Revealed...

As promised, well, Thursday night I came home early, immediately after work but due to the traffic, I reached home probably bout 7.30 pm. Only grandma was at home. My parents in law went out already so only 3 of us including BB had dinner together. Juz a normal daily routine until quite late at night. SC was out that night, he went to Sunway to buy some stuff and went to Coco Banana as well for some drinking. The last time I talked to him on the phone was when I was at work, in the evening. Anyway, I was playing with my lappy when the parents came back, that time was quite late already..almost midnight. Mom came into the room and started grumbling about SC. I knew where he was but I juz told her that he went to Sunway to buy some stuff then I never call him already. She was still grumbling there. I could see that she was angry. When she left the room, I got tired so I went to take some rest. SC came back probably 1 hour later, that time was already about 1.30 am. I was still awake that time but as usual, I pretended I was sleeping because I knew that something will happened and I was right. Mom came into the room and started scolding SC. I was 'sleeping' and so was BB so they talked outside the room. The door wasnt close so of course I could hear everything and I was still awake that time. She was scolding him for going out every night like that, asking what was wrong and all...mentioning about me and BB are his responsibility and all...It was a bad scolding...I felt bad for him but at the same time, I was relieved. When all the scolding ended, he came back into the room and trying to wake me up but I remained 'sleeping'. He told me to wake him up earlier tomorrow for work. Well, I couldnt sleep the whole night and I knew that he couldnt sleep as well. He was very different that night. Hugging me to sleep, holding on to me while sleeping, telling me time after time that he loves me, kissing me on my forehead....that was something that I really miss...that was how he always pampers me. I do not want him to pamper me by giving me gifts or giving me materials...the only thing I want from him is all this small things that he does...gestures, pampering...kisses, huggies, words, all those are my form of materials that I need and those cant be bought or obtained by money. Those are priceless... After that, he suddenly became a little different. He came to look for me for lunch the next day...huggies and holding hands...kisses as well...I really miss having all of those. Thanks to the scolding I suppose....Anyway, I went to Sunway Pyramid today to buy a new tongue barbell and I bought one with pattern. Shorter and bigger barbell? And it costs me 40 bucks. *grins* The shop that I bought was filled with it. Quite alot to choose from also. Well, shorter is better and I can talk better and eat better now. Preston wedding dinner is tomorrow...Will be looking forward to that and congrats to him for being bonded. He is now one step higher in life. Cheers to him... *shrugs* Need to do the catalogue for SC. *Peace out...

Last Day of the Week...

Finally...after staying late in the office, I finally finish updating my things...Although not all problems solved but that was the best I could do. At least today, office was pretty quiet. My supervisor was on leave and my MD was in a good mood. I was busy doing my work and at the same time, organizing for CNY dinner. Anyway, it'll be on 8th Feb, Monday since Michael said he'll be coming down on that day if I were to have the dinner on that day. Cheers to him then...Monday it is and it will be at the same place Preston gonna have his wedding dinner. The menu is not confirmed yet so I'll be going to meet the one whom I spoke to to arrange for the menu on Sunday. My MD didnt want shark fin *shrugs* Oh well...at least we will be having CNY dinner with everyone around. Juz hope everyone could go. Cheers for putting effort in organizing it *giggles* Nothing much happened today though...juz a quiet day and a busy day for me cuz I need to finish up everything today and next week, I'll be busy with other things, migrations and credit note refund. Dr Siaw even called me today to ask on my progress *shrugs* Anyway...I'm not really in the mood to blog now. Really tired...something did happened but I dun think I wanna talk bout it now. Will update tomorrow I guess since SC will be going out for some company annual dinner and I'll be at home. Ya...good time to reveal what had happened. SC will be having holiday tomorrow so we'll be going to Sunway tomorrow since I want to change my tongue barbell. He'll accompany me for that since he wanted to get his car serviced anyway. Well, he's at home now so I better spend some time with him. Something happened yesterday that is why he is behaving well today and even stayed at home. I'm not sure whether I should be happy or not though...but I'm glad and happy at the same time that he's spending time with me and pampering me even more nowadays... I'll reveal more tomorrow...*Adios...

Stupid work...

I was so frustrated today...I had my own work to do and for the past 2 days, I was supposed to finish it but ended up helping my MD and Jacky to do the CD compilation. Finally, when the CD is completed, I thought I have my own time to finish up my stuff but no...more things ahead of me. Singapore side reported that some freezing issues that I thought was fixed, was still persisting. I am really lost on why it happen that way. Can't even debug on the problem cuz it doesnt happen all the time, only once in a blue moon and it is really very random. Gosh...this is really frustrating...Other than that I still need to finish up my work on hand, updating the O&G to the latest version before next week and tomorrow will be the last day. Worst still...my supervisor didn't come to work today and he was supposed to come up with a program to fix some client issue and ended up, I am the one who supposed to do it. What the heck? My head cant store so many things...I can't do so many work...then some stupid collegue of mine who is handling the installation bugged me with more work, on migration for client...That client is Danny's client and ya...he told me it wasn't really urgent so that is why I didnt work on it yet. Cuz of that, I so-called had an argument with Danny. Can't imagine how 'hot' I was that time. I was practically on fire. Why muz so many things come up when I'm at the point of rushing my own work. I get really fed up over all this. Anyway, I still got one more day to finish up my O&G side as well as all the others bugs reported by Singapore. As for the migration, I'll do it next week, along with KF's migration that juz came in today *grins* Then I'll continue with my Credit note module which was supposed to be done end of this month. WTH...seriously the company need more programmer...I can't handle everything on my own...Really wanted to shout today... Going to sleep...can't think. Oh ya...for the first time, I tried to take out my tongue barbell. I can easily take it out and slip it back in. So I was thinking of changing the barbell on Saturday. I guess I'll be going shopping with SC on Saturday for the barbell. Really getting annoyed of being laughed and talked like a retard. *Peace out...

Busy day...

Today is another busy day at work. At least I had much fun at work. My plan was to go to office early since my MD will be reaching early today but I guess I was a lil late, but still much earlier than usual. Supposed to reached at 7.30 am but ended up reaching at 8 am *giggles* I was quite surprised this morning when I received SMS from my MD asking me where am I ? That was the first time though. I replied while stuck in the moving traffic, saying that I'm still stuck but almost reach office already. His reply was....breakfast on you. I ended up laughing at his reply. When I reached office, I saw him at Media so after I parked my car at my usual spot, I walked over to Media juz to found out that he drove to the office already. So I had to walk back to the office but half way, he stopped me and told me to go back to Media. He'll accompany me for breakfast. That was nice of him but I didnt have my breakfast though. Juz a drink to chill my precious tongue *shrugs* That was the first time I have breakfast with only him alone. He mentioned that as well. We talked about certain stuff, from business to family. As usual, he will still ask me on my condition, how am I doing with SC and BB...Thanks for being concern. I considered myself lucky despite having a broken family background. I do not get love and care from my family members before but I was lucky that I can get them from frenz around me who are close to me now. Not many of them but the numbers were enough to shower me with endless and limitless love and care. I am blessed with having them by my side. SC and his family, Terence, KW, some of my collegues, even my MD. Juz a handful of them but enough for me to stay alive and keep walking...Either way, I still have my family members by my side as well, healthy and breathing and that is all I wish for. I may not be like any other girl as I know what I lack, where I stand, how I was brought up. Independant at certain time, strong on the outside but weak on the inside, happy go lucky girl, happy with every small little thing...yada yada...not praising myself though. Adrian mentioned that I'm very fragile on the inside...I agree with him. By the way, I lost myself yesterday. SC had been out again most of the nights, in fact, quite often nowadays, fishing and drinking...up to yesterday, I lost myself. We ended up quarelling and I ended up in tears...Tears is something that is good for me now. As long as I get to cry my heart out, I will be fine and I did juz that. I was alone...in tears, suffocating from everything...I really needed that as I held up really hard up till now. I'm not sure how long I was in tears...SC did came to me and apologize to me...pampering me, soothen me back but I was still in tears...even when the time I went to sleep...I fell asleep in tears...I cant help it but I couldnt stop the tears from flowing down. That was my weakness...The only one that saw me cry before is of course SC...other than that will be Terence and my MD. Not that I purposely did it in front of them, but that time...it was juz too much for me to hold it up. Anyway, back to what happened today...After breakfast with my MD, we went back to the office and I helped him to get the CD done. Jacky wasn't in the office yet. He decided to change his usual breakfast place for today so he was a lil late. I helped him in normalizing the volumn and recompile the whole thing again. The CD need to be out by 12 pm and after all the hassle..all the ups and downs...the CD was out on time. I can continue back my task but Jacky still look for me from time to time for some help in his task. Gosh...juz like the blind leading the blind. That was my first time doing it as well. I guess after this first time...I will expect a second time. Well, at least my MD was in a good mood the whole day today...he even bought Pizza for all of us. I was having a lil trouble eating but I did have a slice of it. Cheers to him... SC came to look for me for lunch today. I was supposed to have lunch with Jacky anyway. Sorry for ffking him in the end but I would rather have lunch with SC. We had lunch at The Wok...the same place where Alex brought me for lunch with the others last week. He treated me with extra care and pampering today. That is good news for me. At least I know that my tears were not for nothing. Well, that was my day. I left the office quite late today but not as late as yesterday. My MD said I came early today so I should be back early. *shrugs* No such principle. I still got work to do anyway. Things started to change. My MD started to get his temper back so I left the office. Didn't want to stay there any longer since the whole office was practically quiet. *grins* Will continue my work tomorrow. Few more days...I'll be looking forward to my request from my MD. Thanks again for granting me that request. Also, Preston's wedding dinner is drawing near..Will be looking forward to that also...CNY company dinner...still in planning process...didnt really have the time to ask but I'll prepare that by this week. Hopefully everything will be ok. Preston will be on leave tomorrow...wedding leave. Danny and KF will be outstation tomorrow as well. Hope they have a safe journey there and all the best to both of them. I did send them SMS on that but no reply *grins* Forget bout it...Kuching...my hometown...juz miss that place. Will be going back there soon..that's for sure. That is the place that I grew up...that is the place that I spent my childhood time..I miss it so much... Tired...going to sleep now *Chioz peepz..

Working Late...

Today is one of the days that I stayed late in the office. I stayed in the office until about 8.30 pm. Me, my MD and Hanif were the one left. In fact, tomorrow I'll be going to office early also to help clear things up. I was told that my MD will be going to office early so juz hope that he keeps his words. Anyway, I was really busy at work today, not doing my things though...I was assigned to help Jacky, our new marketing guy with the CD compilation. My supervisor was supposed to be helping but he didn't turn up today so I was the one ended up helping. I didn't know anything bout that also so it will be like the blind leading the blind. I still remember how confused I was in the morning when I helped Jacky. Well, at least we got things under control but there were still somethings not right so I'll get it right tomorrow early in the morning. Cross my fingers then. Anyway, my MD drove me to my car juz now after work since my car was in front and we came out through the back door. He was worried that someone will kidnap me so he offered to drive me to my car. We had a little talk while in the car anyway. He was asking how is everything for me. He told me something that struck me by the way. He said he knew me so long, I rarely stayed in the office till this late so something must be wrong. Well, thanks for being concern but everything is ok. Juz that SC was out for drinking and I figured that my presence in the office is needed so I stayed. I was happy that he is concerned over all this. I guess he is juz as observant as others that I knew. I really appreciate it and blessed that I have someone like him to care about me. I juz feel lucky...that's all. So..I'm really very tired now. Will be signing off and getting some early rest and be prepared for tomorrow. I will have a busy day again tomorrow *shrugs* *Adios*

Life is full of wonder...

That's it...I'm seriously juz being plain stupid. Like I said, no more next time. That will be my last time being close to someone...either way, I still have people close to me and appreciate me the way I am and I am happy that way. I have SC as my partner for life...I have Terence as my best boyfren for life...I have KW as my best brother for life...that is enough for me. At least they do not hurt me, instead they took care of me and care for me much. At least I play an important role to them and I am someone who is important to them...They are juz all I needed in this life... Sometimes I wonder...what if one day I ended up in a hospital...probably due to attacks, or maybe accident? Who will be there by my side when I wake up? Well, at least I know that those people that come to me are those that care for me. What happen when I ended up dying? Who will mourn for me? I really dunno...I really want to know...I really want to know how much I mean to them... I'm really lost...I really dont know what to do...KW said I'm strong...Terence as well...but I wonder...am I really that strong? Where am I heading? Why do I need to be strong? It hurts so much to be strong but deep down it is like a cut in me. I guess that is one of the reason why I want to have my tongue piercing. I have a habit...bad habit of mine. Whenever I'm hurt, I tend to do stupid things that is painful so that I could feel that pain more than the pain in my heart. Terence knew this very well because I went through that with him before. I guess habits will always remain as habits... I dont wan to think anymore...I dont want to remember anymore...Enough is enough. I'm tired of everything...tired of my weakness...tired of my so-called being strong...tired of myself being plain stupid. I need a break...Words were right...I take things for granted...And I always have this principle that I never regret the things that I did and yes...I never regret everything...I juz accept it if it goes wrong and learned from it. Time will heal...as what KW said...he is also worried over me. Thanks kor...for being concern about me. Juz be by my side more and it will make me feel much better... My life went back to how it was before. Not so much of phone calls, not so much of messages, not so much of online messages...should I be glad that everything is over? I guess I should be...those were juz memories...plain stupid memories...

Happy 3rd Anniversary...

Today, or rather 24th January, is my wedding anniversary. I am really fortunate and blessed that this relationship is already bonded for 3 years and we first started in 10th December 1998, 2 days after SC's birthday. 11 years of relationship at this age is not easy at all. I still remember the time when he asked me to be his partner in a prom, if I'm not mistaken it was SMSU's prom or somewhere nearby, can't really remember. The prom was held at Sheraton Hotel. That was my first prom ever...I was still a kid back then but one thing for sure, I was having fun. That was the time when he asked me to be his girlfren and I became his stead after that. It was weird how we both get along so well since he's the notti type and I'm the goodie type. All my frenz were always wondering what tied us together. Probably its Ying and Yang. Anyway, thank God for blessing me in this relationship and made me who I am now. This 11 years had been a wonderful and blessing years that I had in my whole life. Well, we didn't celebrate that much though since it is also his dad's bdae. We went out for dinner together and SC planned to have a family outing, juz the three of us soon. Will update more on that. Today is also Ashley's birthday...my sister's daughter. She had her party over at McD at Centerpoint and we were invited. BB had so much fun there. She had her nuggets and fries...even played slide with the others. At least she was having fun... Although today is one of our special occasion but we didnt really celebrate it much. We both know within ourselves how much we love each other, how much we care for each other and that is enough, at least for me. I dont request for much, pressie or honeymoon, or whatever luxury thingy but I juz hope that there would be many years coming ahead of us and we could be together during those coming years. That will be enough for me... *Yawn...peace out..