Contradictions...

I find myself quite contradicting at times...in fact, most of the time I am. Contradicting in a sense that I tend to speak out and think differently. I hate it much but I dont think I have a choice not to be contradicting. To me, if being that way make the other party happy, why not? At least it will leave a good impression rather than a bad one. Certain things, I would be happy to juz say no but saying that will not help much. It is not easy at all to bear with all this messy feelings. I know perfectly well where I stand and where I should remain. I love SC alot, I love BB alot, I love my family alot, I love my certain close frenz alot. Most of the times, I have to keep up with everyone's selfishness. Am I tired with it? I guess no...they are the one that keep me alive, keep me breathing... They are my puzzle pieces...without any of them, I am not complete. Sometimes I really wonder, where will I be...who will I become...what will I be doing...if my life is without all of them...Juz wondering and of course I do not wish for it to come true. I will be shattered. Friends come and go...not many stays with me. Well, at least I know that I'm not easy to click. Only a handful of my so-called frenz can handle my selfishness and thanks to them...I'm still breathing. You called that true frenz? I suppose so...Betrayal of frenship, betrayal of relationship...those are part and parcel of life. It is juz how we handle it when it does happen. It may not be easy but hey...life is never easy. I am truly blessed with what I have now and that is something that I will never regret in my whole life. SC may throw his tantrum at me sometimes but most of the times, he will be there juz for me. He is the one that truly cares for me...when I was sick, when I was hospitalized, when I was in labour, when I have nightmare...he is always by my side whenever I wake up. But at times, I really hate myself for messing my life up. I do have this principle of not having to regret anything that I did and yes, I still keep up with that. Everything I did up to now, I never regret it in my whole life. Happiness and sadness, it will remain as my precious memories without any regrets. I do not hate anyone...I learn not to hate anyone because hate can never solve matters. Hate will make things worse. I learned it the hard way after having to experience my family conditions. Juz be blessed with everything that you have now...that is what I believe in.