Revealed...

As promised, well, Thursday night I came home early, immediately after work but due to the traffic, I reached home probably bout 7.30 pm. Only grandma was at home. My parents in law went out already so only 3 of us including BB had dinner together. Juz a normal daily routine until quite late at night. SC was out that night, he went to Sunway to buy some stuff and went to Coco Banana as well for some drinking. The last time I talked to him on the phone was when I was at work, in the evening. Anyway, I was playing with my lappy when the parents came back, that time was quite late already..almost midnight. Mom came into the room and started grumbling about SC. I knew where he was but I juz told her that he went to Sunway to buy some stuff then I never call him already. She was still grumbling there. I could see that she was angry. When she left the room, I got tired so I went to take some rest. SC came back probably 1 hour later, that time was already about 1.30 am. I was still awake that time but as usual, I pretended I was sleeping because I knew that something will happened and I was right. Mom came into the room and started scolding SC. I was 'sleeping' and so was BB so they talked outside the room. The door wasnt close so of course I could hear everything and I was still awake that time. She was scolding him for going out every night like that, asking what was wrong and all...mentioning about me and BB are his responsibility and all...It was a bad scolding...I felt bad for him but at the same time, I was relieved. When all the scolding ended, he came back into the room and trying to wake me up but I remained 'sleeping'. He told me to wake him up earlier tomorrow for work. Well, I couldnt sleep the whole night and I knew that he couldnt sleep as well. He was very different that night. Hugging me to sleep, holding on to me while sleeping, telling me time after time that he loves me, kissing me on my forehead....that was something that I really miss...that was how he always pampers me. I do not want him to pamper me by giving me gifts or giving me materials...the only thing I want from him is all this small things that he does...gestures, pampering...kisses, huggies, words, all those are my form of materials that I need and those cant be bought or obtained by money. Those are priceless... After that, he suddenly became a little different. He came to look for me for lunch the next day...huggies and holding hands...kisses as well...I really miss having all of those. Thanks to the scolding I suppose....Anyway, I went to Sunway Pyramid today to buy a new tongue barbell and I bought one with pattern. Shorter and bigger barbell? And it costs me 40 bucks. *grins* The shop that I bought was filled with it. Quite alot to choose from also. Well, shorter is better and I can talk better and eat better now. Preston wedding dinner is tomorrow...Will be looking forward to that and congrats to him for being bonded. He is now one step higher in life. Cheers to him... *shrugs* Need to do the catalogue for SC. *Peace out...

Last Day of the Week...

Finally...after staying late in the office, I finally finish updating my things...Although not all problems solved but that was the best I could do. At least today, office was pretty quiet. My supervisor was on leave and my MD was in a good mood. I was busy doing my work and at the same time, organizing for CNY dinner. Anyway, it'll be on 8th Feb, Monday since Michael said he'll be coming down on that day if I were to have the dinner on that day. Cheers to him then...Monday it is and it will be at the same place Preston gonna have his wedding dinner. The menu is not confirmed yet so I'll be going to meet the one whom I spoke to to arrange for the menu on Sunday. My MD didnt want shark fin *shrugs* Oh well...at least we will be having CNY dinner with everyone around. Juz hope everyone could go. Cheers for putting effort in organizing it *giggles* Nothing much happened today though...juz a quiet day and a busy day for me cuz I need to finish up everything today and next week, I'll be busy with other things, migrations and credit note refund. Dr Siaw even called me today to ask on my progress *shrugs* Anyway...I'm not really in the mood to blog now. Really tired...something did happened but I dun think I wanna talk bout it now. Will update tomorrow I guess since SC will be going out for some company annual dinner and I'll be at home. Ya...good time to reveal what had happened. SC will be having holiday tomorrow so we'll be going to Sunway tomorrow since I want to change my tongue barbell. He'll accompany me for that since he wanted to get his car serviced anyway. Well, he's at home now so I better spend some time with him. Something happened yesterday that is why he is behaving well today and even stayed at home. I'm not sure whether I should be happy or not though...but I'm glad and happy at the same time that he's spending time with me and pampering me even more nowadays... I'll reveal more tomorrow...*Adios...

Stupid work...

I was so frustrated today...I had my own work to do and for the past 2 days, I was supposed to finish it but ended up helping my MD and Jacky to do the CD compilation. Finally, when the CD is completed, I thought I have my own time to finish up my stuff but no...more things ahead of me. Singapore side reported that some freezing issues that I thought was fixed, was still persisting. I am really lost on why it happen that way. Can't even debug on the problem cuz it doesnt happen all the time, only once in a blue moon and it is really very random. Gosh...this is really frustrating...Other than that I still need to finish up my work on hand, updating the O&G to the latest version before next week and tomorrow will be the last day. Worst still...my supervisor didn't come to work today and he was supposed to come up with a program to fix some client issue and ended up, I am the one who supposed to do it. What the heck? My head cant store so many things...I can't do so many work...then some stupid collegue of mine who is handling the installation bugged me with more work, on migration for client...That client is Danny's client and ya...he told me it wasn't really urgent so that is why I didnt work on it yet. Cuz of that, I so-called had an argument with Danny. Can't imagine how 'hot' I was that time. I was practically on fire. Why muz so many things come up when I'm at the point of rushing my own work. I get really fed up over all this. Anyway, I still got one more day to finish up my O&G side as well as all the others bugs reported by Singapore. As for the migration, I'll do it next week, along with KF's migration that juz came in today *grins* Then I'll continue with my Credit note module which was supposed to be done end of this month. WTH...seriously the company need more programmer...I can't handle everything on my own...Really wanted to shout today... Going to sleep...can't think. Oh ya...for the first time, I tried to take out my tongue barbell. I can easily take it out and slip it back in. So I was thinking of changing the barbell on Saturday. I guess I'll be going shopping with SC on Saturday for the barbell. Really getting annoyed of being laughed and talked like a retard. *Peace out...

Busy day...

Today is another busy day at work. At least I had much fun at work. My plan was to go to office early since my MD will be reaching early today but I guess I was a lil late, but still much earlier than usual. Supposed to reached at 7.30 am but ended up reaching at 8 am *giggles* I was quite surprised this morning when I received SMS from my MD asking me where am I ? That was the first time though. I replied while stuck in the moving traffic, saying that I'm still stuck but almost reach office already. His reply was....breakfast on you. I ended up laughing at his reply. When I reached office, I saw him at Media so after I parked my car at my usual spot, I walked over to Media juz to found out that he drove to the office already. So I had to walk back to the office but half way, he stopped me and told me to go back to Media. He'll accompany me for breakfast. That was nice of him but I didnt have my breakfast though. Juz a drink to chill my precious tongue *shrugs* That was the first time I have breakfast with only him alone. He mentioned that as well. We talked about certain stuff, from business to family. As usual, he will still ask me on my condition, how am I doing with SC and BB...Thanks for being concern. I considered myself lucky despite having a broken family background. I do not get love and care from my family members before but I was lucky that I can get them from frenz around me who are close to me now. Not many of them but the numbers were enough to shower me with endless and limitless love and care. I am blessed with having them by my side. SC and his family, Terence, KW, some of my collegues, even my MD. Juz a handful of them but enough for me to stay alive and keep walking...Either way, I still have my family members by my side as well, healthy and breathing and that is all I wish for. I may not be like any other girl as I know what I lack, where I stand, how I was brought up. Independant at certain time, strong on the outside but weak on the inside, happy go lucky girl, happy with every small little thing...yada yada...not praising myself though. Adrian mentioned that I'm very fragile on the inside...I agree with him. By the way, I lost myself yesterday. SC had been out again most of the nights, in fact, quite often nowadays, fishing and drinking...up to yesterday, I lost myself. We ended up quarelling and I ended up in tears...Tears is something that is good for me now. As long as I get to cry my heart out, I will be fine and I did juz that. I was alone...in tears, suffocating from everything...I really needed that as I held up really hard up till now. I'm not sure how long I was in tears...SC did came to me and apologize to me...pampering me, soothen me back but I was still in tears...even when the time I went to sleep...I fell asleep in tears...I cant help it but I couldnt stop the tears from flowing down. That was my weakness...The only one that saw me cry before is of course SC...other than that will be Terence and my MD. Not that I purposely did it in front of them, but that time...it was juz too much for me to hold it up. Anyway, back to what happened today...After breakfast with my MD, we went back to the office and I helped him to get the CD done. Jacky wasn't in the office yet. He decided to change his usual breakfast place for today so he was a lil late. I helped him in normalizing the volumn and recompile the whole thing again. The CD need to be out by 12 pm and after all the hassle..all the ups and downs...the CD was out on time. I can continue back my task but Jacky still look for me from time to time for some help in his task. Gosh...juz like the blind leading the blind. That was my first time doing it as well. I guess after this first time...I will expect a second time. Well, at least my MD was in a good mood the whole day today...he even bought Pizza for all of us. I was having a lil trouble eating but I did have a slice of it. Cheers to him... SC came to look for me for lunch today. I was supposed to have lunch with Jacky anyway. Sorry for ffking him in the end but I would rather have lunch with SC. We had lunch at The Wok...the same place where Alex brought me for lunch with the others last week. He treated me with extra care and pampering today. That is good news for me. At least I know that my tears were not for nothing. Well, that was my day. I left the office quite late today but not as late as yesterday. My MD said I came early today so I should be back early. *shrugs* No such principle. I still got work to do anyway. Things started to change. My MD started to get his temper back so I left the office. Didn't want to stay there any longer since the whole office was practically quiet. *grins* Will continue my work tomorrow. Few more days...I'll be looking forward to my request from my MD. Thanks again for granting me that request. Also, Preston's wedding dinner is drawing near..Will be looking forward to that also...CNY company dinner...still in planning process...didnt really have the time to ask but I'll prepare that by this week. Hopefully everything will be ok. Preston will be on leave tomorrow...wedding leave. Danny and KF will be outstation tomorrow as well. Hope they have a safe journey there and all the best to both of them. I did send them SMS on that but no reply *grins* Forget bout it...Kuching...my hometown...juz miss that place. Will be going back there soon..that's for sure. That is the place that I grew up...that is the place that I spent my childhood time..I miss it so much... Tired...going to sleep now *Chioz peepz..

Working Late...

Today is one of the days that I stayed late in the office. I stayed in the office until about 8.30 pm. Me, my MD and Hanif were the one left. In fact, tomorrow I'll be going to office early also to help clear things up. I was told that my MD will be going to office early so juz hope that he keeps his words. Anyway, I was really busy at work today, not doing my things though...I was assigned to help Jacky, our new marketing guy with the CD compilation. My supervisor was supposed to be helping but he didn't turn up today so I was the one ended up helping. I didn't know anything bout that also so it will be like the blind leading the blind. I still remember how confused I was in the morning when I helped Jacky. Well, at least we got things under control but there were still somethings not right so I'll get it right tomorrow early in the morning. Cross my fingers then. Anyway, my MD drove me to my car juz now after work since my car was in front and we came out through the back door. He was worried that someone will kidnap me so he offered to drive me to my car. We had a little talk while in the car anyway. He was asking how is everything for me. He told me something that struck me by the way. He said he knew me so long, I rarely stayed in the office till this late so something must be wrong. Well, thanks for being concern but everything is ok. Juz that SC was out for drinking and I figured that my presence in the office is needed so I stayed. I was happy that he is concerned over all this. I guess he is juz as observant as others that I knew. I really appreciate it and blessed that I have someone like him to care about me. I juz feel lucky...that's all. So..I'm really very tired now. Will be signing off and getting some early rest and be prepared for tomorrow. I will have a busy day again tomorrow *shrugs* *Adios*

Life is full of wonder...

That's it...I'm seriously juz being plain stupid. Like I said, no more next time. That will be my last time being close to someone...either way, I still have people close to me and appreciate me the way I am and I am happy that way. I have SC as my partner for life...I have Terence as my best boyfren for life...I have KW as my best brother for life...that is enough for me. At least they do not hurt me, instead they took care of me and care for me much. At least I play an important role to them and I am someone who is important to them...They are juz all I needed in this life... Sometimes I wonder...what if one day I ended up in a hospital...probably due to attacks, or maybe accident? Who will be there by my side when I wake up? Well, at least I know that those people that come to me are those that care for me. What happen when I ended up dying? Who will mourn for me? I really dunno...I really want to know...I really want to know how much I mean to them... I'm really lost...I really dont know what to do...KW said I'm strong...Terence as well...but I wonder...am I really that strong? Where am I heading? Why do I need to be strong? It hurts so much to be strong but deep down it is like a cut in me. I guess that is one of the reason why I want to have my tongue piercing. I have a habit...bad habit of mine. Whenever I'm hurt, I tend to do stupid things that is painful so that I could feel that pain more than the pain in my heart. Terence knew this very well because I went through that with him before. I guess habits will always remain as habits... I dont wan to think anymore...I dont want to remember anymore...Enough is enough. I'm tired of everything...tired of my weakness...tired of my so-called being strong...tired of myself being plain stupid. I need a break...Words were right...I take things for granted...And I always have this principle that I never regret the things that I did and yes...I never regret everything...I juz accept it if it goes wrong and learned from it. Time will heal...as what KW said...he is also worried over me. Thanks kor...for being concern about me. Juz be by my side more and it will make me feel much better... My life went back to how it was before. Not so much of phone calls, not so much of messages, not so much of online messages...should I be glad that everything is over? I guess I should be...those were juz memories...plain stupid memories...

Happy 3rd Anniversary...

Today, or rather 24th January, is my wedding anniversary. I am really fortunate and blessed that this relationship is already bonded for 3 years and we first started in 10th December 1998, 2 days after SC's birthday. 11 years of relationship at this age is not easy at all. I still remember the time when he asked me to be his partner in a prom, if I'm not mistaken it was SMSU's prom or somewhere nearby, can't really remember. The prom was held at Sheraton Hotel. That was my first prom ever...I was still a kid back then but one thing for sure, I was having fun. That was the time when he asked me to be his girlfren and I became his stead after that. It was weird how we both get along so well since he's the notti type and I'm the goodie type. All my frenz were always wondering what tied us together. Probably its Ying and Yang. Anyway, thank God for blessing me in this relationship and made me who I am now. This 11 years had been a wonderful and blessing years that I had in my whole life. Well, we didn't celebrate that much though since it is also his dad's bdae. We went out for dinner together and SC planned to have a family outing, juz the three of us soon. Will update more on that. Today is also Ashley's birthday...my sister's daughter. She had her party over at McD at Centerpoint and we were invited. BB had so much fun there. She had her nuggets and fries...even played slide with the others. At least she was having fun... Although today is one of our special occasion but we didnt really celebrate it much. We both know within ourselves how much we love each other, how much we care for each other and that is enough, at least for me. I dont request for much, pressie or honeymoon, or whatever luxury thingy but I juz hope that there would be many years coming ahead of us and we could be together during those coming years. That will be enough for me... *Yawn...peace out..

Hair Make Over...

I spent my whole day at Bianco today with Alex, my hair stylist. Appointment was at 11 am but he came only at 11.30 am saying that I was early. Appointment was supposed to be at 12 pm. *shrugs* I have no idea...SC was the one who passed the message to me. Anyway, whole day getting my hair make over. Didn't have any lunch as I planned to eat with either Terence, Adrian or my bro, KW. I didnt expect it to end so late...ended up eating dinner with KW *shrugs* KW came over to my house to fetch me and BB out for dinner nearby. At least he took the trouble to come all the way here to fetch us. Thanks a lot to him, I had my dinner and was filled. I'll be going out again with SC for dinner to accompany him. Juz need to get BB to sleep first. Nothing much for today...I was happy since I pampered myself by spending my whole afternoon with my hair stylist. Cost me a bunch anyway. I hardly style my hair so I dont bother about the price. Well, I need to get back to Alex on Monday after work to continue with hair treatment and he'll give me extra hair wash cuz I cant wash my hair till Monday night *shrugs* Oh well...at least I am happy on my own today without thinking of unnecessary stuff...*Adios

Pampering Time...

Time to pamper myself....Having appointment with Alex, my hair stylist at 11 am for a hair make over. Cross my fingers then...Juz love pampering myself with that. I wonder who will accompany me for lunch? Guess I juz have to make phone calls....*shrugs* SC is working full day today so I'm on my own. Cheers for making my own plan else I'll rot at home....*Adios..

Laughter...

I am a laughing stock to everyone nowadays...Everyone means my collegues and even my MD. *shrugs* Anyway, I had my tongue piercing 2 days back and because of that, I couldn't talk properly. Yesterday, Preston, KF and even my supervisor were laughing at me and kept imitating my speech. Today, I had lunch with them together with my MD since I have no lunch appointment today. My MD was practically screaming the whole day today and he was not in the mood. Well, at least during lunch time he is ok back. While we were on the way to our lunch destination, everyone were making fun of my speech, except my MD cuz he dont know yet and of course I couldn't let him know, at least that was what I thought. I remembered when Danny had his piercing, he wasn't really happy with it so I figured it would be the same for me. Anyway, thanks to my piercing, I couldnt have my meal, not even porridge. I was kinda worry over my lunch though. When everyone were making fun of me, my MD was curious on the reason behind it but my signal was strong enough that everyone kept quiet from him *shrugs* Lunch was at Kota Damansara, a Penang food restaurant. Ordered ala carte so I had no choice but to eat *grins* To my surprise, I can eat today...even rice. Thank God for that. At least I didn't raise any doubts from my MD. I ate egg with prawn today as well *shrugs* One of the few things that I cannot eat... That was my lunch. Journey back to the office, we were practically laughing all the way. Making jokes as usual, gossiping about life...it was really lame. When we went back to the office, my MD wasn't so heaty anymore. He was actually asking me a question and when I answered him, he asked me whether I have sweet in my mouth or not. *shrugs* I juz laughed and even my supervisor was laughing. I didnt answer him but he somehow got the answer and even forced me to show it to him. Yup...I did showed it to him and he was making fun of me. He even asked me whether it is pain or not. *giggles* Anyway, I made my move to talk to him in private. I requested for something and after a talk with him, he approved it. Cheers to him...I really needed that. Even during the talk, he was laughing at my speech, asking me to talk to him in English. *grins* At least my day today is filled with laughter. Thanks to everyone that bright up my day today...I think I'll get a hang of having this tongue piercing. I'm handling it quite well also. Cheers to myself? *giggles* Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the things that I requested from my MD. At least it would take my mind off and clear my mind off as well...

Frustation...

First day after I did my piercing....not that it is pain..I juz get irritated at how I couldn't eat properly..not even porridge. Can only eat some dishes...with a pair of chopsticks and stuff it into the corner of my mouth. That's pathetic...At least I get to eat something *shrugs* Anyway...I need some rest...I'm not feeling good for some reason. Probably it is due to the tongue...*grins* Oh well...need some rest first. Anyway I'm glad that things went pretty well for me today. It might feel awkward but I guess I'm really ok with it already. I think I get used to it already. It hurts me from time to time but I can live with it so bring it on. I have frenz beside me all along to support me whenever I fall and thanks to them..I'm still living as who I am now. I am not so good after all...*Peace out..

New Experience...

Finally...after all the hassle and calling and sourcing...got whatever I want thanks to Adrian. Well, have to thank him for accompanying me all the way down to 1 Utama to get it. Dinner was on me and that was my last solid dinner that I'll be having for the time being. I still dont feel the pain yet probably I will feel it tomorrow but oh well..What's done is done. Juz have to drink more cold water if pain *shrugs* Cheers to me for being brave? *giggles* I called so many people today...Was busy sourcing rather than doing my work. Called my tattooist...nope..he dont do piercing...Called Inked, the place where Terence got his tattoo, their piercer is out of town. Called Borneo Ink in Hartamas...their piercer is also out of town...they gave me their piercer's handphone number for me to contact juz in case he would changed his mind to come down but to no avail. He'll only come down next month..Too long for me. Cheers to them anyway...Borneo Ink gave me a good and friendly impression when I called them...The guy who answered the call was very friendly..He even made joke with me said that he'll pierce for me *shrugs* The piercer guy, Walter...friendly as well. Probably I'll look for him if I want another piercing...Oh well...got mine..finally. Thousand thanks to Adrian for temaning me. Pain and pleasure....*Peace out...

Memories...

I took out my stash of cards and letters from old timers...Those were all very memorable...Took pictures of those cards...Might as well share it...See what kind of cards I received last time... This is a birthday card from my best gal frenz from Samad during Form 6...I have 3 gal frenz but only 2 were written in this card... This is also a birthday card from my gal classmates from Samad during Form 6...They were from Subang anyway... This is my Valentine's Card from SC. First and only card from him. He got ugly handwriting that time anyway... I love this card a lot. It's a birthday card all the way from Canada...from an online fren of mine whom I knew from Mud game. I still remember his nickname in the game is Sheridan and he's one of the immortal in that server. Also, he's alot of years older than me...That time he was 30+ I think...*winks* Online crush? *giggles* This is the complete set of birthday cards from my best gal frenz, 3 of them. They do have lots of things to write in the card *winks* This is a birthday card from my brother...I think it's ages ago since his handwriting is super ugly and his message is he wish I could give him present... *shrugs* Birthday card from one of my best frenz in DU. She left us to go overseas when we were in Form 3. We kept in touch with letters and this is one of her letters aka card *winks* This is a goodbye card along with other small gifts from Girls Brigade team back in Kuching when I decided to come to KL... Goodbye card from some good frenz of mine back in Kuching...We were prefect together as well as Girls Brigade.. Goodbye card from another 2 good frenz aka prefect team from Kuching... Goodbye card from Girls Brigade Team...Can't even recall who are they since they are my senior... Goodbye card my prefect seniors...they are guys anyway...I like Brian's signature *giggles* Lastly...these are all my letters and my cards that I received during my old times...I still keep all of them...Juz miss those time...I remembered when I left Kuching, I received lots of letters and cards from them...telling me how they missed me..how frenz react without me around..how some guys cried *shrugs* Those were my sweet little memories...

Interesting thing to do...

I am gonna do something stupid tomorrow. Well, I guess I have somebody to accompany for being plain stupid. Will update more tomorrow when I did it *winks* Anyway, I'll be going to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Adrian tomorrow. Well, it will be either there or somewhere nearby...depends. He will update me later on the place. Juz hope that I'll get it done tomorrow *giggles* I would like to thank SC for supporting me without any objection. I was quite shock anyway cuz that wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I got Adrian to join me tomorrow juz to see how stupid I am *Cheers to him...Oh ya..I even told Terence that. He wished me luck *shrugs* Well, cross my fingers *Peace out...

Damn it...

Damn it...I hate this...I hate this so much...Get over it !!! Anyway, I juz had my first meal of the day...Almost died of hunger *shrugs*

New Year Company Dinner...

Another tiring day today...Juz came back from company dinner at Bangsar Shopping Center. We had our dinner at Monte's, a 5 course dinner set anyway. Preston was supposed to join us but he couldnt make it on time. Anyway, I was supposed to bring BB along but SC told me not to as she'll be quite messy. So we actually left her at home, and went to our destination. We were there early so we walked around. I was happy today. SC finally approved me to get a piercing on my ear top. But then I dunno where to pierce *shrugs* Will source for a place and get him to go there with me. He promised me that anyway. Another thing that he promised is for me to get my hair make over. He's being sweet to me today though... Anyway the dinner was ok, I guess. I spend alot of time talking to SC and to Nicole. Somehow I got really close to her. I like talking to her. At least I find her friendly. She sat opposite me so we talked quite alot during our meal. I didnt take any ciggy today cuz SC is around. The fact is that I would only take it during drinking session or probably when I got lots of things to think about. I guess last few days I really have alot of things to think about. Been smoking quite alot especially yesterday during the congress. I called up Preston when we were about to finish our dinner. He couldnt make it so we were supposed to go for a drink in Library, Curve. He still needs to go down to Wangsa Maju before meeting up with us. It would be too late for us so we skipped that. Next time then...besides, I'm tired myself. Supposed to be in my bed taking my beauty sleep but it will take a while I suppose. I'm currently in a middle of conversation with KW, my dearly petbro. I figured that I really need to talk to him...I really need to share with someone close to me on my so-called problems...I cant keep it to myself anymore...I'll explode...He is the best person to talk to. I told whatever I could...and I'm glad that he would stay up till this late juz to talk to me despite the fact that he needs to wake up early tomorrow. I'm still lost as usual...

Tiring day although off duty...

I'm supposed to be spending time with my family today but I chose to be with my collegues today. But as I said, I do not have to be there early before 7 am. I can go there anytime and go back anytime. Anyway, I went out with SC early morning to our doctor to get our blood test. I finally get to go for my blood test. I had been delaying it for quite some time. SC took his first then my turn. As expected, our doctor, Dr Lim tried to get my best blood veins. Tried on both my arms but ended up taking the first one. Yup...it was pretty small. If I recall correctly, he was the one who told me that my blood veins are small and becuz of that, I never dare to go for blood donation. It hurts a little though that is why I leave the plaster on until afternoon. After that, SC dropped me at home and I drove to look for my sister. Need to borrow some office attire for her. Seriously, I couldn't fit into her size. She wears S and I wear L ? *grins* That is our difference. After trying on so many clothes, finally found one that kinda fit my size but still a little tight *shrugs* SC told me to buy one for myself next time. With my office attire, I went to Sunway Convention Center to meet up with the others. I reached the congress about 10.45 am. It wasn't hard to find our booth at all since it is the first one after the entrance. Everyone was busy. Gene and Frank were there so I had my time to talk to them first. My MD came to me after he's done with his work. He was surprised of my attire, said that I never wear like that in the office. Thanks for reminding me. I like it to be casual and I had been wearing casual all the way during office hour and noone says anything? I hang around there the whole time, talking to everyone, but not doing anything. Helped a little but very minimum. I dun even know what am I supposed to do there. Lunch time...me and Gene went to look for the place where tea was served. Found the place but there were 'guards' there since that place is only for VIPs. Gene went through the first 'guard' since she stopped me instead. Not long after that he joined me...There were 7 more 'guards' so he made a U-turn and joined me *giggles* We went back to our booth, and KF wanted to have lunch so I requested to buy for him. Well, not only for him, need to buy for everyone, which counted 11. I had Frank to join me since I cant be carrying 11 boxes around. So me and Frank walked around very hard to finally found a place that sells rice, PappaRich. We bought 6 nasi lemak and 5 fried rice. Went back to the congress and had everyone eat their lunch. We short of one pack anyway so Gene went to buy 3 more packs juz for extra in case anyone is hungry... After lunch, Alex asked me whether I want to walk around or not. I joined him to walk around the whole place. He did some explaining, take some pictures...doesnt seems like he is my MD that time. He showed me our competitor, which is a new company. Of course I didnt approach them...When we went back to the booth, I juz hang around. My MD went back not long after that. I was about to leave as well so at first he said he'll walk me to the car. Thanks though but I still want to hang around *winks* That time was 3 pm and I hang around until 4 pm. Apparently during that time, I talked to Nicole, our new sales team from Penang. It was nice talking to her though. Somehow rather, we got close pretty easily and spent alot of time talking. We were both complaining about our sore feet. *shrugs* We were both wearing heels but mine is higher and hers is covered in front. Anyway, she's younger than me 2 years old...reminding me of someone else... But who cares of that...Well, she is very friendly and I realized that I could talk to her easily. After that, I got bored of staying there...Really bored...I requested to leave. Noone stop me though cuz I'm not supposed to be in the first place. *shrugs* On the other hand, it was fun...and also I wasnt feeling quite well but I still hold on to it. I'm strong? *giggles* That was how I spent my time in the congress. When I came home, BB was there so I had her to stay in the room with me while I take some rest. Unfortunately, when I wake up, the whole room was in the mess. Her diapers were all cleared from her drawer to the bed, placed next to me *grins* Bottles, books, toys, everything were on the bed. I wonder how I took my rest without realizing that. I had to wake up and cleared it before SC comes back and started screaming. He came back juz on time, with a gift for me...a Coach bag...a pretty one in fact. Thanks alot...That is my New Year pressie *winks* It could be my bdae pressie as well...I really didnt want him to spend so much money on me...the bag is not cheap ok? Anyway, I was really happy. I gave him a big hug...He always surprise me with gifts. Good news I suppose...I am really blessed to have him as my hubby. We went out for dinner at A&W in State, together with BB. After dinner, we came back home and he went out again while I put BB to sleep. Saturday night...let him go out then. He is going over to Kit's place for game of poker anyway. They were trying to find 'kaki' to play with them. Even asked me to call Terence out. *shrugs* Terence dont gamble...so skipped him. They were still trying to find people to join them. *giggles* Hope he enjoys his poker night. I'll be going bed early I suppose...or not. Depending on my mood. My head is still spinning anyway *grins* By the way...I'll be going for my hair makeover next week...SC will be working whole day and my initial plan is to go shopping. I guess I changed my mind...I would rather spend my precious time pampering myself at the saloon. Cross my fingers then... Oh...one last thing...I kinda made up my mind...I had been thinking over and over again...It's about the spiral ring. Although I like it but I guess I juz have to let it go. So, I decided that I'm not going to take it back. Probably it is a good thing to do. I am really lost...I dont even know who to believe now...don't even know what is right and what is wrong...dont even know where I stand...No point of thinking over all those. You are on your own from now. I have stepped out... That's it...Really tired...going to take my bath and cool my stupid head down...I really hope I'm drinking with Terence right now. Gosh...that was addictive...*Peace out..

Great Lunch...

I had a great day today...At work, during lunch, after work...My dearly brother of mine, KW, came to look for me for lunch. He brought his girlfren along. Gosh...really young, really innocent. Kor...dont play play with her...but I know you wont, so be blessed with her by your side *winks* I directed him to my office and when he reached, before I could get into his car, he came down from his car and gave me a great hug...Somehow rather I realized that I was really being pampered by people around me nowadays. Probably they have a hunch that I was feeling down. Good news eh? Somore I love being pampered. I can never resist from pampering by them. Childish? Probably but that is what keeps me going and living. Put it this way then...although I had my family with me previously but I was left out from them to the extend that I can safely go back to hometown without worrying about me being attacked, hurt or whatsoever...Weird right? I learned to be independent when I was alone staying with my aunt's family...till the time when I can finally go back home and see my family members but too shock to realized how broken it was without me realizing it. It is a good thing that I learned to be independent. Despite all that, I'm still seeking for love, for pampering...I guess that is what make me who I am now..someone who loves pampering, and I am blessed with people who pamper me and being close to me. Thanks for holding up to my selfishness *winks* Anyway, lunch was at Casa Tropicana. I like the environment there and the food there was ok as well. We spent the whole time talking about all times, how we used to spend our time together last time, how we would walk back from school back to my house and he hangs around until he decided to go back home. I really cant recall any of those. I have bad memories to the extend that I cant remember anything from my childhood. Sometimes I couldnt even remember what happened last week. It's juz me. Well, it was great. Lunch was on him. I was on the phone with my supervisor that time when he paid the bill. He is 16 days younger than me but he is my elder brother that I hold dearly...Even when I reached office, he sent me off by getting down of the car and gave me a great hug again...I miss those time... I guess it is a small world after all...Terence and KW both know Danny *shrugs* We did talked a little about him though. Nothing much but KW somehow realized something was wrong. Although he didnt questioned me but he sort of like hint about it and he somehow guessed it. *grins* Why must all my close frenz be so observant...Or am I really that bad at hiding and keeping things to myself? I didnt tell him much anyway...Didn't want to mention about it anymore... That was my lunch. Thanks for spending the time with me during lunch. Work...I was doing my usual stuff and same goes to everyone. There is a congress tomorrow at Sunway Convention Center so the marketing and the sales team were kinda busy. I was juz slacking around. I made my decision anyway, or rather changed my mind. At first I was thinking that I will make my decision based on an answer but decided not to...I got my answer though but... *shrugs* Anyway, I'll be joining them for congress tomorrow. But not full time. Even some of the support team will be there full time. I wasnt suppose to go anyway but I requested to go and my MD let me go. I can even go there anytime I want and go back anytime I want. Make it simple, I juz go there to slack around *giggles* I could lend a hand or two...KF, my sales team manager, wanted me to go to help him anyway. At least I could try to back this new sales staff from Penang. Cross my fingers then... Tomorrow will be congress so many people will be there, dentists, nurses, students. Attire is definitely not casual *grins* I dont have much office attire although I am always in the office. My attire for office are all quite casual...I actually called my sis and asked for it though...I doubt that she has any attire that can fit me *shrugs* Will see how. I'll be dropping by her place in the morning before going to the congress. Juz hope that there is at least one that suits me *winks* Everyone were busy packing things for the congress and even had a meeting for it. My MD told me I dont need to join them for the meeting *grins* but I joined them right at 6 pm. After work *giggles* Discussions, packings, getting ready for tomorrow. I tried to lend a hand wherever I could. Another thing that was planned that time was New Year dinner. It was supposed to be tomorrow but my MD decided to have it on Sunday night after the congress at Bangsar Shopping Center. I actually requested to bring SC and BB along. Cheers to him...He lets me bring them along. There are others who will be bringing partner though but only confirmed staff dont need to pay for partner. Others need to pay 50%. Beats me...I am confirmed after all and all this while, my MD always wanted me to bring SC along. Perfect couple as he said *giggles* With the green light, I get confirmation from everyone and send confirmation to everyone. I was working close to my MD and KF regarding this. MD because he's the MD and he pays...KF because he's in charge of the congress and the team. Anyway...hope that this would be a great dinner. The place will be in Monte's anyway. Never been there, not even to Bangsar Shopping Center *shrugs* Something surprised me juz now. I juz remembered that our wedding band is engraved with our names. I almost forget it. I even took a picture of it. Felt so sweet... Nice? That is my wedding band. Speaking of ring, I still miss the spiral ring...but I'm not ready to take it back yet. Not when I am recovering...Well, I am really confused with his words sometimes. Wants to wear it but ended up not wearing it, at least not as a neckie since I wore it as neckie before. At least it is not visible to me so I guess it is nowhere close as what he said? *grins* Maybe it is a good idea not to let me see it for now. Probably I will recover faster? Damn....Sometimes I really wish that my old spiral ring would juz pop out somewhere...*shrugs* Going to bed...I suppose...Chioz*

Night out...

Second entry for the day. *shrugs* Was in a hurry for my dinner a while back. Anyway, this entry will be about yesterday. My dinner and drinking session with Terence alone. Was really looking forward to it to the extend that I was keeping an eye on the time until it ticks at 6 pm. Preston was in the office that time and Terence was nowhere to be found. He tempted me to for a ciggy *shrugs* I went with him to the usual place where we sat down and chat. That was the time when I saw Terence's car stepped into my view. Got him to come down and sit beside me while I finish up my ciggy. They both intro to each other. Somehow rather I felt really happy surrounded by close frenz... After the ciggy, I went upstairs to pack my stuffs and off I go. It was really nice to see Terence that time since I was really feeling down that day. My last tears were never last though but I did held it real hard. That was the past anyway. We drove down to Curve and got to Italiennes for our dinner. He had a two course meal while I had a lasagna. Damn...it was freaking filling. I didnt finish my meal anyway. Then, we went next door to Laundry. Had 2 bucket of Heineken. Terence was worried that we couldn't finish it. *winks* Don't look down on me ok? I can drink *giggles* 10 bottles, I finished 4 and shared one last bottle with him. We talked about everything...SC, Danny, work, my supervisor, my MD, frenz, juz everything to the extend of talking bout shit and I mean really shit. It was so gross when he talked about it while we were having dinner. Trying to be funny. I could still stand it but I do have my limit. *grins* Lots of drinking, lots of ciggys, lots of laughter, lots of joy. It felt great and I was really happy. At least I wasn't feeling down anymore. I am really glad that he was there for me and he kept his promise. Time was short. We finished our drinks, went to the car and stayed there. Well...I was actually 'tipsying' while walking anyway. Furthermore I was wearing heels and the path to his car is through stairs. I was walking super slow, holding on the his hand, his shoulder...Once we reached basement level, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder and started walking to the car. I was never bothered with that. We sat in the car for some time since I was 'tipsying'. He wanted me to sober up so that I could drive back home. I was practically lying down on his shoulders the whole time, giving him a hug whenever I want, a peck whenever I want. He did peck my on my cheeks as well but he did something unexpected though. On the lips...I was shocked but at the same time, relieved. What's with that? He'll know that I'm sober if I push him away. That was what he told me. Trying to be funny again. That wasnt the only time though. Time to time without notice...I didnt push him back cuz I know that was only a friendly yet close kiss. I knew that he wants me to cheer up, because that time, I was telling him my feelings about SC, how I was really tired mentally, how I was holding up for Danny...I was lost and really tired...He understands me really well and thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful fren. Even before I left his car to my car, he kissed me not on my cheek, but on my lips. It was sweet of him.... Terence is someone who is really precious to me. Someone irreplacable, someone that I hold dearly in my heart, someone that knew me deep inside, someone that promised to be there for me whenever I am down, someone who always look out for me, someone who know exactly how to cure me from my swings...I love him...as someone close to me, in a different way that I love SC. He is a dear fren, a dear brother, a dear family, someone that SC trust...at least that is good news for me. I can go out with Terence without the needs to lie and I am really comfortable with him. Thank God again for this wonderful gift... Oh...and this little message is intended for someone close to me. You know who you are... I had alot of fun spending every of our time together...being close and all. I still like how you always manage to pampers me but that was the past. Things is changing now. I hope that you could still pamper me but I do not want it. I even asked you a favor to keep the ring until things is clear. I made a chain for it so that I could wear it on my neck but it would be better if you keep it. I'll take it back when I feel like it. Anyway, just want you to know that I'm not sure how many things that you are hiding from me...whether the words that you told me were lies or the truth, I cant think straight now. I cant reason with myself now. Whatever it is, that is the past...I gotta learn to stand up again...You'll always be a good fren to me...

Serious Talk...

I heard a quite disturbing news today but at the same time, I heard a quite happy news as well. Those news are from my MD anyway. The disturbing one, since it is disturbing, I wouldn't want to share it. Well, even if it is true, it would be none of my business, at least not now anymore. Leaving that aside, I actually had a serious talk with my MD. I'd been wanting to talk to him ever since beginning of the year but never had a chance. He called me and my supervisor into his room and talked to us. After that, I actually requested to talk to him. My supervisor left us. I actually asked for my raise *giggles* Well...it doesnt turn out good as expected due to my work. Ups and downs. I knew it perfectly well. He wanted me to show him better performance then he'll discuss with Singapore side, not sure for what though. Anyway, I also shared with him certain things. Ups and downs due to my family problems. Part of it is about SC and the other part is about my grandfather in Penang. He wanted me to take some time off to visit him in Penang but I didnt want that. Not that I didnt want to visit him...even my mom is not back. He's saying that she's not back so? I cant visit him...Yeah..I wish I could...He dont recognise me. What is the use of seeing him? *shrugs* He may not recognise me but I still care for him. I shed my tears for him last year on his birthday celebration. Well, I dont need to go to Penang... Next is about SC. It is not about third party or whatsoever, I juz told him that I'm seriously very tired mentally. Work, family, daughter, responsibility...doing all those on my own. It is not easy at all. Besides, my work is really pilling up. All my work got dateline but it seems that I always go out of the dateline. Lots of things coming in between, interrupting my work. He told me to make a proper planning...that is what a scorecard is for. I have been trying to plan properly but never manage to do it. *shrugs* Anyway, he said he'll give me 1 week off next month...to make things up with SC, to rest a bit. Too stressed out. Thanks to him in advance. Really appreciate it. He told me another thing that finally make things clear to me. Why is that all this while I was the only one that he never scolded. I am like a sister to him. Will be there for me if I ever needed someone to talk. I'm really glad that he is my MD, and my fren at the same time. One of my councellor as well *giggles*

Songs...

Oh my God...I almost got chocked by a fishball. *shrugs* Luckly I'm still alive...Anyway juz wanted to share this song that I had been hearing alot lately...I luv the song.. Anyway, tomorrow is Wednesday. Finally, the day of the week that I'm looking forward to. A night out with Terence for dinner and drinking. Cheers...he'll be picking me up after work tomorrow. Nothing much happened today. Danny and Preston weren't around so didn't manage to see them today. Well, I guess I was referring to one person only *winks* Anyway, I was actually asked on a favor and I myself is kinda interested in it. I already made my decision though but before that I would want to know a person's answer to my question. That would determine my plan on that day *giggles* Juz hope that I'm still being missed. Let's see how it goes... Actually, it was my plan today to actually blog bout 'Truth Revealed...", but I decided to skip that. It may not be a good thing to express it here anyway. Will write about that when I'm really ready for it. Anyway, I'm feeling much better. I guess time will heal me. I know I am wrong..I know I am the one that start all this, I know I hurt you alot, I'm truly sorry for it...I am really happy for you, happy for listening to my advise although I hate it so much, happy that you are walking on the right path, happy that you are happy so keep it up. No biggie...I will still be around if you need me, juz like how Terence is around when I need him. Cheers... Oh well...enjoy this favourite song of mine...

Happy day...

Overall, I had a wonderful day today. Not on everything that happened today though but more happy than not happy and that counts. Many thanks to people that cheers me up. I'll go through one by one though... My mood was swinging yesterday so I was hoping that today will be a brand new day for me. When I was on my way to work, Terence messaged me early in the morning. It was way too early for him to be awake. When I asked him that, he told me that he'll shoot himself if he were to wake up this early for no reason *giggles* Apparently he has to fetch his girlfren to work. Aww..that's so sweet. Anyway, dinner and drinking session will be on. Wednesday he'll pick me up after work at my work place. Then he'll drive to wherever he decides. Surprise though..on where to eat. Let him decide since I'm not good at it. Cheers to Terence. That itself brighten my day today. Next will be Adrian, my younger petbro from online game, apparently is Terence's drinking kaki. *grins* He knows that I'm having a bad mood cuz I was throwing tantrum at him and he let himself be my punching bag. *shrugs* I was using my iPhone to get online to talk to him thru IM in the morning before going out for his brunch. Being my punching bag is good enough..Thanks lil bro.. SC is next. He finally got a dozen of ciggy for me...Well, not really for me. I used Preston's name to get it. I told Preston that and he laughed at me. I gave him some packs though. Danny took one also although he dun like menthol..*shrugs* I'm left with 5 packs...I was thinking of giving some to Terence though...will see how it goes. Anyway...I was making fun with Preston about this and we ended up smoking together after work, faraway from office, juz around the corner *giggles* Thanks Preston for accompanying me to sneak one ciggy. Then, I have my dearest elder petbro to talk to me online now. I'm still talking to him online. I am catching up with him. We spoke of lots of things. Apparently he knew Danny, they were on the same bus together last time. Small world...Well, talking to him make me feel really comfy. He used to be really close to my me and my family last time. We used to hang around together alot last time. We used to share things together. I juz realized that up to now, he knows exactly where I stay from 10 years ago till now. That was surprising. He is a chef in a Chinese restaurant. I wonder why all my close frenz are chef or good at cooking? Fate? Neh...Anyway, we'll meet up soon, either I go to his place at Puchong to try out his food, or he'll give me a surprise visit one day as he said. One thing sweet that he told me...He told me not to visit him during the weekends cuz he wun be free to talk to his sis, me. Am I still his sis, I asked him that. He answered...unless if I'm not born in July then I'm not his sis. What does born in July have to do with being his sis? Everyone who born in July is his sis? No...only this special girl that is born in 1 July is his sis. Aww...so sweet ya? That's my lovely bro...He also said that he did a right choice to know me. Well, he is the first one who told me that. I'm strong with myself...*grins* I hope I'm strong at times too...Probably it is juz for showing. I tend to hide things to myself. As long as others is happy, I'm ok with it. That is me...At least he really cheers me up. Thanks to everyone that did their part today. I'm happy with it. Even SC for having lunch with me. Love them all dearly...

New week...

Another week juz went past, a new week is coming. This new week will be a new week for me. A new week for me to start again, a new week for me to let go certain things. I may not be strong, I may not like it, but I want to do it. Not for myself, but for others. Sounds weird eh? I'm not even sure what am I babbling about. *shrugs* Juz hope that this week will be a better week for me since this weekend was one of the worse weekend that I ever had in my life. I practically have to force myself to find some work to do else I'll be spending my time thinking too much. I was trying to finish up SC's catalogue, trying to fix my house stupid connection, trying to finish up my story book, trying to think of what to wear for Preston's wedding dinner. Lots of things that I did. I even tried to go for a jog but it rained so too bad... Anyway, I am actually looking forward to this coming week. Terence promised me to bring me for drinking and SC got me ciggy, although I used Preston's name to get it. Sorry Preston..I'll give you some? *winks* Terence said he'll plan and let me know tomorrow. Cheers to him. I finally get to drink, finally get to let go of my mind...I am someone that like drinking but since I am commited, I cant drink much. *shrugs* I used to be a drinker, used to be a clubber, but I wun drink to the extend that I'm knock out...to the very least I still know what I am doing. Of course, I always drink with SC but somehow I didnt like to drink with him. He always get drunks and do lame and stupid things that get me irritated. All the time !!! *shrugs* For now, I can drink with Terence, I can throw my tantrum at him, I can smoke in front of him, at least I know that he'll be there for me. He'll care for me when I'm down, he'll knock my head when I'm wrong, he'll scold me when I'm very wrong. Well, that is my good boyfren. Never get bored of him...I hold on to his promise dearly so please dont let me down...I'm not as strong as I used to be anymore...Even Adrian, my lame lil petbro, saying that although I look tough outside but deep inside, I am very fragile. I'm sure Terence knew that as well that is why he made that promise to me and I deeply appreciate it. Cheers to him and will be looking forward to the drinking session... For some reason I am actually thinking of my birthday...Thanks to Danny for reminding me that. He actually asked on the celebration...I guess nothing much. Every year SC will celebrate with me together with his family. Birthday pressie was never on time because I always use the excuse to skip it when SC bought things for me before my birthday, although it is juz shopping out of the blue. I didnt want him to waste money on buying pressies for me. Red packets from family members, sometimes pressie from my sister. Birthday dinner usually will be Japanese buffet since they knew that I love it. I'm not choosy anyway as long as I get to celebrate with everyone. I wonder will it be any difference this year? Even my collegues didnt do anything last year for me. Expected though... Well, since I got into contact back with Terence, will I be able to have drinking session with him? Will I be able to celebrate with my close collegues? Will I be able to celebrate with Danny? Who knows...In fact, maybe when the time comes, Terence graduated and go overseas, close collegues left the company, Danny forget about me? *shrugs* Noone knows what will happen in the future. I juz want a birthday wish...not really one though...But still can lump it up into one *winks* I juz want everyone close to me, my family members, Terence, Danny, my close frenz to be happy, to live a happy life. Not too much to ask for right? As for me, I juz want to remain a somebody within each of them. *grins* My birthday is 6 months ahead and I'm thinking of all these. Wake up dum dum !! *shrugs* At least it keeps me entertained for a moment there juz to visualize my special day. Oh ya...now that it's January, I get to go back to my saloon. Thanks to my stylist, Alex, after the treatment that he did for me few months back, he dun let me do anything to my hair until January. Finally, I'll be going back there and do a rebonding. My hair is too messy and I'm lazy to blow it every morning especially when BB is still sleeping. 2 more weeks will be SC's full day work on Saturday. I was actually thinking of going shopping but beats me, I think it will not work out. So I probably will look for Alex to do rebonding on my hair, juz in time for Preston's wedding dinner. Pamper myself in the saloon...Great way to spend my lonely day *winks* I'll be looking forward to that day as well... Too long entry for today...I'll leave the others for tomorrow. *shrugs* I'm back to my blogging every night habit already. Guess I'm back for good. I'm even learning to do the layout on my own. Juz need to get some images done first. Still looking for the right image to fit in my blog. Cross my fingers and adios*

Bored...

Here am I on a Saturday night, not knowing what to do. Do all my weekends always like that? *shrugs* Well, Saturday supposed to be my outing day and I did went out today, even if it is on my own. SC came home after work and spent the whole afternoon taking a nap. We didnt even go out for lunch as he was supposed to meet up with his brother when I wasn't even prepared to go out yet. So I had him to have his lunch with his brother then pack some food for me. I didnt even finish the food that he packed. Guess I have not much appetite today. In the afternoon, when he was taking a nap, and BB was taking her nap as well, I actually wanted to take a walk in 1 Utama, juz to clear up my mind. I was actually taking my own sweet time and when I finally decided to make my move, SC woke up. He didnt want to accompany me out at first so I decided not to go out. I was about to take my nap when he came downstairs dressed. We went to 1 Utama together. I was happy...at least I get to go out with him. Still...my mood still swings..and I really hate that. *shrugs* We went back home in the evening and went back out again for our dinner together with his brother and CK (Kit). After dinner, I went home and put BB to sleep while the others went to CK's house for some game of poker. I remembered CK bought a set of poker game some time ago. Anyway, hope they enjoy their game. Cheers to the winners... Something that I wanted to share, I felt myself quite lonely at times. Lonely of companion. I actually realised it yesterday night when I was awake till 3 am. I used to have Terence talking to me online, Danny the same thing, on and off some other frenz as well but yesterday was unexpectedly quiet. I suppose Terence is still at Malacca, or he should be out with his frenz. Danny...not sure where he went, I never asked him. So my whole night yesterday was on my own. I was watching movies, playing some random games, trying to finish up the catalogue that SC assigned me to do, somehow my mind got distracted. As I said, I'm tired but not physically..mentally tired... I really need this drinking session with Terence. He promised me that he'll arrange one day next week for it. I am looking forward to it and even told SC about it. That will be our so-called last drinking session before he goes back to studying. That would be for another 6 months. Juz hope that he wun forget it. He will be the one to decide when and where so I juz follow him. Drinking is one thing, smoking is another thing. Apparently when I'm feeling down, I tend to smoke? I hope that's true. SC accidentally left an imported ciggy box with me. It is a slim one so I actually kept it for myself. I wasn't the only who finished it anyway. Terence, Danny and even Preston took part it in. Well, I had SC to buy more juz in case. Told him that Preston wanted it *winks* At least that ciggy is menthol and I like it *winks* I guess tonight will be another lonely night...*grins* Better get something to do before I lose my mind... *chioz..

Tired...

I'm mentally tired...very tired in fact. Worrying about things that I am not supposed to...worrying about my own life style. It's time to let things go. It's time to move on. I have to learn to let it go. I hate that very much but it will be better. I'll lose something precious but as I believe, God will never take away something from you without giving you something better. Juz need to bear with it while going through the process...

Lost...

Not sure what am I feeling right now? Lost? Confused? Happy? I guess I could say that I'm feeling bit of each. Lost probably becuz I'm not sure of where I stand right now. Confused cuz I'm not sure whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Happy becuz I have people who cares for me in every way. I consider myself a happy go lucky girl so I always go around with a smile on my face. Deep within me, I hide alot of unhappy feelings, worry that it would do harm to me or people around me. Although the unhappy feelings are not so overwhelming, I can still bear with it. Happy memories are still more enough to cover up the unhappy memories. I am still happy with who I am and what I am but deep within me, I sometimes wish there's a change in my life. SC is nice to me but not all the time. He may scream at me at times, scolding me for nuts, screaming like a crazy maniac with all the cursing and all, but then things will work out after that. Of course I would ignore all those but it is still hard to forget about it. But at times, he could be such a sweetheart, pampering me in his own way, caring for me in his own way. Not all the time but at least I'm not so bad after all. He always spend his days outside at night for a drink with his brother and his friends. Probably 3 times in a week. I dont get to follow him becuz of BB so I stayed at home most of the time when he is out. Even that, I didnt bother much, as long as he comes back in one piece, I will be fine with it. That is what I think. At least I felt happier to think this way then to struggle with him nagging him all the time and getting annoyed with it all the time. It may even make things worse...Well, there is also some time when I requested to go out on my own with my frenz even juz for a drink would be nice. As for Terence, although we lost contact from time to time, he is still my best boyfren. Whenever I'm down, he will definitely have his way to bright things up and cheer me up. He made a promise to me last time that he would always be there for me...and till now he still keep up with the promise. In fact, I dont even remember when he made the promise *shrugs* But then, that is nice of him to remember. He told me he would be there for me, lending me an ear and even his shoulders if I need. He would hug me everytime when I see him off, he would peck me on the cheek as well. That is how he pampers me with his own ways...He would listen to me scream about my unhappy things, laugh about my happy things, even gossips about life. He is my counsellor, my best boyfren, my brother, whatever I could think of. He is the only one that SC knows about and let me go out with him alone. He is the only one that I could hug and peck openly... Danny came into my life not long ago. He is my collegue, my good fren, and even my second boyfren *winks* Probably a little too many boyfren but I'm happy with it. When he first joined my company, I didnt talk much with him until the day when I had lunch with him along with other collegues...I find him different from others...it felt as if he was having a lot of life problems. I tried to talk things out with him becuz for some reason, I want him to be open to me. I guess I juz wanna cheer him up that time. That was why when the first time I talked to him, I asked him did he has any sensitive topic that cannot be made as conversation. As soon as he told me his answer, I knew that I had to make him open up to me. Juz my intuition that I would make things better. As time goes by, I got closer to him and he also open up bit by bit to me. I am happy for that but there's still certain things that he would want to keep it to himself. I perfectly understand that and I didnt force him. It would be inconsiderate to do that anyway. I myself have my own problem and I wouldnt want anyone to dig through it. Anyway, that was old story. Although I'm close to him in a way, I still need to keep my distance. He did pampered me alot in his own way as well but he is still someone who is lost, someone who needs to be lighten, someone who needs support. Unfortunately, I cant be the one to provide him the support that he needs, cant be the one who cheer him up. Yet, whenever I think of all this I tend to have swings. I guess that's why I became pretty swingy nowadays. Well, he is starting to get to know other people...in fact he is hanging around with this gal so I suppose everything would be ok. Juz want him to know that no matter what I feel, I will always support him in whatever decisions that he make. I juz want him to be happy so no need to bother bout me. It is his life anyway... Bleh...swingy and confused...SC, Terence and Danny somehow are my precious one and I really dont want to lose any of them in any way...Guess this is juz life. As how I remember a quote...it goes like this...God dont take away something without give you something else better. I always believe in that but those people are my precious one and noone can replace them... Anyway, main reason that I felt lost is becuz of my grandpa. My mom actually talked to me in MSN, telling me about her dad, who is my grandpa. He is admitted to the hospital and is seriously ill. He is having difficulties in breathing. He is in Penang anyway. I actually asked her why didnt she comes back to see him? She told me that she cant get any leave now due to work. Well, I understand that well enough but I still feel lost somehow. He might leave us anytime and he is crying everytime he sees anyone. According to my mom anyway. He is also my family and I will be sad without him around although I'm not any close to him. Last year I was back to Penang to celebrate his birthday together with all the relatives. He dont really remember us but he actually cried with joy that time. I was really not happy, I actually felt my tears were about to roll down but I held it up. I was really scared that time...now, things got worse. He is in the hospital and here we are, doing our own things not worrying bout him. Is that what we should do? Shouldnt we be visiting him and hope that he gets better? Seriously lost...Please God...bless him with all your might. If his time has comes, let him go peacefully, else juz let him be healthy once more....I really miss him...I miss everyone...I miss my mom...I miss my dad...Why does my life have to be this way...Why does my family have to be this way? I'm not that strong...I'm really not that strong...I may not look like I care but I do care...and I cant hate them for that. I love them too much to hate them... Hate myself...

Tiring day...

It has been a tiring day for me today...Somehow I felt really tired. I guess this is what I get when I have lack of sleep for the past 1 week. Last week I had been sleeping every night at about 3-4 am and wake up at about 9-10 am. Sums up about 6 hours of sleep everyday. Finally I got really exhausted and that results in today's tiredness. *shrugs* A lil lack of sleep wouldnt die right? Oh well... Anyway, nothing interesting happened at work today...juz some random things that my boss asked me. He was in a bad mood today and actually asked for a discussion on my department's task on hands but ended up, he had discussion with only my supervisor, leaving me out. He was quite angry though and I never asked why. I continued to do my work since I was busy and my task on hands got more and more. Need to do the refund module for Singapore which the dateline is by end of this month and it actually requires alot of changes in our existing system. Another task will be 2 clinic migrations, one from Preston and one from Danny. Preston's one is urgent though so I need to work on that. Danny's one not really urgent but I still need to work on that. Although migration is not a hard thing to do but then I still need to allocate my time so that I could finish the refund module before the dateline. *shrugs* Well..I finished Preston's migration anyway so thumbs up to me *winks* My boss actually came up to me and told me his so-called charity plan and wanted me to handle it. Will I be able to handle it? I still havent give him an answer yet but I guess I should try it out. Besides I want to ask for an increment *winks* Probably this is a good chance. It's juz weird how he would scream and yell at everyone except for me. He never scolded me before, the most he did was to raise his voice but to a certain extend. Is there any particular reason? I guess this is my advantage though. This is something that I'm proud of. Well, he gave me quite alot of happy memories while working with him. Thank to him, I suppose? Well, tiring is one thing...another thing is mood swing. Seriously I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Been getting that alot lately and I am actually getting irritated with myself, being swingy easily. That is not supposed to happen anyway. I myself know clearly what triggered it but nothing seems to be able to suppress it. Will it be bad for my brain? *shrugs* I need to get it off my head before it leaves me drop dead. Juz hope that happy memories will cover up my swings. Really need to get rid of it...*grins* Falling asleep... *shrugs* Better get some sleep before I fall asleep on my lappy. *Peace out..

Birthday Wish...

Damn..missed one day of blogging. Oh well...I was busy helping SC with his catalogue. Seems that I am the one for the job since I know how to make one and it is pricey to get someone to do it for him. *shrugs* It wasn't very hard though. Juz need some cropping, some color changing, some arrangement, something that me, who has the intermediate knowledge of Photoshop can do. At least I get to help him with his work and I'm proud of it. Yesterday I was editing his catalogue till quite late and after that he got me to sleep without further actions. I was actually talking to Danny online and ended up I have to go to bed with my iPhone, logging in from there and talked to him till I fell asleep with my iPhone in my hands *winks* There goes the silent treatment...He used to do that me a lot last time when I talked to him online at night so now it is my turn. That time was 3 am...what else can I expect? Oh ya...Happy birthday Danny!!! Erm..a little late for a birthday wish though cuz his birthday juz passed about an hour ago. It wasn't late anyway...I did wish him yesterday...although it wasn't at the strike of midnight. He actually asked me what time was it and I, being dumb, actually tell him the time. I still remember it clearly...12.20 am *shrugs* I was concentrating on my work that it juz went past my mind. Sorry *winks* Again, better late than never. Although I'm not the first one who wishes him, but at least I did it. Does first one to wish him make things different? I wonder...Well, I wish him all the best in everything that he do, hope he recover from his headache, hope he can have fun all the time, spending time doing the things that he likes...There's nothing much I could do for him other than to give him moral support and cheer him up whenever he's down..Apparently I'm not good at cheering other people so I might make things worst *winks* Anyway, hope he enjoys his birthday night as well as the cake *giggles* Seriously I'm starting to get annoyed with my childish mood swings nowadays...I considered myself as a happy go lucky person as what my collegues always said that to me. Whatever the situation is, I always puts a smile on my face...being strong outside. I guess I got pampered to much that I started to show my weakness which was buried deep within me. Whatever it is, being swingy is definitely not a good thing to show. I would of course hide it and keep it buried within me but somehow, there's always someone who will dig it out for some reasons. Trust me...Terence, Danny and even Preston are good at it *grins* Well...I still try my best to hide it as much as I can...I rather keep it to myself than to make other people worry and being unhappy about it. Cheers to myself? *shrugs* Damn...my stomach is aching for no reasons now. Body is malfunction *shrugs* Anyway, today is the first day of work...Great day I suppose. Time passed real fast. I was so busy today with my work after having one week of leave. I have lots of things to catch up on my work especially when my dateline is coming up close. Cross my fingers and pray that I will be fine. I got some mochi from my brother from Hong Kong. Supposed to be marshmallow anyway but somehow he bought mochi for me. *grins* Anyway, after the meeting in the morning, I offered them to all my collegues even to the Malays. Not even sure whether it's Halal or not. Beats me...At least they like it. I still got some left so I brought it back home. That big pack of mochi cost about 50 bucks our currency. It is sure expensive...I would never buy it if I were to pay it. Not worth my money to buy snacks. I would rather take that money to have a good meal. Getting pretty tired now..better get some sleep before I turn into a panda with the eye bag and all. Good nitez.. *Adios*

Shopping...

Finally, after a week of boredom at home, I get to go shopping with SC with BB sleeping. Great eh? *winks* After having lunch with some friends, we went off to 1 Utama. It was really crowded there. We even have a hard time to find a parking space in the preferred area. Got an illegal parking anyway. Bleh...I wasn't the one who is driving so who cares. We were supposed to be there juz to buy some paint brush and some shaving cream for SC but when BB finally went to sleep in her stroller, that's the time when we decided to walk around somore. I finally decided to check on some heels that I wanted so badly. Went to the first shop and voila..found it. Pretty nice and classy and not so expensive. SC decided on that heels anyway so he bought it for me. Thanks a bunch *winks* Then off we walked around again. BB woke up few hours after that so we decided to head back home. While we were on the way back to the parking lot, we went past Promod, one of the shop that were never on sale during last year end sales and it was having sales to my surprise. I was happy so went in and have a look. Bought a skirt there *winks* Although with the 50% discount, it still cost me 100 bucks. *shrugs* That was my last piece anyway. Then we went back home. It was getting late anyway. Went home and feed BB as well as bathe her. We left BB at home for our dinner with some friends. I kinda haf fun during the dinner anyway. We had conversation...were talking, I was involved in the conversation. Laughing and joking around. I miss this feeling...Anyway, after dinner, we dropped by my sister place to get some clothes that my Mom got for me. That was few months back but only now I decided to get it from her. Bout 4-5 pieces. Only 1 piece I cannot wear. Getting fatter.. *shrugs* Well, I called my brother today. He was driving *grins* without license. He is not even 17 yet. Dangerous fella. Since he wouldnt listen much to me about the driving thingy, juz pray for him so that he'll be safe. Anyway, he was on the way back home. Since he was driving, I told him to call me back when he's back at home. He asked me why want to call me. Jokingly, I told him cannot call me izit now? Bleh..seriously...He did called me when he was back home. I asked him where he went and he answered me sarcastically, cannot go out izit now? *shrugs* That fella really get on my nerves. I guess it is good for us anyway. I like how we are now. Close enough to joke with each other... Among all my family members, he is the closest to me. Or rather, I look after him more than anyone else. He is 9 years younger than me and of course I want him to grow up to be a good person and that is one thing that I was afraid when I see him grows. He is 16 years old now and sometimes I know that I still treat him like a small kiddo but to me, he is always my small lil kiddo. We still peck each other on the cheeks and hug each other juz like how we used to be previously. I'm blessed with this lil brother of mine. I will be looking forward to meet his girlfren is he has one, looking forward to his path of life...Among my family members, he is my everything.. My family members had never been close to me. In fact, my family relationship had never been better. Parents divorced when I was 13, the fact that I found out about that through my petbrother that time. When both my parent remarry, I accidentally found out their wedding pictures without them telling me. I was like a stranger to them...I learn to be independant, not to rely on them. Even my university fee, in the beginning was paid by my dad's EPF but later on, I decided to apply for study loan and get over with it once and for all...The loan was approved and even exempted from paying back due to my results. Allowance had never been on time to the extend that I got bored of asking from my dad. My mom wasn't around. She migrated to Hong Kong leaving all of us here and only called maybe 3-4 times a year. Felt really left out from my family members but whatever it is...they are still my family members. SC never like me to stick with them due to how they have treated me. I told him millions of time...however they treat me, they are still my family members. I will not exist if it werent for my parents. They are both still around so I should be blessed by it. I wouldnt wan to know how it would feel if one of them decided to take a journey to Heaven. I told this to most of my frenz who is having family problem. I guess different people different thinking. Anyway...I'm going way off topic. *grins* Well, its getting late now so I better stop here...*Chioz..

Celebration...

Christmas eve and New Year eve...this 2 special occasion are the time when people hang out together for super expensive dinner, drinking session and even countdown for it. I used to spend those 2 days out with SC and his friends, going for dinner just the two of us, sometimes even in pairs, then drinking session in clubs or even at somebody's house and wont be back home till really late at night. This year, I had the worst celebration. I spent my Christmas at home, not even dinner with SC. We had dinner at home juz like other normal days. After dinner, he juz went out with his friends over to one of his friends' house. I was at home, surfing and watching movies. While everyone was out, I juz spend my time at home, having mood swings and such *shrug* New Year eve was better I suppose. At least I get to spend my day time with both my close frens both at different timing. In the morning till late afternoon was with Danny and after that was with Terence. Dinner was with SC but it wasnt a so-called family dinner. In fact, there were 9 of us excluding BB. We went to have Thai food. The food there was not bad. There were BBQ stuffs also. As expected, I didnt have much appetite yet so I had only juz enough for myself, not as much as before. I can be a heavy eater at times *winks* Anyway, after dinner, we juz headed home. That's it. He went out on his own, the house was empty, everyone was out. How I really wish I could join Terence. When the clock strikes midnight, all I could hear was fireworks, all I could see was flashes of fireworks. How miserable was that. I spent my time on my own, watching movie and playing some games. Speaking of a bad eve celebration. Juz my luck I suppose. Hope that year of 2010 would be a good year for me. I'm bearing all this commitment on my own and I am really tired..mentally *grins* On the other hand, I am blessed with 2 frenz that would lend me their ears and shoulders, someone for me to throw tantrum at and cheer me up after that. Felt bad though but that is what good friends are for right? *winks* Cheers to both of them...

First Day of 2010...

Once again, happy new year to everyone. Let's welcome 2010 with an open arm. Well, even if 2010 is not welcomed, noone could do anything about it. It will still come and go *shrug* Look on the bright side, new year, new life, new resolution, and everyone is one year older including myself. A question struck me on my head...apparently Terence was the one who asked me. In fact, I was actually talking to him about that when I met him for a drink yesterday. What is my 2010 resolution? I have no idea at all. He told me that it is not good not to have any resolution and I juz cant help myself from digging one out from my rusted brain. Not sure whether what I had in mind is considered a resolution onot though. Here goes...Oh ya..it includes my wishes for everyone that is close to me. Wish to have a better life with a better family relationship, spending my precious time happily with all my loved one... Wishes SC to have a better and healthy lifestyle... Wishes BB to grow up healthy and be a good girl... Wishes my family members to be healthy and leads a happy life... Wishes my beloved lil brother to score his SPM this year and of cuz be healthy and leads a happy life too... Wishes SC's family members to be healthy as well and dun nag me so much... Wishes Terence to grad gracefully and get a good job... Wishes Danny to succeed in his career as well as love life... Finally..wishes all my friends all their best in everything that they do... May God bless all of them... Not really a resolution anyway but oh well..at least some things came up *winks* Everyone that I listed in the list are the one that I loved and plays really important role in my life. Thank you for being there for me all the time...I am blessed to have them in my life... Brain freeze...*Chioz