care...and I cant hate them for that. I love them too much to hate them... Hate myself...

Tiring day...

2010-01-06T00:47:00.002+08:00

It has been a tiring day for me today...Somehow I felt really tired. I guess this is what I get when I have lack of sleep for the past 1 week. Last week I had been sleeping every night at about 3-4 am and wake up at about 9-10 am. Sums up about 6 hours of sleep everyday. Finally I got really exhausted and that results in today's tiredness. *shrugs* A lil lack of sleep wouldnt die right? Oh well... Anyway, nothing interesting happened at work today...juz some random things that my boss asked me. He was in a bad mood today and actually asked for a discussion on my department's task on hands but ended up, he had discussion with only my supervisor, leaving me out. He was quite angry though and I never asked why. I continued to do my work since I was busy and my task on hands got more and more. Need to do the refund module for Singapore which the dateline is by end of this month and it actually requires alot of changes in our existing system. Another task will be 2 clinic migrations, one from Preston and one from Danny. Preston's one is urgent though so I need to work on that. Danny's one not really urgent but I still need to work on that. Although migration is not a hard thing to do but then I still need to allocate my time so that I could finish the refund module before the dateline. *shrugs* Well..I finished Preston's migration anyway so thumbs up to me *winks* My boss actually came up to me and told me his so-called charity plan and wanted me to handle it. Will I be able to handle it? I still havent give him an answer yet but I guess I should try it out. Besides I want to ask for an increment *winks* Probably this is a good chance. It's juz weird how he would scream and yell at everyone except for me. He never scolded me before, the most he did was to raise his voice but to a certain extend. Is there any particular reason? I guess this is my advantage though. This is something that I'm proud of. Well, he gave me quite alot of happy memories while working with him. Thank to him, I suppose? Well, tiring is one thing...another thing is mood swing. Seriously I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Been getting that alot lately and I am actually getting irritated with myself, being swingy easily. That is not supposed to happen anyway. I myself know clearly what triggered it but nothing seems to be able to suppress it. Will it be bad for my brain? *shrugs* I need to get it off my head before it leaves me drop dead. Juz hope that happy memories will cover up my swings. Really need to get rid of it...*grins* Falling asleep... *shrugs* Better get some sleep before I fall asleep on my lappy. *Peace out..

Birthday Wish...

2010-01-05T01:05:00.002+08:00

Damn..missed one day of blogging. Oh well...I was busy helping SC with his catalogue. Seems that I am the one for the job since I know how to make one and it is pricey to get someone to do it for him. *shrugs* It wasn't very hard though. Juz need some cropping, some color changing, some arrangement, something that me, who has the intermediate knowledge of Photoshop can do. At least I get to help him with his work and I'm proud of it. Yesterday I was editing his catalogue till quite late and after that he got me to sleep without further actions. I was actually talking to Danny online and ended up I have to go to bed with my iPhone, logging in from there and talked to him till I fell asleep with my iPhone in my hands *winks* There goes the silent treatment...He used to do that me a lot last time when I talked to him online at night so now it is my turn. That time was 3 am...what else can I expect? Oh ya...Happy birthday Danny!!! Erm..a little late for a birthday wish though cuz his birthday juz passed about an hour ago. It wasn't late anyway...I did wish him yesterday...although it wasn't at the strike of midnight. He actually asked me what time was it and I, being dumb, actually tell him the time. I still remember it clearly...12.20 am *shrugs* I was concentrating on my work that it juz went past my mind. Sorry *winks* Again, better late than never. Although I'm not the first one who wishes him, but at least I did it. Does first one to wish him make things different? I wonder...Well, I wish him all the best in everything that he do, hope he recover from his headache, hope he can have fun all the time, spending time doing the things that he likes...There's nothing much I could do for him other than to give him moral support and cheer him up whenever he's down..Apparently I'm not good at cheering other people so I might make things worst *winks* Anyway, hope he enjoys his birthday night as well as the cake *giggles* Seriously I'm starting to get annoyed with my childish mood swings nowadays...I considered myself as a happy go lucky person as what my collegues always said that to me. Whatever the situation is, I always puts a smile on my face...being strong outside. I guess I got pampered to much that I started to show my weakness which was buried deep within me. Whatever it is, being swingy is definitely not a good thing to show. I would of course hide it and keep it buried within me but somehow, there's always someone who will dig it out for some reasons. Trust me...Terence, Danny and even Preston are good at it *grins* Well...I still try my best to hide it as much as I can...I rather keep it to myself than to make other people worry and being unhappy about it. Cheers to myself? *shrugs* Damn...my stomach is aching for no reasons now. Body is malfunction *shrugs* Anyway, today is the first day of work...Great day I suppose. Time passed real fast. I was so busy today with my work after having one week of leave. I have lots of things to catch up on my work especially when my dateline is coming up close. Cross my fingers and pray that I will be fine. I got some mochi from my brother from Hong Kong. Supposed to be marshmallow anyway but somehow he bought mochi for me. *grins* Anyway, after the meeting in the morning, I offered them to all my collegues even to the Malays. Not even sure whether it's Halal or not. Beats me...At least they like it. I still got some left so I brought it back home. That big pack of mochi cost about 50 bucks our currency. It is sure expensive...I would never buy it if I were to pay it. Not worth my money to buy snacks. I would rather take that money to have a good meal. Getting pretty tired now..better get some sleep before I turn into a panda with the eye bag and all. Good nitez.. *Adios*

Shopping...

2010-01-03T00:08:00.002+08:00

Finally, after a week of boredom at home, I get to go shopping with SC with BB sleeping. Great eh? *winks* After having lunch with some friends, we went off to 1 Utama. It was really crowded there. We even have a hard time to find a parking space in the preferred area. Got an illegal parking anyway. Bleh...I wasn't the one who is driving so who cares. We were supposed to be there juz to buy some paint brush and some shaving cream for SC but when BB finally went to sleep in her stroller, that's the time when we decided to walk around somore. I finally decided to check on some heels that I wanted so badly. Went to the first shop and voila..found it. Pretty nice and classy and not so expensive. SC decided on that heels anyway so he bought it for me. Thanks a bunch *winks* Then off we walked around again. BB woke up few hours after that so we decided to head back home. While we were on the way back to the parking lot, we went past Promod, one of the shop that were never on sale during last year end sales and it was having sales to my surprise. I was happy so went in and have a look. Bought a skirt there *winks* Although with the 50% discount, it still cost me 100 bucks. *shrugs* That was my last piece anyway. Then we went back home. It was getting late anyway. Went home and feed BB as well as bathe her. We left BB at home for our dinner with some friends. I kinda haf fun during the dinner anyway. We had conversation...were talking, I was involved in the conversation. Laughing and joking around. I miss this feeling...Anyway, after dinner, we dropped by my sister place to get some clothes that my Mom got for me. That was few months back but only now I decided to get it from her. Bout 4-5 pieces. Only 1 piece I cannot wear. Getting fatter.. *shrugs* Well, I called my brother today. He was driving *grins* without license. He is not even 17 yet. Dangerous fella. Since he wouldnt listen much to me about the driving thingy, juz pray for him so that he'll be safe. Anyway, he was on the way back home. Since he was driving, I told him to call me back when he's back at home. He asked me why want to call me. Jokingly, I told him cannot call me izit now? Bleh..seriously...He did called me when he was back home. I asked him where he went and he answered me sarcastically, cannot go out izit now? *shrugs* That fella really get on my nerves. I guess it is good for us anyway. I like how we are now. Close enough to joke with each other... Among all my family members, he is the closest to me. Or rather, I look after him more than anyone else. He is 9 years younger than me and of course I want him to grow up to be a good person and that is one thing that I was afraid when I see him grows. He is 16 years old now and sometimes I know that I still treat him like a small kiddo but to me, he is always my small lil kiddo. We still peck each other on the cheeks and hug each other juz like how we used to be previously. I'm blessed with this lil brother of mine. I will be looking forward to meet his girlfren is he has one, looking forward to his path of life...Among my family members, he is my everything.. My family members had never been close to me. In fact, my family relationship had never been better. Parents divorced when I was 13, the fact that I found out about that through my petbrother that time. When both my parent remarry, I accidentally found out their wedding pictures without them telling me. I was like a stranger to them...I learn to be independant, not to rely on them. Even my university fee, in the beginning was paid by my dad's EPF but later on, I decided to apply for study loan and get over with it once and for all...The loan was approved and even exempted from paying back due to my results. Allowance had never been on time to the extend that I got bored of asking from my dad. My mom wasn't around. She migrated to Hong Kong leaving all of us here and only called maybe 3-4 times a year. Felt really left out from my family members but whatever it is...they are still my family members. SC never like me to stick with them due to how they have treated me. I told him millions of time...however they treat me, they are still my family members. I will not exist if it werent for my parents. They are both still around so I should be blessed by it. I wouldnt wan to know how it would feel if one of them decided to take a journey to Heaven. I told this to most of my frenz who is having family problem. I guess different people different thinking. Anyway...I'm going way off topic. *grins* Well, its getting late now so I better stop here...*Chioz..

Celebration...

2010-01-02T10:29:00.002+08:00

Christmas eve and New Year eve...this 2 special occasion are the time when people hang out together for super expensive dinner, drinking session and even countdown for it. I used to spend those 2 days out with SC and his friends, going for dinner just the two of us, sometimes even in pairs, then drinking session in clubs or even at somebody's house and wont be back home till really late at night. This year, I had the worst celebration. I spent my Christmas at home, not even dinner with SC. We had dinner at home juz like other normal days. After dinner, he juz went out with his friends over to one of his friends' house. I was at home, surfing and watching movies. While everyone was out, I juz spend my time at home, having mood swings and such *shrug* New Year eve was better I suppose. At least I get to spend my day time with both my close frens both at different timing. In the morning till late afternoon was with Danny and after that was with Terence. Dinner was with SC but it wasnt a so-called family dinner. In fact, there were 9 of us excluding BB. We went to have Thai food. The food there was not bad. There were BBQ stuffs also. As expected, I didnt have much appetite yet so I had only juz enough for myself, not as much as before. I can be a heavy eater at times *winks* Anyway, after dinner, we juz headed home. That's it. He went out on his own, the house was empty, everyone was out. How I really wish I could join Terence. When the clock strikes midnight, all I could hear was fireworks, all I could see was flashes of fireworks. How miserable was that. I spent my time on my own, watching movie and playing some games. Speaking of a bad eve celebration. Juz my luck I suppose. Hope that year of 2010 would be a good year for me. I'm bearing all this commitment on my own and I am really tired..mentally *grins* On the other hand, I am blessed with 2 frenz that would lend me their ears and shoulders, someone for me to throw tantrum at and cheer me up after that. Felt bad though but that is what good friends are for right? *winks* Cheers to both of them...

First Day of 2010...

2010-01-02T00:37:00.002+08:00

Once again, happy new year to everyone. Let's welcome 2010 with an open arm. Well, even if 2010 is not welcomed, noone could do anything about it. It will still come and go *shrug* Look on the bright side, new year, new life, new resolution, and everyone is one year older including myself. A question struck me on my head...apparently Terence was the one who asked me. In fact, I was actually talking to him about that when I met him for a drink yesterday. What is my 2010 resolution? I have no idea at all. He told me that it is not good not to have any resolution and I juz cant help myself from digging one out from my rusted brain. Not sure whether what I had in mind is considered a resolution onot though. Here goes...Oh ya..it includes my wishes for everyone that is close to me. Wish to have a better life with a better family relationship, spending my precious time happily with all my loved one... Wishes SC to have a better and healthy lifestyle... Wishes BB to grow up healthy and be a good girl... Wishes my family members to be healthy and leads a happy life... Wishes my beloved lil brother to score his SPM this year and of cuz be healthy and leads a happy life too... Wishes SC's family members to be healthy as well and dun nag me so much... Wishes Terence to grad gracefully and get a good job... Wishes Danny to succeed in his career as well as love life... Finally..wishes all my friends all their best in everything that they do... May God bless all of them... Not really a resolution anyway but oh well..at least some things came up *winks* Everyone that I listed in the list are the one that I loved and plays really important role in my life. Thank you for being there for me all the time...I am blessed to have them in my life... Brain freeze...*Chioz

Lonely New Year...

2009-12-31T22:46:00.002+08:00

Let me start by wishing everyone a very happy new year...In a few more hours, it will be year 2010. Time flies really fast. There goes the year of 2009. Without realizing it, I had been working for more than a year already and it felt as if it was just few months back. Working life was ok I suppose. I can still bear it to some certain extend. At least at times I do enjoy my work as a programmer. Skip the work part, after all, I am on leave this week, so no work story for me. Speaking of today, it is new year eve and I'm spending my time at home while everyone is out. Great eh? Bleh...But I was out in the afternoon. This whole week, during my leave, I had been going out every afternoon. Make good use of my leave. Monday was with BB to Kid's Gym...Tuesday was to watch 2 movies...Wednesday was to go SC's office to help him with his catalogue...and finally today, Thursday was to have lunch with my colleagues and to have a drink with my best boyfriend, Terence. I juz luv spending time with him. He is the only one that really understand me well enough that I could share almost everything with him. So many months of missing in action, I guess I juz miss him caring for me as how he always did. We talked about old times and I juz realized he had a tattoo on his back of his neck. A cross. He knew bout mine and he told me that I used to tell him that my tattoo was his name. I dont remember telling him that but that was what he told me. Apparently, he remembers alot of things from last time. Time that we spent together, even whatever that I told him. He kept it with him and remembered it. I dont remember things well so most of it juz kinda flew by? Anyway, this morning I went down to Subang to fetch Danny since he still couldn't drive yet. At least I didnt want him to take the risk. Had lunch at 1 Utama with my going to be ex-COO, my accountant, and one ex-collegue. We had Nandos for lunch. I wasn't hungry that time. In fact, I had been having some appetite problem this few days so food intake kinda decrease alot. Do I get lighter that way? Bleh...not because I'm on diet or whatsoever, I juz dont have appetite to eat alot. So I shared my lunch with Danny. He eats more that I do anyway. After lunch, I fetched him back and went to look for Terence. He stayed nearby anyway. Went to his house to look for him. The last time I went there was, I dunno...4 years back? That time I was in Form 6. Anyway, I have a vague memory of the location of his house as long as I found his secondary school. I was on the right track but I got lost in the end. *shrugs* I had to call him and get him to direct me. It was funny how I actually complained to him that the school shifted. We laughed over it. I thought I had good sense of direction but I guess I was wrong and he is not the only who told me that. Danny said that to me as well. *shrugs* When I reached him place, he took the wheels and drove to Subang Parade for a drink. I had such a great time. In fact, he actually invited me to join him tonight at the Curve for dinner and even drinking. I was really interested but when I called back home, SC had his own plan for dinner. So I headed back for dinner with him and that was it. Only dinner. I actually requested to go out and join Terence after dinner but I had no choice but to stay at home. Everyone will be out including my in-laws and the grandma. Noone will be taking care of BB. Can't escape from it. Damn...I really want to join him. Oh well...there is always chance to do so. I'm actually blessed to have him as my best boyfriend, someone who understand me very well, someone who are there for me and cheer me up when I am feeling down, someone who will never hurt me, someone who care for me so much and the fact is that he is just my friend. I guess I could say that I love him as a close fren *winks* Tonight will be pretty bored for me so I'll be off watching some movies and slack around. Probably even get some early rest. *Chioz..

Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Year...

2009-12-31T02:25:00.002+08:00

Christmas passed and New Year is coming. Year 2009 juz went by in a blink of an eye. 2010...a brand new year for everyone including myself. I wonder what will be my 2010 resolution? Hmm...better income? better career? No idea at all...juz hope that it is a good year for me. Christmas Eve...I was all alone at home while SC was out with his frens drinking. Can't really remember where he went though. One thing for sure, I wasnt with him. That was my worst Christmas Eve. Mood was swinging, even my phone was dead quiet. I actually sent some christmas wishes to my close frenz. I guess it counts up to 5 of them? Only a few replied me though. Make things worse... I wonder whats with my sudden urge to drop an entry? Backside itchy I suppose. I actually left this blog out for quite some time. Well, I didnt close down this blog for certain reason. At least when I'm free or when I feel like it, I can still drop an entry or two. That would keep me entertained. I kinda like how I am now..although not all the time I'm happy but at least I have my friends to be with me. I got back in touch with Terence, my best boyfriend I even had. So called boyfriend *winks* He is my best fren that is really close to me, to the extend that SC let me to go out with him alone and we did. Terence knew almost everything about my life, even my downfall time. He is like an angel to me, pulling me up whenever I'm down, make me laugh whenever I am sad, lend me a shoulder whenever I needed one. Cheers to my best boyfriend. Hugs and peck on the cheeks were never wrong for us as that show how close we are to each other. I like that...In fact, I treasure this relationship so much... Next will be Danny. He's my collegue as mentioned and I am pretty close with him. Lunch together, sometimes even going out together for a drink or for shopping. I feel really comfy with him around and I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt it. Regardless of that, I like his presence. Terence is my first one and he is my second one. Should I say boyfriend too? *winks* Anyway, apparently my mood goes swingy easily ever since. Big influence to my mood somehow *grins*I just wish I'm not that moody cuz honestly, I do not like the idea of having mood swings at all...Getting tired of it too... Well...a big wish to both my boyfriendz...Hope 2010 will be a good year for both of them and may God bless them. Peace out..getting really tired. Will drop an entry when I feel like it again. Chioz*

Nightmare...

2009-10-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

I had a nightmare yesterday night. I can even clearly remember what was it. I woke up several times but the nightmare would even continue from where I left. It was as if I'm half awake but live in the nightmare. It wasn't like a horror kind of nightmare though. It was something like end of the world. I think this is my second time having such nightmare. Previous nightmare, it was more like Independence Day but this time, it was more like War of the Warlords. Well, something like that...Anyway, I didnt have enough sleep because of that nightmare and I was so tired during my working hours. Today was such a boring day for me at workplace. Preston and Danny were out and I had noone to have lunch with. The others just left without me. Bleh...I still prefer to hang around with those two, especially Danny for some reasons. Guess he resembles that certain someone alot. Anyway, he cooked spaghetti yesterday and we had it for breakfast. A healthy spaghetti though. But it was quite a big plate. He just called early in the morning and told me to go downstairs and fast. I thought he was having problem with his computer but no...he made a big container of spaghetti and asked me to try it. In fact, it was superb. Not much taste according to him but for me, it is just nice. Thumbs up for the spaghetti *winks* I wonder will he make more breakfast? *giggles* Mommy will be here tomorrow and we'll be having dinner together at her new place on Friday night. Saturday, we'll be heading off to Penang to celebrate grandpa's birthday at night. He never see BB before so I better show it to him before anything happens. Of course I hope that he is physically healthy and mentally healthy as well. May God bless him...

Bbq...

2009-10-10T22:37:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a great day. At least, I felt that way. Me and my collegues actually planned for a bbq over at my place. Only those that are close were invited. Obviously, dont expect me to invite my boss over right? So, we had 5 collegues and 2 ex-collegues over here yesterday. Mainly into eating session instead of drinking session. We had only 1 carton of beer and I had none. One thing that actually surprised me was that I actually stayed with them until 3 am. Only the girls though. The guys went home pretty early, that was excluding Danny. I had a conversation with SC yesterday since he went out with his brother and Danny tagged along. Well, just say that Danny resembles someone that we knew and was pretty close with until we decided to ban him *winks* Erm...let's keep that person a secret. I knew this person also and I was pretty close with him too. In fact, I kinda like his presence because he seems to care and pamper me at the same time, in a way a friend does. I guess that is why I like Danny's presence also. Danny is exactly the same as him. This few days, I had been spending a lot of my lunch time with him along with some other collegues. Well, to tell the truth, he is one of the 2 that I am very comfortable with in the office. Probably I should hope that he dont leave the company, since my company staff turnover is pretty high. By the way, his birthday is coming...*giggle*

Ceremony..

2009-10-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

2 of my collegues are getting married in the coming year. In fact, they are already married, just lack of the ceremony. I am envy to be honest...I never had any ceremony of my own before so I'm not sure how it felt. SC didn't want it. His family also didnt want it..I know how tiring it will be and how exhausted we'll be but I just cant help to just think about it. Of course I do not regret it. I'm just happy with my life now even without the ceremony. The ceremony is just a show anyway. Not meant for yourself but meant for others to look at you, how elegant is your ceremony, how they will judge you just by the ceremony. I didn't like that at all... Anyway, congrats to both of them. One of them is my good friend in the office. Well, only lately we had been close to each other. Somehow, lately I have been going out for lunch with the Sales team. Only 2 person will ask me out for lunch. Others are just ignorant. Oh well...time for me to have some diet perhaps...Many things happened and I'm fully aware of it. I guess I just close one eye all the time and let it pass...I'm still happy with how things are right now. Thanks to Preston and Danny for brighten up my time in the office. Cheers to them...

Feelings...

2009-09-26T00:16:00.002+08:00

Lately I maybe acting weirdly but at least I am happy. Only during work time though. I feel comfortable hanging around them though. I was refering to two of my collegues actually. They are both guys and they are both from the sales team. Well, there might be words going around but I dont really mind. I want to spend my time, or at least my lunch time, comfortably and happy... Well, that was for my working life anyway. As for my personal life, I need to get some exercise *shrugs* There's a few piece of clothes that my mom got for me that I couldn't fit in it. Actually, I had already planned to go for my morning jog but it will only start this coming week. I'll be waking up half an hour earlier to jog around the house area and be back just in time for work. Apart from that, I'll have the UZap to help me trim up my tummy. No more I dont care anymore... Weekend is coming again. Time passes so quickly. During the past holiday, me and SC actually brought BB for swimming at Lake Club. She loves it there. She played with water, played on the slide, even the water got into her nose so many times but yet she still loves it. We had a hard time moving her out from the pool though, but she was way tired when we were all done. Well, we should be bringing her there again tomorrow. At least that is what SC promised her... I'm not an active blogger but from time to time I'll just drop an entry to boost myself up. My eyes are pretty itchy now for no reason so I better stop here...Peace out !

Brand new life...

2009-09-20T02:23:00.002+08:00

Lots of things happened for the past week. I'm not going into much details here since I dont know who will accidentally snuck their nose into this entry. Anyway, there were lots of ups and downs that happened, but one thing for sure, it all leads to a better life, encouraging me to start a brand new life... Well, all those that happened were in my workplace anyway. I was how I made up my mind to do something in my workplace and got rid of it. Because of this, I had a closer relationship with one of my collegue. We went out for drinking together, including SC, talked about our problems in workplace. It was nice to talk to him. At least we both were able to release some stress. We had been collegue for almost 2 years but we hardly know each other's background. Even Danny, another collegue who just joined last week was rather surprised. Anyway, just hope that this brand new start will lead to a better life for me... By the way, Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends who are celebrating. May God bless everyone in this festive season. 4 days of holiday. Finally, I get to have plenty of rest during this holiday. I get to spend more time with BB during this long holiday as well. I wanted to go swimming with her at Lake Club today but it was raining heavily. Tomorrow will be guest day so it will be packed as well so I guess I'll go there on Monday. Not sure tho because we'll need to clear up the old house. Bleh... Nothing much to share here...I'm tired now since it's very late now and besides, I still want to play some game before going to bed. Lately, I had spend alot of my time playing PSP, on a game recommended by my collegue. Cute game with cool gameplay. Never get bored of it. The game name is Patapon. Cute because the tribe looks like an eyeball, and cool gameplay because it goes by music, where we'll have to use different keys for attack, defense and move. So off I go...getting a lil bored with blog anyway...Chioz peeps..

Dream...

2009-09-07T02:07:00.002+08:00

I had a dream last night. It was something like the end of the world kind of dream. I had this dream once before, and I remembered that I had to force myself to wake up. As for this time, I didnt force myself to wake up. It just happened. I cant really remember who I was with or where I was in the dream but one thing for sure, I remembered that I was standing at a place high enough to see lights shining down from the sky, not one but seven spots of lights at the same time. Whenever the light shines down, something bad will happen. So I always keep myself focused on the sky. Whenever I see the light growing in the sky, before it shines down, I knew that something bad is about to happen so I had to protect myself from being washed away. Somehow, I always knew what to do to protect myself. It never ends. The lights keep shining down from time to time. I kept running and defense myself all the time. Various places, different time. Cant even remembered how many times had it happened. I can still remembered clearly how the lights look like, the view of the seven lights shining down from the sky. It still lingers in my head even now. Of course, it is just a dream but something about it bothers me for some reason. I dont know why am I bothered with it though. Either way, it is just a dream...Felt like I am in the movie of War of the Warlords..Cross my fingers...

Charity...

2009-08-20T22:14:00.002+08:00

My company had a quick trip to the orphanage home today. They actually bought quite a number of vitamins for them and we delivered it to the orphanage home. It was somewhere in State anyway. The place was quite worn down though. When we went there, there were only 4 children there. While the others were inside talking to the person in charge, I was outside talking with 2 of the kids there. They are Dinesh, 6 and another girl, also 6. Can't recall her name now. When I look at them, I was actually thinking of how lucky I am to be who I am now. I didnt want to think of why they are there. This is the truth about human nature. We tend to abuse our privilege. For those who are complete, they tend to whine about being annoyed while for those who are alone, dying for those feelings. One will never understand until they actually experienced it and learn from it. Of course, speaking of myself, I am neither complete nor broken. One thing for sure, I never whine, or at least not all the time. I knew where am I standing and I knew exactly what I have and what I lack. This is the truth and no point whining about it. I can be childish sometimes but I can also be matured at times. Either way, I am on my own and I am glad that I am who I am. Seeing those kids there, I wanted to help but there's nothing much I could do to help. All I could do that time was to talk to them and be friend with them. At least I am happy with it and hopefully they are happy with it too. Oh well... By the way, my MD actually borrowed me his Wiggy from P1. It is a portable broadband anyway. Actually he was supposed to get 2, one for him and one for me but since he got only one for now, he let me use it for one day *winks* I am actually testing on the speed. So far so good I suppose. The speed is reasonable for surfing though but either way, this is the portable one, not the desktop one. I need to wait for SC to be back to try this before concluding. Nothing much to report...HINI is getting worse here so better be careful. Cant go out much for now. Better be safe than sorry...May God bless us...

Loneliness...

2009-08-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

I had an argument with SC on Saturday that made me quite unhappy for the whole night. In fact, I didnt even go out for dinner with him. I just stayed at home on my own. Even BB went out with him for dinner. I gave him excuses by saying that I was tired but he knew that I was just showing face. But, he thought I was showing faces to his mom instead. I guess he didnt know what was wrong after all. SC actually said a few days back that we would be going out for shopping together with BB on Saturday. Both me and BB were actually looking forward to that day. When that day really came, instead of going to malls, we ended up at various workshops. BB cant even sleep comfortably that time. I was very disappointed in him. Although it is not a big deal but I actually made a promise with BB and I didnt want to break it at any cost. Just when we were looking forward to it, everything went haywire. BB was so tired that she took short nap all along the way. I wanted her to sleep comfortably but SC insisted of staying at the workshop instead of going back. I got even disappointed. I was speechless. I came home, moody. Not knowing how to handle, I decided to take some rest with BB. That night I was thinking. In fact, I realized quite a number of facts of myself. I actually felt like exploding that night and I wanted to talk it out but then only I realized, I had noone that I could talk to. I no longer keep in touch with my best friends. I guess I was left out in my old buddies group. I cant talk to my mom because she's now even near me. I was so pathetic that time. There is not a single person that would listen to my whining and console me when I'm down now. I am no longer who I was previously, I used to have my best friends to talk to, but not now. Everyone have their own life and I have mine too. Being in a family relationship is not easy at all. I can no longer think of breaking up if I'm not happy, or even breaking up when we are not meant for each other. No more considerations. Bond had been tied and it can no longer break. Breaking up is not an option anymore. Solutions must be made without breaking the family ties. It is not an easy task at all. Sometimes, I couldnt even handle it. How I wish I had someone to talk to...

Family...

2009-08-10T21:36:00.002+08:00

'You begin your life in a family, you end your life in a family. From the beginning to the end, it's family.' This is the quote from 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective Family'. I am listening to that audio book that I got from my MD. I love the meaning of that sentence and a few things that I heard from the audio book. Looking back at how I was brought up, I did miss my childhood with my family members. In fact, we werent anywhere near to close to each other at all. I cant even remember how it felt when my family members were close to each other. It wasnt like a family at all. But I must thank God for blessing me with a wonderful family from SC's side. Although I am not related to them through blood, but even before I'm bonded to their family ties, they all had been treating me just like their family members. Not only that, I had also been blessed with a wonderful and adorable daughter that I love the most. She may be naughty at some times but most of the time, she's cheeky enough to make me love him so much. A family is a great gift. It is amazing how the process grew from being a kid myself, to being a wife and finally to being a mother. Anyway, I am a happy person now, to be able to live my life with my beloved family members. By the way, Suen got himself a PS3 with some donation from several parties. He actually called me on my mobile and asked me. I am short of money though but SC did took part in it. He sponsored some for him to buy that PS3. I, on the other hand, never sponsor anything. I didnt have time to play and besides, I have my PSP which is my new toy. I still want to play with my PSP. Besides, I get to choose my own game. Oh well...but the thing is that he actually called me just to talk to me. At least I felt happy with that. We are all changing...No longer who we are last time. No longer being hated, no longer being ignored. That was one of my many wishes previously...Now my wish is for BB to grow up to become an obedient girl, just like me? *giggles*

New Toys!!!

2009-08-03T00:17:00.002+08:00

I've been pretty lazy dropping entries on this blog. I just want to spend my precious time with my little rascal. Well, I have a few new toys which I treasure quite a bit now. First of all, my brand new PSP *winks* Although PSP has been going on for very long but I only managed to get it now. Not that I couldn't afford it, I guess I just want to save up some money until SC actually decided to get one for me on our normal day outing. So, I would have toys to play when BB is sleeping at any time. I've even had some games in it which I'm dying to play. By the way, I just finished the whole game of Final Fantasy Crisis Core. Excellent gameplay. Secondly, well, good news though. The old house is sold. So me and SC actually went there to pack some stuffs. I dont have much stuffs there just a little bit here and there. I even still have an anime puzzle picture frame which I actually wanted to give it to a friend of mine but failed to do so. Can't remember the reason though. Oh well...either it will be in the rubbish dump or it will be elsewhere. Probably rubbish dump since I dont need it at all. It's just that the frame was made by SC. It will be quite a waste to just throw it away...Bleh... Anyway, while I was there, I actually searched around. One item caught my eye, lying down on the floor together with all the other junks. A UZap machine from OSIM. Brand new! Of course, I brought it back home and even told SC's mom about it. She said I can use it if I want and I had been using it for 2 days. First time I used it, that part of my body itched so badly that it turned red on the whole area. Today, it is much better. Just hope that I could lose some inches here and there. Well, that will be my second toy *winks* Hmm...I guess that's all for my new toy? *giggles* As for work, I'm being entrusted with more work loads from different areas, even up to management. Last week when Daisy wasn't around, I was even involved in LCD installations. I am now given the right to manage the support teams. They will all be under me *cheers* I will have more headache coming soon. Last week Friday, I was caught by my MD for lunch, without my handbag and my purse, only my handphones and my access card. He brought us to Centerpoint to have vegetarian dishes. It was quite nice though. I like their tea especially. Fruit tea...After lunch, he even buy us Baskin Robbin. I had my favourite Choco Mint. Yum yum...all of those for no cost at all. I didnt even bring my purse, so what of money. Cheers to my MD !! Well..going to sleep...feeling quite tired now...Nitezzz

Consideration...

2009-07-23T23:04:00.002+08:00

Sad to say...but I'm actually considering to resign from my company. Well...was considering. I actually talked to my MD on my consideration. He is being nice enough to listen to me and to consult me, giving me hope, giving me encouragement to continue working for him. He wants me to stay and will try to resolve some things. He told me to give him some time to make things right. I had a long talk with him today after work. I need him to direct me on my career path. I have no other experience and I know that he is a good leader. He may be bad tempered sometimes but he never scolded me. This is the fact that everyone knew and I really appreciate it... I actually enjoyed my time working at my current company but sometimes, unexpected things just happen out of the blue and the way my immediate manager handle things were childish. I may be wrong and I did apologize but my immediate manager wants more that apologies. He even comes to the point that he actually asked me whether he is qualified to be a manager or not. Of course I kept quiet. In fact, when he was lecturing me, I kept quiet the whole time. I wouldnt want to talk back to him because I am not like that. That made him even bad and he actually decided to resign. What kind of manager is this? I do not know...I lost my direction... I asked my MD, how far can I go at this company? He gave me a very confident answer. He will get me far in this company. He wants me to come out from programming and learn about management. He wants me to even further my studies in MBA. He said that I am capable of managing things in this company, and he wants someone like me to help him out. He wants me to help him... I felt very reassuring. I knew that I could trust my MD. I knew that he would bring me far. How far? I do not know...but I'm willing to put my trust in him. I finally make up my mind to stay in this company. He told me to give him some time so that he could sort things out and indirectly separate me and my immediate manager out. I will have my own task to manage without reporting to my immediate manager. I will be reporting to my MD indirectly. All this while...alot of people come and go. This company's staff turnover is pretty high. I do not understand why...Probably it was due to my MD. I guess not many people can stand him. But for me, I never had any problem with my MD. Although most of the time, he would be scolding other people, having mood swings...he never once scolded me and never had any problem with me at all. I do not know why but because of this, I actually enjoyed my time in this company. He always tell me that I am one of the key person in this company...but I'm just a junior programmer. Well...see how it goes. See how far can I fly...how far can he brings me...

Slimming treatment ?

2009-07-09T23:12:00.003+08:00

It's been a week since I last drop an entry here. Was keeping up with my japanese drama. I traded quite a number of series with another otaku not long ago. My collection of dramas and animes are pilling up. Can't think of a better place to store them. Oh well, DVD collection is good enough. I'll be having one drawer full of my DVDs in it *winks* Few dramas that I got from her. Koizora, a very touching 6 episodes story. Full of romance and tears. I think I cried almost every part *grin* Another one that I'm watching currently is Last Friends, story of 5 friends who stay at the same house, having a secret within each of them. So far so good. Storyline is good as far as I watched. I have a few more pending, Yukan Club and Nodame Cantabille (something like that). That was only for jdrama. Few series of animes also *giggle* Well, nothing interesting happened. SC's parents just came back from Philipines, from the church mission. They bought quite a lot of snacks back. I was told that the price there are pretty cheap. The things that they brought back were all food anyway. Apart from home stuffs, work...nothing much. I had been pretty busy with all my task on my hand now. Everything is pilling up and queueing but the queue never gets lesser, only more. *bleh* Why can't they get more programmers. I'm gonna be stressed up due to work and I dont like that at all. By the way, I had an appointment with Medishape today for a free Spa RF treatment. My MD let me try one treatment. I had it on my tummy. Well, RF stands for radio frequency. It is just a machine that will use heat to heat up the required part of the body until the temperature is at about 42 degrees. Our normal temperature is at 30 degrees. Imagine how my tummy got burned up and it actually became red. It was a nice experience though, but I dont find my tummy getting smaller *roll* They say not much results after 1 treatment, and Im only entitled to one free treatment. This 20 minutes treatment cost about 400 bucks each time. It's like cutting a big hole in my pocket. Free one will be more than enough. A little tummy wouldnt hurt *winks* Just wish I can do that for free until my tummy gets smaller *grin* Well, God gave us this body so we should treasure it as how it is. Speaking of that, it actually reminds me of a quote that I read back then. It goes like this... 'You are who you are and not what others want you to be.' I find it pretty true and I actually like that quote. Well...going to continue my movies so adios*

A day after my precious birthday...

2009-07-02T22:13:00.002+08:00

Many thanks to those that spare some time to sms me or even write on my Facebook wall to wish me on my precious birthday. I even got a wish from a stranger =) Well, I'm grateful to them that I exist in thier erm...mind? *lol* Second day of birthday, as if it is the usual day, as if nothing had happened. I'm one year older and I should be grateful that everyday I'm growing and hopefully to become a better person. There's still lots in me that I dont like, that I could improvise to be a better person but I only like certain people to advise me on that. One thing for sure, I do not like it when my immediate superior advise me on life. What does it got to do with him? Bleh...hate it so much but I just keep quiet. Well, working life never got better. On the development side it was ok but now that my big boss just told me to take over the support case, things got worse. I just have to handle it. Asking advise from my immediate superior doesnt help at all since he always say he dont know. Bleh...what a childish behaviour. Even my big boss told him to guide me properly. But still, I have to handle some cases on my own using my own way. Even spent some time to call the doctors after work explaining things to them. Enough of work, SC's parents left to the airport already. They will be leaving to Philipines tonight for a mission. May God bless them and hope they have a safe journey. Sorry that I didnt fetch them to the church just now since BB is still awake and in the process of going to bed. When I went downstairs, they left already. Oh well... Something actually kinda disturbing me. Once in a while I will think of unneccessary things like death. How would it be to die? What will happen to those that died? What happen when I die? Will I still be able to think like now? Will I still be able to have fun? Will I be able to do anything at all? Will I even remember who I am? Where will I go? Will I dissapear from this world? Lots of questions are flooding my head but I cant seem to get any answers. Only God will answer me when the time comes. Can I put my trust in it? Who knows... Life is so unpredictable...My dad just called me and told me that my cousin's husband passed away last week. Out of no reason, while sleeping in the middle of the night, shouted and gave his last breath. That was a shock to me. That is why I said, life is so unpredictable. I'll send my condolences to her. Her husband left her with 2 kids with the youngest one 2 years old. She must be having a hard time...I'll pray for her. Hope that she's getting better each day... Anyway...I'm pretty tired now..going for my beauty shower and beauty sleep *winks*

Birthday Events...

2009-07-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to me ! *winks* Never been any better during my precious birthday. I had a great day today and even last week itself when SC celebrated my birthday with me a few times. He brought me for my favourite buffet at 1 Utama, then he gave me a surprise pressie which is a Coach purse, had dinner celebration with his family on Saturday night, and finally, had my favourite Japanese buffet again, this time was at Tenji. I still prefer Jogoya though but the environment at Tenji was excellent. I had too much though and I disposed some out *lol* After so long, I started to blog back. Somehow, I just felt like it. Lots of things to say, personal life, working life, and even on special occasion like today. Best of all, I'm just happy. There are words saying that laughter is the best medicine and it is way true. Whenever I am happy, the whole day felt so good to me. This year birthday was one of the best birthday I ever had. I got some pressies also. Pressie from SC was a Coach purse, pressie from grandma was a big red packet, pressie from SC's parents was a shirt and a Rolex watch *shock* Never expected that though. I dont even dare to wear them. I only wore them once when I was at Palm Spring for my mini birthday celebration with SC's friends. Now the watch is happily staying in the safe, together with the red packet. Anyway, happy big birthday to myself... Not a lot of people wishes me though. Real time I do have a handful and virtually, through Facebook, I do have a number of wishes. Whichever way it is, thanks for all the wishes. Birthday wishes from them means that I exist within them and for that, even just a small little wish will cheer me up. That's why I said, they are the best among all. On the other hand, I do not have any wishes from my parents. Not sure why but I guess this was expected? Oh well...may God bless them in either way. Today's dinner was at Tenji at Solaris. Quite pricey but environment was brilliant. Food there was just ok. I still prefer Jogoya with more varieties there. I ate too much and ended up got myself sick and threw up *rolled* What a waste. Now, I am super tired waiting for this blog to end so that I could take my bath and go to bed immediately. Too tired for any other games... As for my working life, I just got involved in big case. My big boss just passed me to handle all the support cases which was initially handled by my immediate superior. He got scolded so the task was handed over to me *sigh* I am so lost. Besides, I still have lots of things to do in development side. I just got a message from my big boss asking me to call him first thing in the morning tomorrow. Got some confusion in the new project that I was doing and wanted to do some changes. Oh well... Getting really tired...cant stand it anymore. Oh by the way, Tenji offers free flow beer, wine and even shots during dinner buffet. Beer was too filling, wine was of course out of my interest so I took shots. Me, SC and his brother even played games to decide who should drink. I just love playing games with them. Never been better with our relationship being this way. I love the way we are right now. It was all that I ever wished for before...*muaks* Off to bed...nite nitezzz

Second day...

2009-04-16T22:10:00.003+08:00

Second day of blog. Happy news? *giggles* Nothing much happen today. Work was ok. I still have one more day till my dateline. Hope I can make it tomorrow. As I can see, no problem in completing it tomorrow. Speaking of work, I went out with lunch with my collegues along with my boss. We had our lunch at Dragon-i. It was boss's treats because today is one of my collegue's last day. It was an expensive lunch but all of us had fun. I ordered quite a lot and ate quite a lot also. Not that I am greedy, just that I would like to try the egg mustard bun there. I still prefer SOHO's. Too bad, no more SOHO in 1 Utama. I wonder when will my last day of work in that company be? Will I change to another company? Will I leave that company and manage my own one? God knows...It was never in my planning yet, at least not now. One thing for sure, it is not easy. Support cases are enough trouble. It has never been easy. Even I am doing support cases sometimes. Not all the time though but I really dun like that. After all, I have my own task to complete. So fast, tomorrow is already Friday. Another weekend is coming and will be leaving soon. How time flies...BB is now 1 year and 2 months old already. Sigh...now i feel so much older. No more youth life, no more going around having fun with friends and such. Bleh...forget it. I'll get irritated when I talk about this. Anyway, my company suppose to plan a trip to Phuket. Thanks to certain people, the trip was delayed and even until now, I dun even get any confirmation about the trip. I have to wait until Monday to be able to get some answers. It is so hard to plan even for company trips. Guess I have to wait until Monday. Gosh...how annoyed can I be due to this trip. Besides, SC kept asking me about the trip everyday. Got even annoyed. Nothing much to say...here's a quick joke that I read in a magazine yesterday. A boy was talking to her mother. Boy : Mom, our neighbour must be very very poor... Mom : Why do you say that? Boy : Because the parents made so much fuss when their baby swallowed a dime... *giggles*

Back Again...

2009-04-15T22:20:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm back again. I guess I had too much time for myself at night. I had always thought of starting a new blog but never actually did it. Influenced by a friend of mine who started a new blog and told me to comment it when I cant do that for certain reasons. Anyway, welcome back. Not sure who my reader will be but whoever it is, I will appreciate comments on certain things. Love life, personal life, motherhood life, working life had never been easy for me. After all, those are challenges of life. Things had never been easy ever since I was blessed with BB. No more clubbing, no more night life, no more shopping with friends, dedicated all my time to BB. Sometimes I would be sad but I guess I dont mind that at all. Life with BB is great and since I'm working during the weekdays, I would definitely spend more time with her during the weekends. It would hurt me much to see that she wouldnt be close to me. Feelings go up and down all the time due to this. I knew myself very well that I've changed. I dislike that but I dont have any choice. I'm being very overprotective over BB and I want to train her to behave and have manners. Most of the time, I never have a chance to do that because somebody else would have pamper her and all sort. How would I train in that way? Everytime during meal, she just couldnt sit down and play just like any other kids. She would climb out and start walking around. I dont like that but yet, somebody else would have bring her away from me and start pampering her, letting her do whatever she wants. Tell me what would I do? So, dont blame me for being sensitive. That's for my personal life. Working life, everything is good. Busy with all my works as I am entrusted with lots of work. Now, I'm working on integration of OMRON blood pressure set with our systems. It is fun in a way. Going through all the hassle to look for the BP set, going into the warehouse of my boss just to look for that. Found the box but inside the box were junks. Found the casing but inside the casing were junks. Finally, after digging through the warehouse, found the BP set, lying around in a big box along with other junks. Godness me...Seriously, the warehouse is full of junks. They threw so many boxes away just to clear up the warehouse. Of course I wasnt involved. As soon as I got my things, TTFN ( ta ta for now ). *giggles* Speaking of working life, I like working in my current company. Everything that I do/did, I always have fun in doing them. The satisfaction is there. The collegues are all friendly and great. Even my boss is friendly. At least I like his principle of having everyone in the office of the same rank. He told us that a long time before, I guess it was around the time when I just started not long ago. Whatever it is, the working environment there is great. I guess this entry is long enough. Will stop here. Anyway this blog will not be only about my personal things. Sometimes when I found something interesting, I would post it up. Maybe like some emails that I received, or some jokes that I found. Just anything interesting so that this blog wont be so personal. At least that is what I'm thinking. TTFN*